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What Is A Historyscope?

Westerners are not only known as history ignoramuses, but double dumbass history ignoramuses when it comes to the history of Ancient Rome. Since I'm the one-and-only Historyscoper (tm), let me quickly bring you up to speed before you dive into my Master Historyscope.

About 6,000 B.C.E. 5he Etruscans in modern-day Tuscany, Italy begin as Stone Age farmers in Europe, who go on by -1600 to absorb new blood from the steppes of modern-day Russia and Ukraine.

About 2,000 B.C.E. the first Italic Tribes settle in Italy (Vitalia) ("calf") young cow, not part of the leg, even though Italy is shaped like a boot?), which is washed by five seas, the Adriatic, Ionian, Ligurian, Tyrrhenian, and Mediterranean; the earliest known olive oil is found in Castelluccio.

Italy is an anthill of competing tribes? In the 9th cent. B.C.E. the non-Indo-European-speaking Etruscans migrate from Asia Minor to the Italian Peninsula, settling in mineral-rich Etruria (modern-day Tuscany-Umbria) in the W-C part N of Rome, becoming skilled in bronze, silver and goldwork, as well as granular decoration, and originating many of the things Romans are later known for, incl. gladiator contests, road and bridge building, irrigation works, and the trumpet (salpinx); they worship the Sun god Cautha (Cath), along with Tinia and Uni (prototypes of Jupiter and Juno), and construct tombs which are houses for the dead, decorated with paintings showing a joyous afterlife; the Sabellians also inhabit Italy, along with the Iapygians (Iapyges) in Apulia (Puglia) (in the heel of SE Italy between the Appenines, Adriatic and Gulf of Taranto), the Venetic-speaking Veneti in Venetia, and the Latin-speaking Latins in Latium, the region to the E and S of Rome on the W Tyrrhenian coastal plain, from the Tiber River in the N to Monte Circeo 65 mi. to the S, bounded on the N by Etruria, the S by Campania Felix (Lat. "fertile countryside") (known for good farmland and harbors), the E by the foothills of the Apennine and Lepini Mts., and split into 50 small communities; about this time Rome is six clusters of round twig huts on six low hills just SE of the Tiber River, with a marketplace beside the river and a crude fortress on the 7nth hill; one of the hills is eventually taken over by the Sabines; the oldest city of Latium is Alba (Lat. "white") Longa (founded in the 12th cent. B.C.E.); in this cent. Nicostrata (a woman) allegedly invents the Roman alphabet from the Chalcidian alphabet of Cumae; popular Latin names are based on the god Mars (Marcus, Marcellus).

About 900 B.C.E. Ancient Greek Architecture begins (ends 100 C.E.), becoming known for its temples, open-air theaters (starting -525), public squares (agoras), storied colonnades (stoas), processional gateways (propylons), town council bldgs. (buleuterions), public monuments, monumental tombs (mausoleums), and stadiums; architectural styles are divided into the Doric Order, the Ionic Order, and the Corinthian Order; Ancient Roman Architecture shamelessly steals from them.

Every people has a founding myth, a frame for their identity, which lets them restart the calendar with year one, and contains within itself the seeds of their ultimate destruction? The Romans claim to come from Long and White, and must be bragging? On Apr. 21, 753 B.C.E. the city of Rome (Roma) (modern-day pop. 2.9M/4.4M) is traditionally founded by twins (fraternal or identical?) Romulus (-771 to -717) and Remus (-771 to -753), born in nearby Alba Longa (on the W crater rim of Lake Albano) of the god Mars and mother Rhea (Rea) Silvia, a vestal virgin who is the daughter of King Numitor of Alba Longa, and a descendant of Aeneas (Gr. "he who is praised") (the very title later adopted by Muhammad?), leader of the Trojans and son of Anchises and Venus, who escapes from Troy and wanders for years before coming to Latium, and whose son Ascanius or Iulus is the founder and 1st king of Alba Longa, keeper of the Palladium or image of Pallas Athena stolen from Troy by Ulysses and Diomedes, which ends up in the Roman temple of Vesta; at birth they are kidnapped by order of the jealous Numitor, then deposited on the banks of the Tiber (in a basket like Moses?) to die, but rescued and raised by a she-wolf (sucking wolf tit and drinking wolf milk, to make them into predators?), who suckles them in the Lupercal (Lat. "lupa" = she-wolf) Cave on the NW slope of the Palatine Hill (uncovered in 2007 C.E.); they are later raised by a shepherd and his wife, until they grow up and return to kill the king, then recruit Latin colonists from Alba Longa for their new digs, originally called Saturnia after Saturn, "father of the gods", then Rome, City of the Seven Hills, home of the united cities of Latium (named after the god Lateinos (Chaldean "to lie hidden"), their version of Saturn, offspring of the Sun, represented with a ring or halo around his head, and known as the Hidden God, the God of Mystery, with both Saturn and Lateinos having the Number of the Beast (666), hence the pope also?), on the left (E) bank of the Tiber River 17 mi. inland from the Tyrrhenian Sea near malarial swamps where the river makes two sharp bends in a reverse S-shape; the Seven Hills are (Poor Queer, er, Queen Vicky Eats Crow At Christmas?) the Palatine Hill (C) (140 ft. above the Tiber E of the S bend) (home of the aristocrats) (first to be settled); Quirinal Hill (N) (named after Sabine war god Quirinus); Viminal Hill (NE) (smallest); Esquiline Hill (E); Capitoline Hill (W) (original name Mons Saturnius) between the Roman Forum and the Campus Martius, home of the allegedly indestructible Capitolium, the temple of Jupiter Optimus Maximus, later named Mons Capitolinius (Lat. "caput" = head or summit); Aventine Hill (SW) (southernmost) (home of the plebs or plebeians, consisting of two small peaks and a gully); Caelian Hill (SE); later the Pincian Hill (N of the Quirinal) and the Janiculum Hill (W) (on the right bank of the Tiber opposite the N bend) are inhabited with overflow pop.; the area between the Capitoline and Palatine Hills is a marshy valley, which is drained by -500 and turned into a marketplace (the Forum); also the Vatican Hill (W) across the Tiber River from the Seven Hills of Rome, named after Roman god Vaticanus or Vagitanus, named after the first wail "wa" of a newborn infant; actually, the legendary founding is moose hockey, and communities existed on the Palatine, Capitoline, and Esquiline Hills by -1000, and the city was really formed by the Etruscans after they conquered Latium around -600 and forced the independent communities under their yoke?; in the 6th cent. B.C.E. the Circus Maximus chariot racetrack is built in the valley between the Palatine and Aventine Hills, hosting the annual 15-day Sept. Ludi Romani games honoring Jupiter, founded in -366 (with the cheap seats on the Aventine side?); the Tarpeian Rock is on the S summit of the Capitoline Hill overlooking the Roman Forum, used for executing traitors by throwing them off the top; the Campus Martius (Lat. "Mars Field") parade ground W of the Quirinal and Capitoline Hills, E of the N bend of the Tiber River s the first expansion area for overflow pop. before bridges are built across the Tiber and a fort built on the Janiculum Hill for future expansion; the city is open for 1K years until the Aurelian Wall is built c. 270 C.E., encircling all the hills and connecting with the Tiber to the N and S; Romans begin counting time up from this date, or rather, counting down from this date, after Romulus and Remus attempt to conjure a vision from the gods, and Romulus conjures 12 fowls circling over the hills, while Remus is short-changed, only conjures six and fouls out, and the augur Vettius proclaims that Romulus will be king, after which Romulus marks the square sacred boundary of Rome on the Palatine Hill above the E shore of the River Tiber, known as the Roma Quadrata with the sacred bronze plow on the feast day (Parilia or Palilia) (Apr. 21) of the herd-flock god Pales (the hermaphrodite ass-god of ancient Caanan, for whom Palestine is named, as well as the Palatine Hill), then orders a ditch dug and sacred wall (pomerium) built around it, which jealous Remus jumps over, causing Romulus to kill him for sacrilege, becoming Rome's first king (which is why it's called Rome instead of Reme?); Vettius claims that the vision means that the fowls are eagles, indicating that Rome will kick everybody's butt and the city will thrive for 12 cents., but then the eagles will turn into vultures, indicating that Rome will fall and the inhabitants will become bird food (proof that paganism is true, or just a self-fulfilling prophecy, or a deep psychological meaning about killing one's good side so the bad side can run riot, becoming fatal in the end?) (if only he'd said twelve millennia?); when Jesus Christ is later portrayed as entering Jerusalem triumphantly on an ass, you figure it out?; speaking of bad side, Romulus rules for 37 years, waging war with the Sabines under Titus Tatius (d. -748) of Cures (on the left bank of the Tiber River 26 mi. from Rome), starting it by arranging for the mass-kidnapping and Rape of the Sabine Women in C Italy, which causes Tatius to capture Rome with help from Tarpeia, daughter of the cmdr. of the Roman citadel, who opens the gates on the promise that she will receive what the Sabines have on their left arms, which turns out to be their shields, after which they throw her from the Tarpeian Rock (which becomes the mode of execution of all capital punishment), after which the Sabine women (led by Romulus' wife Hersilia, daughter of Tatius) convince Tatius and Romulus to reconcile and rule Rome jointly, with the combined community called the Quirites; in modern times the historicity of Romulus is questioned, with German historian Theodor Mommsen uttering the soundbyte in 1854: "The founding of a city in the strict sense, such as the legend assumes, is of course to be reckoned altogether out of the question: Rome was not built in a day"; in 1900 Giacomo Boni (1859-1925) claims to find the tomb of Romulus; in 2007 U. of Rome prof. Count Andrea Carandini (1937-) uncovers evidence of the sacred wall plus Romulus' palace?; the next six kings are Numa Pompilius (-715 to -676), Tullus Hostilius (-673 to -641), Ancus Marcius (-640 to -617), Lucius Tarquinius Priscus (-616 to -578), Servius Tullius (-578 to -534), and Lucius Tarquinius Superbus (-534 to -510), the last three being Etruscans; the govt. is based on three tribes, the Ramnes, Tities, and Luceres (Latins, Sabines, and Etruscans?) (origin of the Latin word "tribus" for tribe), with the pop. split into the patricians (large landowners) and the plebs (plebeians) (clines) (Lat. "fillers") (small landowners); only the patricians constitute the populus (citizens), and have political rights and can serve in the army; the govt. is run by elective king and a small royal council of elders (senate), plus a 100-man assembly of elders (patres) composed of 10 curiae (assemblies) for each tribe, each elder serving for for life and having to be a patrician; the rex leads the army in person, and is preceded by lictors (officers), who bear the fasces, the symbols of power and punishment, and is the supreme judge in all civil and criminal suits; Roman citizenship requires membership in a gens (Lat. "to beget"), i.e., a clan traceable through the male line to a common free ancestor without any slaves in the middle; at first only patricians can use the "gentile" name as the middle of their three names, but later the plebes are permitted; Romulus later worships in the small temple of Jupiter Feretrius ("Jupiter who carries away the spoils of war") on the Capitoline Hill; the crude round hut called the House of Romulus on the C Palatine Hill stands for the next eight cents. - when do they install the mechanical bulls?

In 640 B.C.E. Ancus Marcius (Martius) (d. -617) becomes Etruscan king #4 of Rome (until -617), going on to construct Rome's first jail, the Carcer on the NE slope of the Capitoline Hill facing the Curia, the Sublician Bridge, the first bridge across the Tiber River, and the port of Ostia at the mouth of the Tiber River (14 mi. SW of Rome), becoming the first Roman colony, famed for salt works and as a port for grain from Sicily, Sardinia, and Africa, as well as chief base of the Roman navy; Marcius captures many Latin towns and moves their pops. to Rome.

About 600 B.C.E. the small 7-hill town of Rome experiences food shortages and is conquered by several Etruscan princes; the Etruscan League of Cities is formed in Italy, and Rome is ruled by Etruscan kings.

About 600 B.C.E. the Gauls, experiencing overpop. problems invade N Italy under their king Bellovesus with six excess tribes, the Bituriges, Arverner, Senonen, Haeduer, Ambarrer, Carnutes, and Aulerci, receiving help from the Greeks in Massilia (Marseille) to cross the Alps in the Tauriner area, then defeat the Etruscans under king Tarquinius Priscus at the Tessin River, and settle Insubria, founding the city of Mediolanum (Lat. "middle of the plain") (modern-day Milan).

In the 6th cent. B.C.E. Massalia (Massilia) (Marseille) (modern pop. 1M) on the Gulf of Lion on the Mediterranean is founded by Ionian (Phocaean) Greek and Phoenician colonists, despite Carthage trying to prevent it; the first historic mention of the Celtic Gauls (Gaels) ("love people?") and their country of Galatia (Gael. "Gaeltachd" = "land of the Gaels") ("milk-giving"?), who get introduced to olives and grape wine, and take a litle too well to wine, not drinking it diluted like civilized people?; the Anatolia (Greeks) find it hard to colonize Italy, being confined to the W; they are discouraged by the Phoenicians from settling in S Spain and Corsica, but establish colonies in Egypt.

About 600 B.C.E. the golden Fibula Praeneste (Praenestine Brooch) is made, becoming the oldest modern specimen of Latin after being found in 1886 C.E. in Praeneste, Italy; it contains the inscription "Manius me fecit Numasio" (Manius made me for Numarius"), with the funky antique spelling "Manios med fhefhaked Numasioi".

The original Downy it's a beautiful feeling? About 600 B.C.E. the Cloaca Maxima, which drains the site of the Roman forum is begun; public restrooms are later constructed by hewing open (no privacy, or gender segregation) toilet seats out of hillside rock, with the cloaca running underneath (just lift up your toga, sit down and tinkle and plop?); ass-wiping is done with toilet paper, er, Sears and Montgomery Ward catalogs, er, dried corn cobs, er, sponges on sticks, which are swished in the cloaca as needed, so that Roman butt is always clean enough to eat off of?; later, fountains are set up at the entrances, sometimes with slaves providing towels and perfume for washing up; the key to Roman superiority is not white is right (since some of their barbarian enemies are whiter than they are?), but I've got a cleaner ass than than you twig and leaf wipers?

About 515 B.C.E. the Euphronios (Sarpedon) Krater (one of 27 vases by Euphronius to survive to modern times, and the only undamaged one) is placed in an Etruscan tomb, and stolen in modern times, then smuggled out of Italy, where it ends up in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City; in Feb. 2006 the museum agrees to return it to Italy in return for loans of other antiquities.

The year 505 B.C.E. is an alt. date for the founding of the Early Roman Repub.

In the 5th cent. B.C.E. the Osco-Umbrian-speaking Rome-hating Aequi invade Latium from the C Apennines, while the Umbrian-speaking Germanic Marsi on the E shore of Fucinus Lake remain there; the Oscan-speaking Paeligni in the Valle Peligna ("Muddy Valley") in modern-cay Abruzzo, Vestini in modern-day Abruzzo in C Italy between the Gran Sasso and the N bank of the Aterno River, and Marrucini on the E coast of modern-day Abruzzo between the Aterno and Foro Rivers inhabit the E side of the Italian peninsula around Teate (Chieti); Oscan-speaking Frentani inhabit the SE Adriatic coast from Apulia to the frontiers of the Marrucini; the SC Apennines are inhabited by the Oscan-speaking Samnites, who by the end of the cent. are united in a loose but formidable confederation.

In 496 B.C.E. the Romans (Latins) under dictator Aulus Postumius Albus Regillensis defeat the pesky Etruscans under king Lars Porsena (Porsenna) (Pursenas) (ruling from Clusium) and Octavius Mamilius (son-in-law of Tarquin) at the Battle of Lake Regillus, allegedly with the help of heavenly twins Castor and Pollux; at this time Rome is 400 sq. mi. in area and has 150K pop.; legendary Roman hero Horatius holds the Etruscan army at bay while his fellow Romans cut down the Sublician Bridge the Tiber River, then swims to safety and is awarded as much land as he can plow in a day.

In 494 B.C.E. the First Plebeian Secession (gen. strike) in Rome (ends -493) is caused by outrage at patrician creditors enslaving pleb legionaries returning from the Volscian War; disobeying the orders of the consuls, they march to the Sacred Mount up the Tiber, beyond the Anio River, and threaten to found a new city unless their rights are respected; the patricians yield, giving them the institution of the tribuni plebis, the privilege of having officers of their own (tribunes and aediles) to protect them, with veto power over the patrician magistrates.

In 493 B.C.E. the Romans under Spurius Cassius (Lat. "vain") Vecellinus negotiate the Foedus Cassianum (Treaty of Cassius), a treaty with the Latin League which establishes a defensive alliance against the Aequi and Volsci, with joint annual campaigns and alternating generals, equal booty distribution, and joint colonies to be established on reconquered territories.

In 485 B.C.E. Spurius Cassius (d. -485) proposes the first agrarian laws, attempting to give some land in Gaul to the poor plebeians (who had to leave their farms in neglect and fall into debt during military service) instead of to the patricians, who divide it up among themselves; too bad, the patricians have him executed for attempting to achieve royal power, and his agrarian laws never come into effect.

In 485 B.C.E. the patrician Gens Fabia (Lat. "bean grower") rises to power in Rome), with brothers Quintus Fabius Vibulanus, Marcus Fabius Vibulanus, and Caeso Fabius Vibulanus< dominating the consulship until -478; this year Quintius Vibulanus lodges the spoils of a victory with the patricianu-run aerarium rather than the pleb-run publicum, pissing-off the plebs; meanwhile the patrician Gens Cornelia (Lat. "cornu" = horn) (of Etruscan origin) finally attains the consulship, after which its members get 30% of all consulships.

In 481 B.C.E. Roman consul Fabius Vibulanus leads an army to break the siege by the Aequi of Ortona, routing them with a cavalry charge; too bad, the infantry refuses to pursue them, which doesn't stop him from returning to Rome claiming a V.

In 479 B.C.E. after Caeso Fabius Vibulanus supports the plebeians, the otherwise illustrious patrician Fabian (Fabius) family becomes un-PC and is forced into exile to Veii, several mi. above Rome on the banks of the Cremera River.

In 477 B.C.E. the Fabian gens, fighting as a unit on behalf of Rome against the Etruscan city of Veii are annihilated by the Veientes at the Battle of the Cremera River; only one member survives to keep the line going.

In 459 B.C.E. the number of Roman tribunes is raised to 10.

In 458 B.C.E. Roman aristocrat Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus (Lat. "curly hair") (-519 to -430) is called from his farm to become dictator of Rome and lead the army against the pesky Aequi from the E in the led by Cloelius Gracchus at the First Battle of Mount Algidus Pass in Latium (2nd in -431), then returns to the farm after the victory rather than seek power for himself; in 1783 C.E. a group of Continental Army officers in the U.S. forms the Society of the Cincinnati in his honor.

In 452 B.C.E. the Roman decemvirs move the month of February from the end of the year to the month after January; it stays 29 days long (truncated to 23, 24, or 27 days at certain intervals) until one of its days is transferred to the month of August in the Julian Calendar, making it the only month in which no full moon is a possibility (e.g., 1999, 2018 C.E.).

In 451 B.C.E. after a long struggle by the plebeians to have the patricians write the laws down so that they could not change them by pulling on the ropes and stuff, the Twelve Tables (originally Ten Tables until -450) are written by the 10-patrician Decemviri Lat. "10 men") (Ten Consuls), appointed in place of the ordinary magistrates, giving Rome a basic law code, the Decemviral Code (Law of the Twelve Tables), becoming the basis of all Roman law, prescribeing a 2.5 ft. interval between houses, which breaks down during the rapid expansion after 390 B.C.E., causing the building of unsafe 5-6 story slum tenements (insulae) separated by 12-ft.-wide streets where wheeled traffic is forbidden during daylight.

About 450 B.C.E. the La Tene (Tène) Culture (ends 1st cent B.C.E.) develops from the Iron Age Hallstatt Culture on the N side of Lake Neuchatel in Switzerland, as discovered in 1857 by Hansli Kopp, and spreads to E France, Switzerland, Austria, SW Germany, Czech., Slovakia, and Hungary, being influenced by Greek and Etruscan culture; meanwhile the Jastorf Culture (ends 1st cent. B.C.E.) develops in N Germany; about this time the first Celtic invasions of Italy and the British Isles begin, incl. the Boii, who migrate from N of the Alps and settle in the Po Valley - how many years to William Wallace?

In 449 B.C.E. the second Decemviri (Appius Claudius Crassus Inregillensis Sabinus, Marcus Cornelius Maluginensis, Marcus Sergius Esquilinus, Lucius Minucius Esquilinus Augurinus, Quintus Fabius Vibulanus, Quintus Poetelius Libo Visolus, Titus Antonius Merenda, Kaeso Duillius Longus, Spurius Oppius Cornicen, Manius Rabuleius) overreach themselves, attempt a patrician counter-rev., and have to be forcibly disbanded after another plebe march to the Sacred Mount; lead decemvir Appius Claudius commits suicide in prison; the new patrician consuls Lucius Valerius Potitus and Marcus Horatius Barbatus pass the Valerio-Horatian Laws, establishing the right of appeal of magisterial decisions (provocatio), and affirming the inviolability of tribunes and aediles.

In 447 B.C.E. quaestors begin to be popularly elected in Rome rather than appointed by consuls.

In 446 B.C.E. the Volscians and Aequians revolt in Rome, setting up a base in Corbio and launching raids into Roman territory, causing a Roman army led by consults Titus Quinctius Capitolinus and Furius Agrippa Fusus to attack them with three infantry and one cavalry divs.; when Agrippa's left wing begins faltering, Agrippa chucks the battle standards over the enemy lines, forcing his men to fight and win to recover their honor.

In 445 B.C.E. the Lex Canuleia (Lex de canubia patrum et plebis), permitting marriage (conubium) between patricians and plebeians, with children inheriting the father's status, proposed by pleb tribune Gaius Canuleius is passed in Rome despite fierce opposition by the patricians and their consuls until the plebs go on a military strike and refuse to defend Rome; a proposal to permit plebs to become consuls is prevented by Senator (consul in -460) Gaius Claudius Sabinus Regillensis, who gets a proposal substituted to allow the election of military tribunes with consular power, which is done next year; "So that, you see, if Miss Plebs wanted Mr. Patrician to marry her, and he said he couldn't, she probably replied: 'Oh yes, you can, you liar!' " ("Goodbye, Mr. Chips", 1939) This is the 20th year of Artaxerxes I, when the walls of Jerusalem are commissioned to be rebuilt.

In 444 B.C.E. two patrician censors are established in Rome, along with military tribunes (possibly plebeian) with consular power, who alternate irregularly with consuls until -363 or -367.

In 438 B.C.E. Fidenae (9 mi. N of Rome) revolts, killing the Roman ambassador and reverting to their Hatfield-McCoy-style hatred of Romans (until -426).

In 435 B.C.E. the Etruscan town of Fidenae on the Via Salaria 5 mi. N of Rome is finally conquered by the Romans after ages of ill will and feuding.

On June 18, 431 B.C.E. after Rome declares war on the pesky Aequi from the E and Volsci from the W, and the consuls can't agree on a dictator, and consul Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus Pennus nominates his father-in-law Aulus Postumius Tubertus, the Romans decisively defeat them at the Second Battle of Algidus Pass (first in -458), becoming the last major battle with the Aequi, after which Postumius receives a triumph; too bad, Postumius' son is so eager to attack that he abandons his post, causing daddy to have him put to death - that was my favorite dog?

In 430 B.C.E. plague breaks out in Rome.

In 421 B.C.E. the number of Roman quaestors is raised to four, and the position is opened to plebeians.

About 420 B.C.E. an Etruscan tomb is built near modern-day Tarquinia (discovered 1985) that shows the earliest images of hell and redemption, incl. the Blue Demon, showing a shocking rev. in 200-y.-o. Etruscan thought, probably caused by the threat of extinction by the Romans, creating a new theology that promises bliss to the worthy warriors and torment to the unworthy ones?

In 405 B.C.E. the Romans seige the pesky Etruscan military fort of Veii just 10 mi. from Rome, the richest city of the Etruscan League.

In 404 B.C.E. Marcus Furius Camillus (-447 to -365) becomes Roman censor, beginning a long rise.

Late in the 5th cent. B.C.E. (-410?) the Etruscan bronze Mars of Todi statue is sculpted.

In 400 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Publius Licinius Calvus Esquilinus and Publius Manlius Vulso and Lucius Titinius Pansa Saccus and Publius Maelius Capitolinus and Spurius Furius Medullinus and Lucius Publilius Philo Vulscus - you can't have too many Roman consuls?

In the 4th cent. B.C.E. Jews begin migrating to Rome and various Mediterranean towns, forming separate communities; by the next cent. large numbers live in Greece, esp. Rhodes and Salonica (Thessaloniki), which becomes known as "the Mother of Israel".

A cemetery dating from the 4th cent. B.C.E. is found in the Ligurian city of Genua ("knee") (modern-day Genoa) on the Riviera 80 mi. S of Milan, proving Greek occupation of its fine harbor.

In the 4th cent. B.C.E. Rome begins minting bronze money to facilitate payments to the govt.

About 400 B.C.E. the Celtic (Alerci) Cenomani tribe of Gaul (modern-day Maine) under Elitovius crosses into the Po River Valley of Italy and drives out the Etruscans, founding a town on the later site of Cremona (ends -218), going on to part ways with other Celtic tribes in being friendly with the Romans; meanwhile the Celtic Boii tribe from Bohemia crosses the Great St. Bernard Pass and conquers the Etruscan town of Felsina, renaming it Bononia (modern-day Bologna), going on to intermarry with the Etruscans but stay Celtic.

About 400 B.C.E. the Celtic kingdom of Noricum is founded in modern-day Austria and Slovenia, bordered on the N by the Danube River, on the W by Raetia and Vindelicia, on the E and SE by Pannonia, and on the S by Italy, with capital at Virinum at the foot of Mt. Magdalensberg, becoming the S outpost of the Celts and launching point for attacks on Italy, becoming known for cattle breeding rather than agriculture because of their poor soil, and for supplying iron for Noric Steel, as well as Celtic nard (saliunca) for perfume.

In the 4th cent. C.E. the Romans adopt Greek religion, renaming the gods.

In the 4th cent. B.C.E. Roman teacher Lucio Ampelio (Lat. "vineyard") writes the booklet Liber Memorialis "For those who want to know everything, so that you learn what the world, what are the elements, what the world produces and what did the human race."

In the 4th cent. B.C.E. Roman physician Philistion "the Siciian" of Locri flourishes, leaving a cookbook and a materia medica after allegedly inventing a machine for restoring a dislocated humerus.

In the 4th cent. B.C.E. the Ficoroni Cista bronze ritual vessel is left in the tomb of an Etruscan woman in Praeneste (near modern-day Palestrina), featuring an engraved relief of Hercules and Iolaus; discovered in 1738 by Francesco Ficoroni (1664-1747).

In 399 B.C.E. according to Livius, the first offering to a Greek deity in Rome is made this year.

In 396 B.C.E. military pay is introduced in Rome to pump up the 10-y.-o. Siege of Veii, an Etruscan city 10 mi. NW of Rome, which is captured and destroyed by Roman dictator Marcus Furius Camillus (-447 to -365); the Romans annex the region, doubling their territory, and begin to absorb the Etruscans (claiming that Juno, the patron goddess of Veii had deserted them for Rome, building a statue to her in Rome to prove it?), but this gives the Celts their opening - we're moving on up, to the east side?

In 394 B.C.E. the Romans under Marcus Furius Camillus successfully siege the Etrurian (Etruscan) city of Falerii 30 mi. N of Rome, and Camillus goes into retirement in Ardea (until -391).

In 389 B.C.E. the plebeians propose that Rome be abandoned for Veii, but Marcus Furius Camillus gets the proposal defeated and the city begins to be rebuilt.

In 389 B.C.E. Marcus Manlius begins spending his fortune in releasing debtors trapped by the ursury of the patricians, but the latter eventually 'get' him by having him accused of tyrannical intentions, condemned as a traitor, and flung from the Tarpeian Rock on the edge of the Capitoline Hill he had once defended - do you have any trouble breathing?

Rome gets its first Celtic Trick or Treat? In 387 B.C.E. the Celtic Invasion of N Italy sees the 24K-man army of the Gallic (Celtic) Senones under chieftain Brennus (Brennos) (d. -279) (who crossed the Alps in -400, drove out the Umbrians, and settled on the E coast of of Italy from Forli to Ancona, founding their capital of Senigallia or Sinigaglia) invade the Etruscan province of Siena from the N, then (in cahoots with Dionysius of Syracuse to cause a diversion so he can take Sicily?) siege the Etruscans at Clusium on the Allia River (a tributary of the Tiber River) in the province of Siena, causing them to call for help from the Romans, after which Marcus Fabius Anbustus, pontifex maximus of Rome (the descendant of the only remaining Fabian after the Veii wipeout of -476) sends his three sons as ambassadors, but they instead decide to fight in the final Battle of the Allia on July 18 (-390?), when the Gauls take the city after surrounding and kicking the butts of six Roman legions and chasing them back to Rome, during which confusion Quintus Fabius kills a Gaulish chieftain, causing Brennus to claim that they had violated internat. law prohibiting ambassadors from fighting, and demand that they be turned over; when the Romans refuse, and instead honor them with appointments as military tribunes with consular powers, the Gauls prepare to march on Rome; the chieftain was killed before the battle, and that's what brought it on?; either way, the Gauls become the Romans' permanent bete noir (boogey man) when they siege Rome, find the gates left open and the citizens barricaded on the Capitoline Hill, then after pausing awestruck to view the magnificent bldgs. and the city fathers stoically awaiting their fate, they sack and burn six hills, before assaulting the Capitoline Hill, which is under the command of patrician Marcus Manlius Capitolinus, who tries to send a message to the Senate to reinstate Marcus Furius Camillius (-447 to -365) as dictator; too bad, as the messenger climbs up a secret path to the Senate the Gauls find out and begin a sneak attack, but he is saved by the honking of the sacred guard dogs, er, geese of Juno?; after agreeing to pay 1K lbs. of gold to buy them off (which the Romans later take as an insult, since Rome is worth much more?), the Gauls use rigged weights on the scales, and when the Romans complain, Brennus throws his sword on the scales and utters the soundbyte: "Vae victus" (Woe to the vanquished); too bad, the goosey Gauls stay too long (7 mo.), and don't bury their dead, causing dysentery to spread, giving Marcus Manlius time to raise an army and defeat and drive them from Rome, earning him the title "Pater Patriae" and "Second Founder of Rome", allegedly putting his sword on the scales too and uttering the soundbyte: "Not gold but steel redeems the native land"; this traumatic experience is the earliest fact of Roman history dated by contemporary Greek authors; after this experience, the 12-gate Servian Wall (Murus Servii Tullii) is built around Rome by -378, and the Roman army gives up the Greek phalanx-style spear and improves its armor, weapons, and org., getting serious, and Rome is not taken again until the 5th cent. C.E.; every year on the anniv. of this year's events guard dogs are crucified on the Capitoline Hill for failing to warn of the sneak attack, while geese are brought to watch on gilded purple cushions.

In 386 B.C.E. the Gauls infesting Rome are bought off, and return to the Po Valley - who would ever think that Rome would rule the world?

In 386 B.C.E. the one and only Roman jail is enlarged into the Tullianum, by Tullus Hostillius (Servius Tullius), consisting of two crypt-like rooms above each other, the top one being where they await trial, the bottom one where they are executed, going on to house Nugurtha from N Africa, Vercingetorix from Gaul, the Gracchi, and Catilina's conspirators, plus allegedly the Christian apostles Peter and Paul.

In 380 B.C.E. Rome is rebuilt under an alliance with the Samnites of the S Apennines.

In 378 B.C.E. Etruscan actors stage the first theatrical performances in Rome.

In 376 B.C.E. Gaius Licinius Calvus Stolo, one of the 1- tribunes for the people begins making proposals which attempt to give the plebeians a fair shake vis a vis the patricians, causing a 10-year power struggle.

In 375 B.C.E. five years of anarchy in Rome begins, with no curule magistrates elected.

In 368 B.C.E. the patricians abuse their power of setting up a dictator in time of military necessity, appointing Camillus (hero of Veii, and butt-kicker of the Falerii, Gauls, Aequi, Volsci and Etrusci), and Capitolinus; unfortunately for the patricians, Camillus is big enough to compromise with the plebeians - I need your strength, I need your tender touch?

In 367 B.C.E. Rome begins a series of four wars with the Gauls in C Italy (ends -349); 80-y.-o. Marcus Furius Camillus is made dictator for the 5th time; the Gauls siege Rome, after which Camillus defeats them near Alba; he then concedes the demands of the plebeians (plebs), dedicates a temple to Concord, and resigns; pleb tribunes Gaius (Caius) Licinius Calvus Stolo and Lucius Sextius Lateranus pass the Lex Licinia Sextia (Licinian-Sextian Rogations) (sounds like licentious sexual regulations?), which limit the amount of public land (500 iugera, or 2,500 eighths of an acre) and cattle a citizen can have, cutting down the few greedy patricians to size; debts can be forgiven by the payment of the principal only; the office of consular tribune is abolished, and henceforth at least one of the two consuls must be a plebeian; two patrician curule aediles are created to match the plebeian ones; the office of praetor urbanus is created; the duumviri (Duoviri) (two men of patrician status with priestly duties) who guard the Sibylline Books is increased to 10, with half of the priests required to be plebs; the plebeian-patrician struggle begins to go away as the line between them blurs, and within a cent. Rome is ruling and unifying all Italy from the Arno River (source at Mt. Falterona in the Apennines) to the Straits of Messina - party's over: breakthrough?

In 366 B.C.E. the first plebeian consul and the praetorship are created in Rome.

In 362 B.C.E. the Romans begin a series of wars with the Hernici and other Latin cities (ends -345).

In 361 B.C.E. Roman champion Titus Manlius Imperiosus Torquatus defeats a Gallic champion in single combat near the Anio River, taking his torque (collar) and gaining his nickname - the first Roman Rocky?

In 358 B.C.E. Rome forces defeated Latin cities into the Latin League and renews the Foedus Cassianum of the -490s.

In 351 B.C.E. the first plebeian censor in Rome is appointed.

About 350 B.C.E. the nice seaport of Nice (Nikaia) (Gr. "victory") is founded on the Mediterranean coast by the Greeks of Massilia (Marseille) after a big V over the neighboring Ligurians, and it soon becomes one of the busiest trading ports on the Ligurian Coast, while engaging in rivalry with the nearby Roman town of Cemeneleum on nearby Cimiez Hill.

By 350 B.C.E. all of S Etruria is being kept in check by Roman garrisons and denationalized by an influx of Roman colonists.

In 349 B.C. long-lived Roman hero Marcus Valerius Corvus (-370 to -270) defeats a giant Gallic champion in single combat, helped by a crow (giving him his cognomen), ending the Fourth Roman-Gallic War (begun ?) - the second Roman Rocky?

In 343 B.C.E. the First Samnite War (ends -341), the first of three Roman wars with the Samnites in S Italy begins when the Oscan Campanians ask for Roman aid against the Samnites - of course it's awful but it's a job?

In 342 B.C.E. the Latin Revolt (ends -338) begins when the Lucanians invade Tarentum from C Italy, causing the latter to call on Sparta for help, and they send Archidamus III with an army and fleet.

In 341 B.C.E. the First Samnite War (begun -343) ends in a draw after minor Roman Vs.

In 340 B.C.E. the Great (Second) Latin War (ends -338) begins when Latin and Volscian cities revolt against Roman domination of the Latin League; Roman consul Publius Decius Mus does a devotio, sacrificing himself to the gods in battle to guarantee a V in the Latin War - I Mus do it, I Mus?

In 340 B.C.E. the Romans begin settling Campania, displacing the Oscans and the Greeks (in Neapolis or Naples and Cumae), and founding or enlarging the towns of Capua, Puteoli, Nola, Pompeii, Hercules-worshipping Herculaneum, Nuceria, Teanum, Venafrum (known for fine olives) and Salernum; the coast becomes a favorite resort for wealthy Romans, who build villas at Misenum, Pompeii, Herculaneum, Puteoli, Baiae et al.

In 338 B.C.E. the Latin Revolt (begun -342) ends after Sparta is defeated and Archidamus III is KIA at the Battle of Manduria (in modern-day Taranto). The Great Latin War (begun -340) ends with a Roman V at the Battle of Trifanum; the Latin League is dissolved, and Rome now dictates Latin foreign policy; most of the conquered Italic states have their land confiscated to become ager publicus, and are reduced to the status of civitates federatae (allied states), forced to contribute soldiers to Rome; old Latin states such as Tibur (Tivoli) (20 mi. from Rome at the confluence of the Sabie and Aniene Rivers) and Praeneste retain autonomous govts. with the right of ius migrationis (becoming Roman citizens if they move to Rome); their remaining enemies form a last ditch anti-Roman coalition, which incl. the Etruscans, Umbrians and Gauls in the N and the Lucanians, Bruttians and Samnites in the S (ends -280).

In 337 B.C.E. the first plebeian praetor in Rome is elected, and the praetorship is made the stepping stone to the consulate.

In 334 B.C.E. Alexander I of Epirus is called in to assist the Italiote League fighting the Lucanians in S Italy, going on to win a series of victories and sign a treaty with Rome. The Romans agree with Tarentum not to send warships into the Gulf of Taranto.

In 328 B.C.E. the Romans siege Greek-held Neapolis (Gr. "New City") (Naples) on the Bay of Naples 120 mi. SE of Rome (until -327).

In 327 B.C.E. the Greek colony of Neapolis comes under Roman control, but retains its Greek culture, going on to become a favorite resort for the wealthy - the clothes make the matron?

In 326 B.C.E. Promagistracies are introduced in Rome to extend the term of office of a consul to complete a military campaign.

In 325 B.C.E. the Oscan city of Cumae in S Italy is conquered by the Romans, who turn it into a seaside resort for Roman politicos.

In 321 B.C.E. a Roman army is trapped by the Samnites in Samnium at the Battle of Caudine Forks, and Rome is forced to negotiate an unfavorable peace (until -316).

In 320 B.C.E. the Tarentines make peace with the Samnites in S Italy.

In 316 B.C.E. the Romans resume hostilities against the Little Black Sambos, er, Samnites.

In 315 B.C.E. the Samnites kick Roman butt under dictator Quintus Fabius Maximus Rullianus at the Battle of Lautulae near Terracina - which only makes the Romans madder?

In 312 B.C.E. blind Roman censor Appius Claudius Caecus (the Blind) (-340 to -273) begins distributing freedmen among the rural tribes (until -304), and begins building the Appian Way (Via Appia) in Italy, extending SE from the Palatine Hill in Rome to Capua; it is later extended to Beneventum, Tarentum, and Brundisium (350 mi. total), and the Greek cities of Campania; he also builds the first Roman aqueduct; the Celts had been building roads for at least two cents. by this time, and introduce helmets with cheek-guards, which the Romans steal from them?

In 312 B.C.E. silver coinage is first issued by Rome.

In 309 B.C.E. the Etruscan city of Perugia (Perusia) on the Tiber River (103 mi. SE of modern-day Florence) comes under Roman domination.

In 305 B.C.E. the Romans decisively defeat the Samnites and force them to come to the negotiating table.

In 304 B.C.E. the Samnites sign a peace with the Romans, ending the Second Samnite War (begun -322), giving sole hegemony of Campania to them.

In 304 B.C.E. the new Roman censors set aside old censor Appius Claudius Caecus' innovations of calling sons of freedmen to the Senate, and limit distribution of freedmen to the four urban tribes.

In the late 4th cent. B.C.E., (-150) the city of Trier (Triers) (Treves) (modern-day pop. 110K) in the lower Moselle River Valley in the W of the modern-state of Rhine-Palatinate near the modern-day Luxembourg border is founded by the Celtic Treveri tribe; it goes on to become one of the four capitals of the Roman Empire in the late 3rd and early 4th cents. C.E.

In 300 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Marcus Valerius Maximus Corvus (5th time) and Quintus Appuleius Pansa.

In the 3rd cent. B.C.E. the city of Salona on the Jadro River in Croatia is founded near the Greek cities of Tragurian and Epetian, growing to 60K pop. and becoming the capital of the Roman province of Dalmatia; it is destroyed in the 7th cent. C.E. invasions of the Slavs and Avars, leaving large ruins.

In the 3rd cent. B.C.E. the tribal Berber kingdom of Mauretania (Mauritania) on the coast of modern-day Morocco is founded, becoming a client state of the Roman Empire in 33 B.C.E., and a full Roman province in 40 C.E. after the death of last king Ptolemy of Mauretania (-13 to 40).

In the 3rd cent. B.C.E. Roman men begin wearing their hair short.

About the 3rd cent. B.C.E. the first Roman silver coins are produced.

In 299 B.C.E. the Third Samnite War begins (ends -290) when the Etruscans attempt to turn an invasion of their territory by the Gauls around by bribing them to ally with them in an attack on Rome, but after they get the money they won't do it and leave the area, causing the Romans under consul Titus Manlius Torquatus, allied with the Picentes on the Adriatic coast, the Senone Gauls in the N, and the Pretutii in the S to invade Etruria; too bad, Torquatus is killed in a riding accident, and is replaced by Marcus Valerius Corvus Calenus, who ravages the land while the Etruscans hole-up in their forts.

In 298 B.C.E. the Samnites invade the territory of the Lucanians, causing Rome to declare war on them, sending an army under consul Gnaeus Fulvius Maximus Centumalus, which captures Samniium, Bovianum, Vetus, and Aufidena. while another Roman army under consul Lucius Cornelius Scipio Barbatus attacks Volterrae in N Etruria and lays all Etruscian territory N of of the Tiber River waste.

In 296 B.C.E. the first temple in Rome dedicated to bloody-scourge-carrying Roman goddess of war Bellona (sister-wife of Mars) is built in the Campus Martius next to the Temple of Apollo Sosianus and the Theater of Marcellus near the Servian Wall by Appius Claudius, and the site is used by the Senate for official receptions of foreign ambassadors and declarations of war.

In 295 B.C.E. the Romans under consuls Quintus Fabius Maximus Rullianus (Rullus) (Lat. "uncultivated", "beggar") and Publius Decius Mus the Younger (who does the devotio thingie like his dad and seeks death in battle to gain divine assurance of a Roman V) defeat a large force of Samnites, Etruscans, Umbrians, and Senone Gauls (Celts) at the Battle of Sentinum in Umbria (in the Marche NE Italy on the Apennine ridges), causing the Gauls to scatter and the Umbrians to become kaput.

In 291 B.C.E. the Romans finally defeat the Samnites.

By 290 B.C.E. the Po Valley is inhabited by three main Celtic tribes: the Boii in the S, with capital at Bononia (Bologna), the Cenomani in the center, and the Insubres in the N; to the E live the non-Celtic Veneti, and to the W (in the Apennines in NW Italy N of Etruria) (also in SE Gaul and Switzerland) live the non-Celtic Ligurians, who become a commercial people controlling the mountain passes between Italy and Switzerland until the Romans kick their butts.

In 290 B.C.E. the Romans force peace with the Samnites and gain control of C Italy, taking Samnite land for Latin colonization, and ending the Third Samnite War (begun -298); the Sabines are given Latin rights; the Gauls still control the Po Valley, and the Greeks still control some cities in Magna Graecia (S Italy) - but they know their time is coming?

In 287 B.C.E. the Fifth (Third) Secession of the Plebeians to the Janiculum Hill on the W side of the Tiber River opposite its N bend results in Roman dictator Quintus Hortensius passing the Lex Hortenisa, making plebiscita passed by the concilium plebis binding on all Romans; the patrician-plebeian struggle ends with the formation of a joint nobility, but a "novus homo", a man without office-holding ancestors needs the help of a nobleman to obtain high office.

In 285 B.C.E. the Gaullic Senones invade Roman territory again, and massacre Romans on the Tiber River, causing them to begin an anti-Trick-or-Treat revenge tour.

In 283 B.C.E. the Romans under consul Publius Cornelius Dolabella drive the Senones out of Roman territory, and they never return, probably joining other bands of Gauls headed to Macedonia, Asia Minor, and the Danube River; the Romans found a colony at Sena Gallica (modern-day Senigallia).

In 283 B.C.E. the Romans under Gen. Sulla conquer the Etruscan town of Fiesole (Faesulae), where every year 12 young Roman men had been sent to study divination in their famous augur school; Sulla colonizes it with veterans, who later support Cataline under their leader Gaius Mallius.

In 282 B.C.E. after the Romans mop-up the S states of the Anti-Roman Coalition, the Greek colony of Tarentum pisses them off by sinking four Roman ships that had sailed into their waters (claiming violation of their maritime treaty of -334) in retaliation for Roman occupation of the Greek city of Thurii in Magna Graecia (S Italy), then driving a Roman garrison from Thurii, causing Rome to declare war, beginning the Pyrrhic War (ends -272).

About 280 B.C.E. the Gallic invasion of the Balkans sees an 85K-man army of Celtic Gauls from overpopulated Pannonia led by Cambaules and Brennus ("duke") (Acichorius?) (-279) invade the Balkans, reaching N Bulgaria next year before splitting into three groups, with Brennus' group invading Paionia (Paeonia) N of Macedonia, group #2 led by Cerethrius, Leonnorius and Lutarius invading Thrace and Triballi, and group #3 led by Bolgius (Bolgios) (Belgius) invading Macedonia and Illyria.

In spring 279 B.C.E. after they offer Ptolemy Keraunos the chance of paying them to keep them from attacking, and he underestimates them and turns down an offer of 20K soldiers from the Dardanians, then refuses to aid the tribes of Thrace against them, causing them to switch sides, the Celtic Gauls of Bolgius invade Macedonia and kick Ptolemy II's Keraunos' ceramic anus and capture and behead him after he is thrown by his elephant, parading his head around on a spear, leaving Macedonia in anarchy, with rulership claimed successively by Keraunos' brother Meleager, Antipater Etesias, and Sosthenes; the First War of Succession in Syria (begun -280) ends by default; too bad, the Gauls don't follow-up their V in Macedonia, and Macedonian gen. Sosthenes (d. -277) assembles an army that forces Bolgius' troops to withdraw, only to be defeated by more Gauls under Brennus, after which 30K Gauls under Brennus defeat the Greeks at the Second Battle of Thermopylae after being held back for several mo., but are turned back at the Battle of Delphi after the Greek gods allegedly send them bad weather and the Celts go mad and slay 26K of each other; Brennus dies of his wounds, while his army retreats to the Spercheios River, only to be routed by an army of Thessalians and Malians; Arsinoe II flees to Alexandria after Ptolemy II Philadelphus executes her two younger sons, and exiles his 4K Celtic mercenaries on a small island in the Nile, starving them to death.

The original Et Tu, Brute? In 279 B.C.E. the Brutti, Lucani, and Samnites ally against Rome with Pyrrhus, who sends ambassador Cineas to the Roman Senate with a (cynical?) peace offer, demanding that the Romans stop aggression agains the Greeks of S Italy and restore lands taken from the Brutii, Apulians, and Samnites, which is rejected after blind ex-censor Appius Claudius Caecus rallies them against it; Rome and Carthage agree to support each other against Pyrrhus, who leads an army of Tarantines, Oscans, Samnites, and Greeks that routs the Romans at the hard-fought Battle of Ausculum in Apulia, then finds himself in yet another Pyrrhic V ("One more victory against the Romans and we shall be utterly ruined"), and withdraws to Tarentum again, sending Cineas with another peace offer, which goes nowhere; Publius Decius Mus III follows his father and grandfather in sacrificing himself in order to sic the gods on them in vain.

In 279 B.C.E. Singidunum ("round fort") (modern day-Belgrade) in Serbia at the confluence of the Sava, Drave, and Danube Rivers is mentioned for the first time, populated by the Celtic (Gallic) Scordisci tribe, which conquers the regions of modern-day Serbia, Croatia, Bulgaria, and Romania befoe being absorbed as the Roman provinces of Pannonia, Moesia, and Dacia in the 1st cent. C.E.; the "dun" part is Celtic for fortress; the previous inhabitants were the Thracian tribe of Sings.

In 277 B.C.E. an army of 20K Gauls led by Leonnorius et al. siege Byzantium and force them to pay tribute, gaining control of Lysimachia; they then luck out when Nicomedes I of Bithynia allies with them in an effort to rid his kingdom of his pesky brother Zipoites II, and helps them cross into Asia Minor to defeat and kill the pest, allowing Big Nick to become sole ruler of Bithynia; the Gauls then advance into Phrygia and colonize Galatia in the Kizil Irmak and Delice Irmak River basins on the great central plateau of Asia Minor, with capital at Ancyra (modern-day Ankara) (225 mi. ENE of Byzantium), mixing with a gaggle of Greeks and raising sheep and goats; meanwhile back in Macedonia, Antigonus II Gonatas defeats the Gauls under Cerethriius at the Battle of Lysimachia, and recovers Macedonia from the "wild men", establishing the Antigonid Dynasty (ends -168); the defeated Gauls move inland to Thrace and establish a kingdom with capital at Tyle (Tylis) (modern-day Kazanluk) (ends -211) - Spartacus' great-great-?-grandfather might be a Celt?

In 276 B.C.E. the Greek Sicilians revolt against Pyrrhus, and he returns to Italy, crossing from Epirus to Brindisi (on Italy's heel), intending to kick Roman butt all along the Appian Way to Rome.

In 275 B.C.E. the Romans under Manius Curius Dentatus (d. -270) defeat Pyrrhus at the Battle of Malventum (Beneventum) ("bad wind"); Pyrrhus withdraws to Tarentum, decides to give up conquering the Romans and returns to Epirus, leaving Gen. Milo to defend it; Hiero II (-308 to -215), bastard son of Syracusan noble Hierocles is chosen as cmdr. of the army of Syracuse; the Romans establish a colony at Malventum, which they rename to Beneventum (Benevenuto)("good wind").

In 273 B.C.E. the Romans establish a colony at Paestum in Lucania, S Italy, and build a Doric Temple of Ceres there; by the 1st cent. B.C.E. it becomes famous for its roses, mentioned by several poets incl. Vergil.

In 272 B.C.E. Pyrrhus (b. 319) invades the Peloponnese with 25K infantry, 2K cavalry and 24 elephants to restore Cleonymus, and is met by Sparta and a coalition of Greek city-states; at the walls of Sparta the spunky Spartans tell Pyrrhus, "If thou art a god, thou wilt not hurt those who have never injured thee; if thou art a man, advance, and thou wilt find men equal to thyself" (Plutarch); Pyrrhus is paralyzed and KIA during a street fight in Argos by one of Antigonus II's soldiers (struck by a tile?); Antigonus II returns to Macedonia, establishing control of Greece by garrisoning Corinth, Chalcis (Euboea), and Demetrius (Thrace), making peace with the Aetolian League and backing pro-Macedonian tyrants in the Peloponnesus; with Pyrrhus kaput, Gen. Milo surrenders Tarentum, and the Romans win the Pyrrhic War (begun -282), and with it almost all of Italy S of the Po Valley, conquering the Brutti, Lucani, and Samnites, and garrisoning Tarentum and other Greek cities in S Italy; much of Sicily remains under Carthaginian control.

In 272 B.C.E. the Aqua Anio Vetus aqueduct in Rome is built, originating at the Aniene (Teverone) River in Lazio, becoming one of 11 that eventually serve the well-watered Romans.

In 270 B.C.E. Rome captures Rhegium (modern-day Reggio di Calabria) in S Italy from the Mamertines; minor rebellions continue in Etruria until -264.

In 267 B.C.E. the Romans led by consul Marcus Attilius Regulus (-308 to -250) conquer the Sallentini and capture the artificial port of Brundisium (modern-day Brindisi) on Italy's heel; he receives a triumph for it (24 white oxen); to qualify for a triumph one must kill at least 5K enemies and gather sufficient spoil; runners-up get a single white sheep (ovus)?

In 266 B.C.E. Rome completes the conquest of Italy to the Arno River and the Rubicon River.

In 265 B.C.E. the Roman census counts 292,234 citizens in the Roman dominions in Italy S of the Arno River, showing how the Roman Republic is diffusing citizenship outside Rome itself for the first time in history.

In 265 B.C.E. the Romans first learn about Greek medicine from captured POWs.

In 264 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Appius Claudius Caudex and Marcus (Quintus) Fulvius Flaccus, who launches a long distinguished career as a statesman and military cmdr., starting with the sacking of the Etruscan city of Volsinii (Vulsinii) (Velsuna) (Velzna) (modern-day Bolsena in Lazio or Orvieto in Umbria) in Umbria in C Italy, becoming the last Etruscan city to be taken by the Romans, breaking the spirit of the Etruscan League of Twelve Cities; a 5th cent. B.C.E. Etruscan necropolis is discovered there in 1874 C.E.

In 264 B.C.E. the First Punic (Gr. "Phoenician") War (ends -241) begins when the Carthaginians allied with Hiero II of Syracuse siege the Mamertine pirates in Messina (Messana) and oust them, causing them to appeal to the New Big Cocks of Rome to kick the Carthaginians out, and the Romans decide to help them because of jealousy, defeating the Syracusan army; "So began the first of the most wasteful and disastrous series of wars that has ever darkened the history of mankind" (H.G. Wells); followed by the Second Punic War (-228 to -201) and Third Punic War (-149 to -146).

In 264 B.C.E. the first recorded Gladiatorial Combat in Rome is held to honor the deceased Junius Brutus as the Romans decide to revive an old Etruscan sport with a modest display of three couples; Roman moralists approve of public violence and pain while disapproving of public kissing, ornaments on women, and Greek philosophy (which condemns gladiator events) - a quirk that survives into 20th cent. C.E. movies and TV?

By 264 B.C.E. the Romans have founded eight Roman colonies of 300 Roman citizens on the coast of Italy on land taken from conquered peoples to use for defensive purposes; other colonies of up to 4K settlers are established as military outposts, and are permitted self-govt.

In 263 B.C.E. Rome sieges Syracuse and defeats Hiero II, causing him to make peace, sign a treaty, and become a Roman ally.

In 262 B.C.E. Agrigentum (modern-day Agrigento) on the S coast of Sicily is captured by Rome after a trench war and the loss of 30K Romans through plague and starvation and war; the Carthaginians evacuate to the fortified towns on the W coast of Sicily, anchored by Lilybaeum, where the Carthaginian fleet can easily supply them from Africa.

In 261 B.C.E. the Romans begin building a new fleet of quinqueremes based on a captured Carthaginian vessel; in 2 mo. they build 100 of them, plus 30 triremes; having no naval skills, they scrap the Carthaginian tactic of ramming or breaking the oars of enemy ships, and instead invent the corvus (lat. "crow, raven") (harpago) boarding device, a long drawbridge that they swing down on the enemy deck and swarm soldiers over.

In 260 B.C.E. the first Roman naval V occurs at the Battle of Mylae (modern-day Milazzo), off the N coast of Sicily, with the capture or destructon of 50 Carthaginian vessels, stunning the Carthaginians with their new tactics incl. the corvus boarding device, becoming the first Roman naval V over the Carthaginians.

In 257 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Quintus Ogulnius Gallus (dictator) and Gnaeus Cornelius Blasio and Gaius Atilius Regulus; Regulus becomes a consul for the 2nd time when he and his colleague Lucius Manlius Vulso defeat the Carthaginian fleet off Mt. Ecnomus in SE Sicily, then land a large force in Africa; Manlius returns to Rome with half the army, leaving Regulus to finish up.

In 256 B.C.E. the naval Battle of Cape Ecnomus off modern-day Licata, Sicily, "the greatest naval engagement of antiquity" is a giant V for the Roman fleet over the Carthaginians, in which 700-800 big ships duke it out, with 140K rowers and marines on the Roman side and 150K rowers and marines on the Carthaginian side; the Romans continue to trump their corvus technology to sink 30 enemy ships and capture 65.

In 255 B.C.E. the Romans invade Africa by sea with an insufficiently-supported Roman army of 15K infantry and 500 cavalry led by Marcus Atillius Regulus (d. -250); after capturing Tunis (10 mi. from Carthage), they are defeated by the Carthaginians under the leadership of Lacedaemonian mercenary Xanthippus at the Battle of Bagradas (Tunis); 12K Romans are KIA, and Regulus is captured with his last 500 soldiers.

In 254 B.C.E. the First Battle of Panormus sees the Carthaginian colony of Panormus (Panormos) (Gr. "sheltered harbor") (Palermo) in NE Sicily (founded in -734 by the Phoenicians) taken by the Romans.

In 254 B.C.E. Carthage recaptures Agrigentum.

In 254 B.C.E. Ziaelas defeats Etazeta, and she flees to Macedonia with her sons; Ziaelas becomes king #3 of Bithynia (until -228).

In 252 B.C.E. a storm destroys the Roman naval fleet, but they build a second fleet of 220 ships within 3 mo.

In 251 B.C.E. the Second Battle of Panormus sees 60K Romans under consul Lucius Caecilius Metellus defeat 21K Carthaginians under Hasdrubal, killing 11K Carthaginians (vs. 2.5K Romans) and capturing 104 elephants before making a triumphal procession into Rome.

About 250 B.C.E. the Roman Warm Period (Climatic Optimum) in Europe and North Am. begins (ends 400 C.E.), causing Theophrastus to write that date trees can grow in Greece but can't set fruit, as in modern times; the mild weather conditions help Hannibal cross the Alps with his elephants.

In 250 B.C.E. the Carthaginians sue Rome for peace, dragging Regulus along with them; after he puts on a heroic show to dissuade them from ransoming him, he is returned to Carthage and put to death in a spiked barrel; the Romans seize Lilybaeum (Marsala), the Carthaginian naval base at the W tip of Sicily.

About 250 B.C.E. Agron (d. -231) establishes the first Kingdom of Illyria (Albania) (Bosnia), building a modest stone city.

About 250 B.C.E. the city of Paris in Gaul is settled by the Celtic Parisii.

By 250 B.C.E. wheat (triticum) (bread) displaces emmer (far) (porridge) as the staple of the Roman diet, although Greeks continue to call Romans "porridge eaters".

In 249 B.C.E. the naval Battle of Drepanum is a V for Carthage against Rome, which loses 180 of 210 ships, and builds a 3rd fleet of 120 battleships and 800 transports, which they lose partly in battle and partly in a storm.

In 247 B.C.E. the Achaean League drives the Macedonians from Corinth. Hamilcar ("brother of Melqart") Barca ("lightning") (-275 to -228) is appointed CIC of Carthaginian forces in Sicily, sending naval forces to ravage the coastline of Lucania and Bruttium before establishing himself on 1,970-ft. Mt. Eercte (Hercte) (Mount Pellegino) (W of Panormus) in N Sicily (most beautiful promontory in the world, according to Goethe) (until -244), fortifying his camp, building a harbor for his fleet, and continuing raids on the Italian coast as far N as Cumae.

In 244 B.C.E. Hamilcar Barca is dislodged from Mount Ercte, and captures the city of Eryx at the base of 750m Mount Eryx (Erice) (modern-day Monte San Giuliano) in W Sicily, trapping the Romans guarding the Temple of Venus at the top while sending his army to siege Drepanum and raiding the coasts of Sicily and Italy with his fleet (until -241).

In 242 B.C.E. a praetor peregrinus is appointed to assist the praetor urbanus in lawsuits in which one or both of the litigants are foreigners.

On Mar. 10, 241 B.C.E. after the exhausted Romans manage to launch a 4th fleet of 200 ships under Gaius Lutatius Catulus, they win the naval Battle of the Aegates (Egadi) Islandsagainst exhausted Carthage under Adm. Hanno off the Aegates Islands W of Sicily, cutting off their African supply bases and winning Sicily, forcing Hamilcar to abandon it; Carthage is doomed.

In 241 B.C.E. the Aurelian Road (Via Aurelia) between Rome and Alsium, then along the SW coast of Italy as far as Cosa is begun; it is eventually extended into Arles in Gaul.

In 240 B.C.E. Halley's Comet can be traced back to this year (76-year cycle); it tends to appear four years before a war breaks out?

Sweet dreams are made of these? In 240 B.C.E. Carthaginian gen. Hamilcar Barca signs a treaty with Roman Gen. Gaius Lutatius Catulus, ending the First Punic "offensive-defensive" War (begun -264); Sicily (except for Syracuse and one-quarter of Sicily, which are controlled by Hiero II) becomes an "estate" of the Roman people, paying tribute and yielding profit to the victors; Carthage pays a war indemnity of 3.2K talents; there is peace between R and C for 22 years after this war in which both really lose?; but never fear, because after Hamilcar, suffering from lack of support by his govt. reneges on promised pay to some of his African tribal mercenaries from Sicily, they mutiny and begin looting, forcing farmers to quit cultivating the land; after Carthaginian politician Hanno the Great fails to appease them, he summons Hamilcar, who ruthlessly kicks their butts on the Bagrades River (modern-day Medjerda) and relieves the siege of Utica, only to be sieged by the mercenaries under Spendius, defeating them again with help from Numidian chief Naravas, killing 10K and taking 4K POWs, enrolling them in his army or releasing them until he learns that they have been mutilating Carthaginian POWs, then crucifying them by the thousands and capturing their towns.

You just know that the Romans stole their higher culture from Greece, but can't pin it down to a year? In 240 B.C.E. the Anteclassical Period of Latin (ends -80), known for the writings of Ennius, Plautus, and Terence begins when Lucius Livius Andronicus (-284 to -204), a Greek freedman who had been captured at Tarentum in -272 becomes the first Greek teacher in Rome, adapting Greek comedies and tragedies for performance in Latin, founding Latin lit.; he also translates Homer's "Odyssey" into Latin, giving Romans their first poetry other than hymns and drinking songs?

In 239 B.C.E. after Hanno quarrels openly with Hamilcar, the latter is promoted to CIC of the Carthaginian army, defeating an army of mercenaries sieging Carthage by driving them into a defile and massacring them, then reconciling with Hanno under pressure of the senate and sieging Tunis, defeating their leader Matho and reducing Utica; Hamicar forms a plan to conquer and found a new empire in Spain to use as a base for a final assault on Rome (begins -237).

In 238 B.C.E. after it revolts, a Roman fleet under plebeian consul Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus Major (the Elder) (first of the gens Sempronia to become consul) lays siege to the Carthaginian province of Sardinia (135 mi. W of the mouth of the Tiber River) and annexes it; he also scores a V over the Ligurians in NW Italy; in spring after receiving support from the senate to make up for the loss of Sicily and Sardinia, Carthaginian gen. Hamilcar Barca goes to Spain with his 9-y.-o. son Hannibal after making him swear eternal enmity against Rome, using the Phoenician colony of Gades as base to take on the Tartessians, Celts, and Iberians in S and W Spain.

In 235 B.C.E. the doors of the Temple of Janus Geminus in Roman Forum are closed for the first time, indicating that Rome is at peace; next time -30.

In 235 B.C.E. 5he first elementary school opens in Rome.

In 230 B..C.E. a new invasion force of Gauls crosses the Alps into Italy, ending the longtime peace between the tribes of Cisalpine Gaul (Po Valley) and Rome, causing the Boii to personally repel them, after which an arriving Roman army turns back.

In 229 B.C.E. the Romans declare war on Queen Teuta of Illyrium, and a huge army and navy under the command of Santumalus and Alvinus attacks Albania (Dalmatia), capturing the coastal city of Epidamnos, whose name the Romans don't like because of associations with the Latin word "damnum", causing them to rename it Dyrrachium (Lat. "bad spine", "difficult ridge") for its high cliffs (really named after its founder?); it becomes the landing spot for Romans crossing the Ionian Sea from Brundisium, and the start of the Via Egnatia military road to Thessalonica.

In 228 B.C.E. Hamilcar Barca (b. -275) is KIA in Spain in battle against the Vettones (drowns on the back of an elephant?), and his 2nd son Hasdrubal Barca ("lightning") (-245 to -207) (Hannibal's brother) takes command of the Carthaginian army in Spain, and finishes conquering it, founding the city of Carthago Nova (New Carthage) (Nova Cartagena), located on a peninsula with two excellent harbors and a nearby silver mine; the Romans forbid them to cross the Ebro River.

In 228 B.C.E. Dalmatia comes under Roman domination.

In 228 B.C.E. the first Roman ambassadors are sent to Athens and Corinth - how long till they sack it?

In 227 B.C.E. Teuta accepts a peace with Rome, and abdicates and/or dies.

In 225 B.C.E. Roman pop.: 5M, incl. 3M-3.5M free, 1.2M-1.7M slaves, and 280K Roman citizens; by 14 C.E. the pop. of Italy increases by 50%, mostly slaves.

In 225 B.C.E. the Romans decide to partition the Gallic territory of Picenum in the Italian Marche, pissing-off the neighboring Boii and Insubres of Cisalpine Gaul, who hire the Gaesatae (Gael. "spearmen"), a group of naked dangly Gaulish mercenaries living in the Alps near the Rhone River, led by Concolitanus and Aneroestes (Aneroëstes) (d. -225) to help them fight the Romans, the news causing the Romans to make a treaty with Carthaginian gen. Hasdrubal giving him control of Hispania to free them to take on the pesky Gauls, with consuls Gaius Atilius Regulus (d. -225) and Lucius Aemilius Papus forming armies, with Papus stationing four legions of Romans (22K men) plus 32K allies in Ariminum, stationing another 54K Sabines and Etruscans under command of a praetor on the Etruscan border, and sending 20K Umbrians and Sarsinates and 20K Veneti and Cenomani to attack the home territory of the Boii, threatening the Insubrian frontier, while Regulus ships off from Sardina with 50K men, and calls on 21.5K Romans and 32K allies in Rome, plus reserve legions in Sicily and Tarentum; meanwhile after 70K madass mainly naked and dangly Celts (incl. 30K Gaesatae) overrun Etruria and march toward Rome (the last serious invasion of Italy by the Gauls), the Romans meet up with them at Clusium (three days march from Rome), causing both sides to set up camps; the 50K-man Gallic infantry then leaves their 20K-man cavalry behind at night with campfires burning while they sneak off to the Etruscan town of Faesulae (modern-day Fiesole) 3 mi. NE of Florence (modern-day Fiesole) and entrench themselves with new fortifications, after which the next morning the cavalry parades out, causing the Romans under Papus to believe they're retreating and follow them to the trap, where 6K are KIA; after the Gauls make the mistake of veering to the coast to make off with their booty, the Romans under Regulus cut them off at Telamon in Etruria (modern-day Talamone in Tuscany), causing the Battle of Telamon (last use of the war chariot in continental Europe), starting with a hill battle that results in Regulus being KIA, and his head taken for a new drinking cup, pissing-off the remaining 75K Romans (incl. 5K cavalry) under Papus, who defeat them after the small er, shields of the Gaesatae in the front prove no match for Roman javelins, causing them to retreat, after which their allies are slaughtered, with 40K casualties and 10K taken POW, incl. Concolitanus; Aneroestes escapes and commits suicide; the Romans engage in human sacrifice before the battle in order to examine the quivering livers of the victims for signs and portents; Papus then goes on a punitive expedition, destroying all Celtic tribes S of the Po River, after which he receives a triumph in Rome - you won't have my mataris to kick around anymore?

About 225 B.C.E. Roman historian ("Father of Roman History") Quintus Fabius Pictor writes a Roman History (in Greek), covering from Anaeas to the Second Punic War; the first Roman historian writes in Greek?

In 222 B.C.E. the Romans conquer N Italy from the Celts, incl. Novara in the Piedmont, and the ancient Celtic town of Mediolanum (modern-day Milan) (Lat. "medio" + "planum" = center of the plain) in the Po River Valley of the 400-mi. Po (Padus) River (longest river in Italy, with source on 12.6K-ft. Mount Viso in the Cottian Alps), which is as little as 1 ft. deep in some places - it's called the Po River because it's a po' excuse for a river?

In 222 B.C.E. the election of Roman consuls is moved to the Ides of March (Mar. 15).

In 221 B.C.E. Hasdrubal is assassinated, and the army chooses his 26-y.-o. lt. and brother-in-law Hannibal as CIC of the Carthaginian army, giving him the tools to implement his desire of revenge against the *!?!* Romans; first he has to finish subjugating Spain, which takes two years.

In 221 B.C.E. the Circus Flaminius is built for the plebeian games by popular leader Gaius Flaminius Nepos - catch Uncle Nasty's show?

In 220 B.C.E. Hannibal assisted by 40 elephants captures the city of Helmantica (modern-day Salamanca) (pop. 5K) in NW Spain on the Tormes River (120 mi. W of modern-day Madrid) from the Celtic tribe of the Vettones.

In 220 B.C.E. Spartan king Cleomenes III escapes, then tries to stir up a revolt in Alexandria.

In 220 B.C.E. Philip V of Macedonia wars against the Aetolian League (until -217).

In 220 B.C.E. Prusias I Chlorus of Bithynia wars against Byzantium, and defeats the Gauls.

In 220 B.C.E. Philip V of Macedonia assembles the Hellenic League in Corinth and declares the Social War (ends -217) against the Aetolians, Elis and Sparta, engineered by Aratus of Sicyon.

In 220 B.C.E. the Milvian Bridge in Rome is built.

About 220 B.C.E. the Flaminian Road (Way) (Via Flaminia) from Rome N to Rimini is built.

In 219 B.C.E. Hannibal subjugates all Spain between the Tagus and Ebro (Iberus) Rivers, except for the pesky walled Greek colony of Saguntum (Sagunto) in E Spain (18 mi. N of Valencia) S of the Ebro River in the middle of his holdings, which had a "friendship" with Rome and used it to play politics with other Spanish cities, causing him to siege it for 8 mo. before taking it, during which he is severely wounded; using this as an excuse, the Romans eagerly void their agreement with Carthage not to interfere with affairs S of the Ebro River and demand that Hannibal be handed over; when they refuse, the Second Punic War (ends -201) between Rome and Carthage begins; Hannibal recruits Celtic tribesmen from Lacobriga (modern-day Lagos) and other towns in Spain and the Algarve to fight the Romans.

In 218 B.C.E. Rome elects Publius Cornelius Scipio the Elder (Major) (-236 to -183) as consul to fight the Carthaginians; in the summer Hannibal leaves New Carthage, Spain with an army of 90K foot, 12K cavalry, 15K-20K horses, and a herd of elephants, crosses the Ebro River and the Pyrenees, builds rafts to cross the Rhone River, then crosses the Cottian Alps into Italy over Col de la Traversette SW of Turin in 15 days, fighting snowstorms, landlsides, and hostile mountain tribes, losing thousands of men (all but 26K?) and all but 37 of his elephants, saving his favorite 1-tusked elephant Surus ("the Syrian) (the Syrian), winning a battle against the Ligurians and recruiting new soldiers 'among the friendly Insubres in return for subjugating their enemies the Taurini (in modern-day Turin); he then forces all the Celtic (Cenomani et al.) and Ligurian tribes into his alliance on the Upper Po (Padus) River, reaching 80K foot and 10K cavalry; meanwhile the Boii revolt and siege Mutina (Modena), and all of Gallia Cisalpine turns against the Romans; Scipio the Elder attempts to intercept him, arriving by sea at Marseille three days late, and Hannibal defeats him in two engagements in Nov. at the Battle of the Ticinus River near its confluence with the Po River (near Ticinum AKA Pavia), becoming the first battle of the war on Italian soil and the first battle to employ legion-sized forces; in Dec. (winter solstice) the Battle of the Trebbia (Trebia) River near its confluence with the Po River is a V for Hannibal and his 20K infantry and 10K cavalry over 18K Roman infantry and 20K Italian allies incl. 4K cavalry under consul Tiberius Sempronius Longus (-260 to -210), who is walked into a trap and loses 26K-28K casualties; Scipio then makes the strategic decision to invade Spain and destroy Hannibal's supplies and reinforcements, leaving Hannibal "in the air", able to defeat any Roman army in Italy but unable to conduct sieges or shore up his conquests - like a pinball in a pinball machine?

In 218 B.C.E. Roman legions begin settling along the de-Celted lower Po River, founding the twin military outposts of Cremona and Placentia (modern-day Piacenza). 420 mi. SE of Milan near the confluence of the Po and Trebia Rivers on the Lombard plain.

On June 24, 217 B.C.E. after a forced march S through a swamp in Eturia (Tuscany), where he gets an infection that blinds his right eye, Hannibal passes through Fiesole in Tuscany and ambushes and completely destroys a Roman army under Roman consul Gaius Flaminius at the Battle of Lake Trasimenus (Trasimeno), then crosses the Apennines and invades the province of Picenum (on the E coast) (incl. Ancona and capital Asculum Picenum or Ascoli Piceno), followed by Apulia, then recrosses and ravages Campania on the shin, unsuccessfully attempting to seize the seaside resort city of Cumae W of Neapolis (Naples) (where Capuan gov. Virrius tells him the story of Daedalus and Icarus), and the double-walled Umbrian city of Todi in C Italy; the freaked Romans name Quintus Fabius Maximus Verrucosus (the Cunctator or Delayer) (-275 to -203) as the new dictator of Rome, and he decides to fight Hannibal by delaying tactics rather than a head-on fight against those heavy elephants and their big balls, er, soldiers, to give his troops time to recuperate; Hannibal outwits Cunctator on his way back to Apulia, whose pop. are unfriendly to the Romans, then winters at Gerontium; "Unus homo nobis cunctando restituit rem" (One man by delaying tactics restored our republic); meanwhile the Cuntator attacks Arpi (Argyrippa) (Argos Hippium) in Apulia, capturing it in -213; UFOs are sighted in Arpi in the form of parmas (small round metal shields) in the sky.

In 217 B.C.E. the first paid soldiers appear in Rome when troops are needed to be trained for invading Spain; the farmer-soldier begins to give way to the Roman legions? - the beginning of the end for the Celts, who don't keep up with the J uliuses and stay with amateur armies?

An all-new Law and Order on Roman TV? In 216 B.C.E. tired of Fabius' delaying tactics, the Senate replaces him, appointing former consul (-230) Marcus Junius Pera as Rome's last responsible dictator, ratified by the comitia curiata and serving 6 mo., with military jurisdiction limited to Italian territory; Quintus Fulvius Flaccus, having held the office of censor in -231 holds the public office of pontifex maximus this year, followed by praetor urbanus next year. In the spring Hannibal and his 50K-man army (incl. 10K cavalry) takes up a position at Cannae near the mouth of the Aufidus (Ofanto) River in SE Italy (Apulia), then on Aug. 2 nearly annihilates a vastly superior Roman force of 86K men (incl. 6.4K cavalry) under consuls Lucius Aemilius Paulus (d. -160) and Gaius Terentius Varro at the Battle of Cannae (Field of Blood), killing 53K-75K Roman soldiers and 2.7K cavalry and taking 10K POWs while losing only 5.7K of his own men (incl. 200 cavalry); too bad, refusal of his govt. to furnish reinforcements, and lack of siege equipment keeps him from trying to capture Rome itself, and he sieges Neapolis (Naples), but fails to take it, then winters in Capua after they open the gates to him.

In 216 B.C.E. Roman praetor Lucius Postumius Albinus leads two Roman legions against the Celtic Boii in the Po Valley.

In 215 B.C.E. while out fighting the Boii, Lucius Postumius Albinus is elected consul for a 3rd time, causing him to head back to Rome; too bad, he is ambushed by some Boii warriors in the Litana Silva Forest in Gallia Cisalpina, and his entire force wiped out, after which he is beheaded and his skull clad in gold and made into a cool sacrificial drinking cup - tell that to the boys in the Flying Fortresses?

In 215 B.C.E. after ravaging the Roman provinces of Campania and Apulia, a large part of S Italy comes under Hannibal's control, incl. Capua in SW Italy, Rome's #2 city, which becomes a big sore point with them; Crotona revolts from Rome and becomes Hannibal's winter HQ for 3 years; Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus the Younger (d. -212) is elected consul, and gathers a force of volunteer slaves to whom he promises freedom upon victory along with other recruits, and seizes the Campanian coastal city of Cumae, holding it against Hannibal's assault.

In 215 B.C.E. 30K Roman infantry and 2.8K cavalry under Scipio the Elder arrive in Spain and defeat 25K infantry, 4K cavalry, and 20 elephants under Hannibal's brother Hasdrubal Barca (-245 to -207) in the spring at the Battle of Dertosa (Ibera) on the S bank of the Ebro Riever conquering all of Spain and cutting off Hannibal's supply lines.

In 215 B.C.E. Hiero II (b. -308) dies after a quarter cent. of peace, and his 15-y.-o. grandson Hieronymus (Hieronymos) (-231 to -214) becomes the last king of Syracuse, getting caught up in the intrigue between Rome and Carthage, allying with what he thinks is the winning team, Carthage, which proves to be the wrong one - where's your nature valley?

In 215 B.C.E. after the big D at Cannae, the Lex Oppia is passed, restricting the amount of bling and expensive clothing a Roman woman can wear, a sign of the growing disparity of wealth caused by all the loot acquired from foreign conquests.

In 214 B.C.E. Hieronymus (b. -230), the last king of Syracuse is assassinated in Leontini, and Syracuse is sieged by the Romans under Marcus Claudius Marcellus (-268 to -208), but it holds out with the brilliant defensive inventions of Alexandrian Museum man and engineer's engineer Archimedes (-287 to -212), incl. giant ship-snatching levers, the catapult (600 ft. range, which can be varied as the ships close in), and a mirror device that sets Roman ships ablaze (Greek Fire), all of which make the Romans think of him as a sorcerer.

In 214 B.C.E. Gracchus the Younger's imperium (consular power) is extended so that he can spend the year in Apulia, with HQ at Beneventum, from which Carthaginian Gen. Hanno unsuccessfully tries to dislodge him.

In 214 B.C.E. Hannibal's successes against Rome cause Philip V of Macedonia to form an alliance with Carthage, starting the First Macedonian War with Rome (ends -205), with Rome allying with Attalus I of Pergamon; too bad, the Roman fleet in the Adriatic blocks the Macedonians from crossing to Italy to help Hannibal.

In 213 B.C.E. Roman Gen. Marcus Claudius Marcellus sieges Syracuse.

In 212 B.C.E. Publius Licinius Crassus Dives (d. -183) (direct patrilenear ancestor of Marcus Licinius Crassus), a handsome amiable man of distinguished plebeian family and great wealth is surprisingly elected Roman pontifex maximus, serving for life.

In 212 B.C.E. Syracuse is finally captured and sacked by the Romans under Gen. Marcus Claudius Marcellus, and turned into their govt. seat in Sicily; Archimdedes (b. -287) is killed in Syracuse by a Roman soldier as he is drawing circles in the sand at the beach and telling him "Don't disturb my circles" (Noli tangere circulos meos).

In 212 B.C.E. Roman consul Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus the Younger is slain by Hannibal's younger brother Mago, and accorded a public funeral by Hannibal.

In 212 B.C.E. Roman proconsul Quintus Fulvius Flaccus defeats Carthaginian Gen. Hanno, then blockades and sieges Capua in SW Italy, capturing it next year and executing the senior men and selling the rest of the pop. into slavery; after they complain to the Senate, Flaccus' authority is upheld - it was the perfect balance of great taste and weight loss?

In 212 B.C.E. Hannibal uses inside help to capture Tarentum through a ruse.

In 212 B.C.E. Scipio the Elder captures Saguntum. Rome secures the support of the Aetolian League and Pergamum in its war against Carthage.

In 211 B.C.E. Rome allies with the Aetolian League against Philip V of Macedon.

In 211 B.C.E. the Carthaginians knock on the doors of Rome ("Hannibal ante portas"), but give up after they fail to take the fortified Roman positions; meanwhile Capua is recaptured by the Romans despite Hannibal's efforts to save it, costing the allegiance of many of his Italian allies. Rome allies with the Aetolian League against Philip V of Macedon.

In 211 B.C.E. the Roman silver denarius begins to be minted, becoming the standard silver coin; one side always has an emperor, the other side a god.

In 210 B.C.E. Publius Cornelius Scipio the Elder is made Roman cmdr. (gen. extraordinary) of Spain.

About 210 B.C.E. the Temple of Cybele is built on the Palatine Hill; Vatican City is later built over it - catch the hot chicks behaving badly show?

In 209 B.C.E. Antiochus III the Great defeats Arsaces II at the Battle of Mount Labus (Lamavu), compels him to pay tribute, and continues his victory tour to parts east.

In 209 B.C.E. a Roman army led by Roman "novus homo" statesman-historian (redhead) (grey eyes) Marcus Porcius Cato (Lat. "All-Knowing") Priscus (Lat. "the Ancient") Censorius (Lat. "the Censor") Major (Lat. "the Elder") (-234 to -149) (first Roman to write a history in Latin), known for giving several speech ending with the phrase "Delenda est Carthago" ("Carthago delenda est") (Carthage must be destroyed) recaptures Tarentum, again with inside help; it is stripped of its liberty and art treasures, incl. 1.5 tons of gold and the statue of Victory (Nike); 30K Tarantines are sold into slavery.

In 209 B.C.E. Scipio the Elder suddenly invades and captures New Carthage (Carthago Nova), the Carthaginian capital of Spain.

In 209 B.C.E. the former Greek town of Genua (Genoa), Italy is destroyed by the Carthaginians, then rebuilt by the Romans for use in their wars against the Ligurians.

In 209 B.C.E. the Celts are kicked out of Thrace after 70 years (-279) - without a thrace?

In 208 B.C.E. Scipio the Elder defeats Hannibal's brother Hasdrubal Barca (-245 to -207) at the Battle of Baecula in Spain, but fails to stop him from crossing the Pyrenees.

In 207 B.C.E. after he crosses the Alps to help his brother Hannibal, Hasdrubal is surprised, defeated, and slain by the Romans under consul Gaius (Caius) Claudius Nero in the Battle of the Metaurus (Metauro) River on the NE coast of Italy; Hannibal's reinforcements now kaput, he decides to retire to S Italy after learning of the disaster when the severed head of his brother is thrown into his camp - the Roman victory dance?

In 207 B.C.E. a guild of poets and actors (incl. Livius Andronicus) is formed to make votive offerings at the Temple of Minerva Medica (Roman vers. of Athena Medicus, based on the Etruscan word Menvra and easily confused with the word "mens" meaning mind, but really first worshiped by the Gauls) on the Aventine Hill in Rome, where they hold a big festival on the Ides of June (June 13), later taking over Mars' festival of the Quinquatrus on Mar. 19-23.

In 206 B.C.E. Hannibal is bottled by the Romans into Calabria in Italy's heel; meanwhile Roman gen. Scipio the Elder wrests Spain from Hamilcar Barca of Carthage at the Battle of Ilipa (Silpia) 10 mi N of modern-day Seville in S Spain, using the new Reverse Cannae formation to outwit them, and conquers Cordoba (Kart-Juba = "city of Juba") (modern-day pop. 326K); Spain now becomes a cash and slave cow for the Barca family of Rome; Scipio founds the city of Italica (5 mi. N of modern-day Seville) nearby for his wounded Roman soldiers, later becoming the birthplace of Roman emperors Trajan and Hadrian; the 8th cent. B.C.E. city Seville on the Guadalquivir River (modern-day pop. 703K/1.5M) is conquered and renamed Hispalis, becoming a market-industrial city, while Italica goes residential; the ancient city of Granada in Bastetania (modern-day pop. 237K) is conquered and renamed Municipium Florentinum Libertanum.

In 206 B.C.E. E Numidian (Massylian) king Masinissa (-238 to -149) allies with Rome, and breaks with Hasdrubal, who allies with W Numidian (Masaesyli) king Syphax, who breaks with Rome.

In 205 B.C.E. Philip V of Macedonia signs the Treaty of Phoenice with the Romans, ending the First Macedonian War (begun -215).

In 205 B.C.E. Scipio the Elder returns to Rome and is elected consul.

In 205 B.C.E. Antiochus III ends his victory tour (begun -212) by forming an alliance with Euthydemus of Bactria and making a treaty with Indian ruler Sophagaesenus.

In 205 B.C.E. Lisbon (Olissipo) comes under Roman rule; it is allegedly already 1K-y.-o.; the Celtic Bracarenses tribe controls the area around Braga, Portugal.

In 205 B.C.E. Roman playwright Titus Maccius (Lat. "clown") Plautus (Lat. "splay-foot") (-254 to -184) writes the comedy Miles Gloriosus (The Vainglorious Soldier).

In 204 B.C.E. Roman gen. Publius Cornelius Scipio the Elder (-236 to -183) invades Africa with an army of 30K men, landing on the coast near Utica; Fabius tries to backstab him in order to cover his own incompetence, and succeeds in restricting him to only the legions that are in Sicily, with 300 of his Spanish army.

In 203 B.C.E. the Romans under Scipio the Elder invade Numidia, the back door of Carthage, with the help of E Numidian ally Masinissa, defeating a combined Carthaginian-Numidian army in the Battle of Bagrades (Camp Magni) (Great Plains), burning two Numidian camps full of men, armor, and horses, causing the Carthaginians to send urgent orders to Hannibal to quit Italy and race back by sea to defend them; the Romans sweep down on the 30K-man army (built on a core of 4K Celtiberians) of Carthaginian gen. Hasdrubal Gisco (d. -202) allied with W Numidian Berber king Syphax in the Battle of Utica near modern-day Suq al-Khamis on the Medjerda River in Tunisia; Hasdrubal and Syphax escape; Masinissa falls in love with Syphax's wife (Hasdrubal's daughter) Sophonisba (Sophoniba) (Saphan Baal) and marries her, but Scipio refuses to acknowledge it, insisting that she be surrendered to be used in a triumph in Rome, causing Masinissa to talk her into drinking poison to save herself from the humiliaton; the alliance with Masinissa gives the Romans their first superiority in cavalry over the Carthaginians, which proves a big surprise later.

On Oct. 19, 202 B.C.E. after an abortive attempt at negotiations by the Romans, Scipio the Elder decisively defeats Carthage and Numidia under Hannibal Barca (-247 to -182) during an eclipse at the Battle of Zama on the Plains of Zama SW of Carthage; Hannibal, having to rely on raw troops, many of whom desert to the Romans, leaving his veterans to be slaughtered, experiences his first defeat, sending word to Carthage:

In 201 B.C.E. the Second Punic War (begun -219) ends with a total Roman V; Carthage agrees to allow Rome to annex Spain, to give up all of its naval fleet except 10 vessels, to pay 10K talents, and to agree not to wage war without Rome's permission; never-say-die Hannibal then immediately begins preparing to renew the struggle, amending the constitution, reducing govt. corruption, and fixing city finances; Salamanca becomes a Roman military station on the road from Augusta Emerita (Merida) to Asturica Augusta (Astorga).

In 200 B.C.E. the Second Macedonian War begins (ends -196) when Philip V refuses a Roman ultimatum to stop attacking Rhodes and Pergamon in Asia Minor, and many Greek states join Rome against him; Attica is ravaged.

About 200 B.C.E. Roman senator-historian ("the Founder of Historiography") Quintus Fabius Pictor, who fought the Gauls in -225 and also fought in the Second Punic War (-218 to -201), and visited the oracle in Delphi for advice after the defeat at the Battle of Cannae in -216 flourishes, writing a history of the Second Punic War in Greek using Olympiad dating and a Hellenistic style, becoming the first Roman annalist, starting the "ab urbe condita" (from the founding of the city) tradition, making use of the work of Greek historian Diocles of Peparethus, and used as a source by Polybius, Plutarch, Livy, and Dionysius of Halicarnassus; too bad, he is heavily biased on the Roman side, churning out propaganda, as mentioned by Polybius; he dates the founding of Rome as "the first year of the 8th Olympiad", i.e., 747 B.C.E.

About 200 B.C.E. the Roman Galley is invented, a long narrow wooden ship powered by oars, with a square sail, and a sharp bow to ram into other ships; sitting in the pukehole in rows doing the rowing is no fun for chained slaves.

About 200 B.C.E. lead pipe suddenly begins replacing stone and wood aqueducts in Rome.

In the 2nd cent. the Etrurian city of Fescennia (Fescennium) N of modern-day Corchiano in C Italy becomes known for vulgar, obscene, and scurrilous verse, causing the term "Fescennine" to be coined - wouldn't you be if you had all them Romans on your butt all the time?

In the 2nd cent. B.C.E. the Celtic Helvetii inhabit the W part of Switzerland from the Rhone to the Rhine Rivers, E of the Jura Mts., with capital at Aventicum (modern-day Avenches); Caesar calls them the bravest of the Gallic peoples.

The 2nd cent. B.C.E. is the Golden Age of Roman Drama; too bad, the only plays to survive are 20 by Plautus and six by Terence, all of them fabulae palliatae, comedies based on Greek originals.

In 199 B.C.E. the Leges Porciae (Porcian Laws), a series of laws granting Roman citizens rights to appeal in capital cases, plus other protections begin to be passed (ends -184).

In 198 B.C.E. 30-y.-o. Roman gen. Titus Quinctius Flamininus (-228 to -174) is elected consul despite being younger than the constitutional min., and is chosen to replace Publius Sulpicius Galba as CIC of Roman forces for the Second Macedonian War, and he goes on to chase Philip V of Macedon out of most of Greece, then defeat him on June 24 at the Battle of the Aous near modern-day Tepelene, Albania; to keep him from making a quick peace because his consulship is ending, Flamininus is made proconsul to finish the war.

In 197 B.C.E. the Romans under proconsul Titus Quinctius Flamininus in alliance with the Aetolian League defeat Philip V of Macedonia at the Battle of Cynoscephalae (Dog's Head) in Thessaly between Thermopylae and Pydna, utterly defeating the once-proud Macedonian army and ending its threat in Asia Minor; the Macedonian phalanx holds the Roman legions back until 20 maniples fall upon their rear after the Roman elephants rout the left flank; Flamininus goes on to direct the political affairs of the Greek states from Elateia until -194.

In 197 B.C.E. the Romans put down a revolt of the Celtic Turdetani tribe in the Baetis (modern-day Guadalquivir) River Valley in S Farther Spain (Hispania Ulterior), along with other rebel tribes in Nearer Spain (Hispania Citerior), giving them control of a band along the S and E coasts.

In 197 B.C.E. the seaport of Salernum (modern-day Salerno) on the Gulf of Salerno (29 mi. ESE of Naples) is founded by the Romans.

Okay, bend over and close your eyes? In July 196 B.C.E. Greek-speaking Roman gen. Titus Quinctius Flamininus, the man who kicked Philip V's Macedonian butt gives a memorable Speech at the Isthmian Games in Corinth, proclaiming the "freedom of the Greeks", which causes him to become a great hero to the dumb blondes, and gets his mug engraved on coins, plus deification in some Greek cities; in reality Rome is assuming the protectorate of the Greek states, and is mainly backing the liberty of the aristocrats; the Second Macedonian War (begun -200) ends with Philip V forced to relinquish his conquered Greek cities, surrender his fleet, and pay a 1K-talent indemnity, but his kingdom is left intact as a buffer state between Greece and Illyria, pissing off the Achaean League; Macedonia becomes a Roman ally subject to Roman control of foreign affairs; on the way back to Rome Flamin' Flamininus plunders Sparta and returns with 1.2K freed slaves who had been taken captive in the Second Punic War.

In 196 B.C.E. Roman praetor Marcus Acilius Glabrio suppresses a slave revolt in Etruria.

In 196 B.C.E. the Etruscan city of Felsima (modern-day Bologna) is conquered by the Gallic Boii, who rename it Bononia.

In 195 B.C.E. Marcus Porcius Cato the Elder (-234 to -149) becomes Roman consul, and is given command of the whole pesky Spanish peninsula, putting down a rebellion in the NW and lower Ebro River Valley before taking on the Turdetani and Celtiberian tribes in the S.

In 194 B.C.E. all Roman forces leave Greece.

In 194 B.C.E. Marcus Porcius Cato returns to Rome, leaving two praetors in charge of Farther and Nearer Spain; too bad, the pesky native tribes keep rebelling for the next 175 years; meanwhile an incursion of Lusitanians (Lusitani) on the Betis Valley is checked by the troops of Scipio Nasica - guys that sweat a lot need a backup plan?

In 194 B.C.E. after Eumenes II appeals to Rome for help against Seleucid king Antiochus III, Rome agrees to resolve Pergamon's dispute with Syria.

In 194 B.C.E. Pozzuoli (on the Bay of Naples) becomes a Roman colony.

In 194 B.C.E. the best places in Roman theaters are given to the senators.

In 193 B.C.E. the Celtic Boii of the Po Valley are defeated by the Romans under consul Lucius Cornelius Merula in the Battle of Mutina (near modern-day Modena) in N Italy, losing their capital of Bononia (Bologna), after which a large portion of them leave Italy and head back to Bohemia; too bad, since the V cost the Romans too much, the Senate refuses Merula a triumph; Bononia is later resettled by 3K families led by consuls Lucius Valerius Flaccus, Marcus Atilius Seranus, and Lucius Valerius Tappo, becoming one of the leading Roman cities.

In 193 B.C.E. the Celtic (Cimbri?) Lusitani (Lusitanians) (Belitanians) tribal confederation in W coastal Spain between the Douro and Tagus Rivers (known for their women warriors) begin resisting the Romans.

In 193 B.C.E. the Porticus Aemilia, a warehouse in Rome's new dockyards is built S of the Aventine Hill by Marcus Aemilius Lepidus and Lucius Aemilius Paulus, becoming the first use of Concrete, based on pozzolana, volcanic stone mortar from the new Roman colony of Pozzuoli in the Bay of Naples (two parts pozzolana to one part lime); the addition of seawater makes it stronger over time?

In 192 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Lucius Quinctius Flaminius (d. -170) and Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus.

In 192 B.C.E. after gen. Titus Quinctius Flamininus goes to Syria to negotiate with Antiochus III, telling him not to interfere with the Greek states, and is told to fork off (Antiochus will leave Greece alone only if Roman does ditto), Antiochus III (aided by Hannibal) crosses over to Greece to aid the Aetolians, causing Rome to declare war (ends -189).

In 192 B.C.E. King Nabis is assassinated, and Laconicus becomes the last (Eurypontid) king of Sparta; the Spartans are forced into the Achaean League by Rome, and begin to vanish from history, but first they must fight another war with Rome?; Messene and Elis join the Achaean League, giving it control of the entire Peloponnesus.

In 192 B.C.E. the Aetolians declare war on Rome, and Antiochus III sends a small force to aid them, while the Achaeans and Macedonia support Rome.

In 191 B.C.E. the Romans under gens. Manius Acilius Glabrio and Flamininus defeat Antiochus III at the Battle of Thermopylae on the border between Thessaly and Boeotia, and send him back to Asia; Glabrio begins operations against the Assholians, er, Aetolians. Rome conquers Cisalpine Gaul, leaving the Celts with Transalpine Gaul - they fought for their free-ee-dom? The Roman calendar, which is 4 mo. ahead of the seasons is adjusted.

In 191 B.C.E. Roman playwright Plautus debuts his comedy Pseudolus at the Megalesian Festival.

In 190 B.C.E. a Seleucid fleet led by Hannibal is defeated by a Rhodian fleet (allied with the Romans) at the Battle of the Eurymedon River. Antiochus III's Syrian fleet is defeated at the naval Battle of Myonnesus, after which in Dec. the Romans under Lucius Cornelius Scipio Asiaticus, brother of Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus (who serves as his legate) become the first Roman army to invade Asia Minor, defeating the great composite army led personally by Antiochus III at the Battle of Magnesia (between Pergamon and Ephesus in W Lydia), which bankrupts and crushes Syria; the Aetolian League's power vanishes because it had allied with him; Lucius Cornelius Scipio is awarded the surname Asiaticus; after being captured by pirates in -192, Antiochus III of Syria releases Lucius Cornelius Scipio, youngest son of Scipio Africanus Major without ransom before the Battle of Magnesia, causing him trouble with the Senate in -188.

In 190 B.C.E. Glabro celebrates his triumph against the Macedonians, then runs for censor but withdraws after accusations of embezzlement.

In 189 B.C.E. Roman consul (praetor in -193)Marcus Fulvius Nobilior breaks the power of the Aetolian League and makes the Aetolians into subject allies of Rome, celebrating a magnificent triumph; poet Ennius accompanies him, writing a play about the capture of Ambracia, pissing-off Cato the Censor, who accuses him of compromising the dignity of a Roman gen.; Nobilior goes on to become a fan of Greek art and culture, introducing many masterpieces into Rome incl. The Muses by Zeuxis of Ambracia.

In 188 B.C.E. the jealous Roman Senate, egged on by Marcus Porcius Cato the Censor eggs on two tribunes to prosecute Lucius Cornelius Scipio Asiaticus of misappropriating moneys from Antiochus, and his bro' Scipio Africanus the Elder defends him by tearing up his ledgers and flinging them in the senators' faces, reminding them that his bro' had paid 200K sesterces into the treasury, and crying that they were trying to frame him; nevertheless they go on and prosecute and condemn him, confiscate his property, and try to throw him in prison, which Africanus answers by rescuing him by force.

In 187 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Marcus Aemilius Lepidus and Gaius Flaminius; Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus III (Major) (-210 to -151), who served on Scipio Africanus' staff in Greece in -190 becomes tribunus plebis (tribune of the people).

In 187 B.C.E. the Aemilian Road (Way) (Via Aemilia) in NC Italy is built by consul Marcus Aemilius Lepidus, running from Ariminum (Rimini) NW to Placentia (Piacenzia), and later extended across the Po River to Mediolanus (Milan), also to Augusta Praetoria, Segusio, and Aquileia; the Via Flaminia from Rome connects with it at Ariminum.

In 186 B.C.E. the Roman Senate investigates and outlaws the cult of Bacchus and the festival of Bacchanalia, associated with those wild tattooed warlike Thracians with dyed hair.

In 185 B.C.E. Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus the Elder is accused of a slew of charges by tribune Marcus Naevius, but on Oct. 18 launches into a eulogy of his achievements on the first day of his trial, then on the 2nd day reminds the good citizens that it is the anniv. of the Battle of Zama, and summons them to follow him to the Capitol to give thanks to the gods and pray that Rome might never lack citizens like himself, which kills the trial; he then passes up the chance to become the first Caesar (dictator for life perhaps?), and beats a strategic retreat into voluntary exile to his country seat at Liternum in Campania.

In 184 B.C.E. Philip V of Macedonia, after reorganizing his finances, opening mines, and defending his N frontiers gets tired of Roman interference based on phony complaints by neighboring states, causing him to go paranoid and begin a campaign to extend his power in the Balkans (until -183).

In 184 B.C.E. Basilica Porcia (burns down in -52), the first basilica and courthouse in the Roman Forum is built by Marcus Porcius Cato the Elder, beginning the "colonnaded" look, with the Basilica Aemilia (built in -179), Basilica Sempronia (built in -169), and Basilica Opimia (built in -121) (near the Temple of Concord) soon following.

In 183 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Marcus Claudius Marcellus and Quintus Fabius Labeo; Lucius Julius Caesar is elected praetor, and assigned the province of Cisalpine Gaul, with the task of preventing the Transalpine Gauls from building on the site of the seaport of Aquileia, (later Algar) at the head of the Adriatic Sea (25 mi. NW of Trieste), where in -181 a Roman colony is founded as a strongly fortified outpost against the Illyrians, becoming the "second Rome", a center of trade between N and S Europe, with its pop. reaching 500K by the 1st cent. C.E.; too bad, Attila the Hun wastes it in 452 C.E., causing its survivors to hightail it to the lagoons and found Venice, and it ends up with a pop. of only 3K by the late 20th cent.

In 183 B.C.E. Pisa and Parma become Roman colonies.

In 183 B.C.E. Pergamon wins its war with Bithynia (begun -187), then begins a war with Pharnaces I of Pontus (d. -169), son of Mithridates III (ends -179), allying with Ariarathes IV of Cappadocia; the Romans send Titus Quinctius Flamininus to demand that officially neutral Prusias I of Bithynia capture Hannibal in order to send him to Rome, causing him to commit suicide next year to avoid being taken POW.

In 183 B.C.E. Mutina (modern-day Modena) in the Po Valley of Italy a few mi. N of the start of the Apennines (orginally founded by the Etruscans) is refounded as a Roman colony and military base by Marcus Aemilius Lepidus.

In 183 B.C.E. the New Clodian Road (Via Clodia Nova) between Lucca and Florence is built by consul Marcus Claudius Marcellus.

In 182 B.C.E. Carthaginian gen. Hannibal (b. -247) poisons himself in the Bithynian village of Libyssa (modern-day Gebze) in NW ASia Minor with poison in a ring that he carried.

In 181 B.C.E. Gracchus III becomes Roman praetor in Spain, going on to bring the wild Celtiberian tribes in C Spain under Roman control.

In 181 B..C.E. another "sumptuary law" is passed by the Roman censors to reprimand the obscene consumption of the wealthy.

In 180 B.C.E. the Lex Villia Annalis sets min. ages for Roman magistracies.

In 180 B.C.E. the Etruscan town of Lucca on the Serchio River near the W coast becomes a Roman colony.

In 179 B.C.E. the Pons Aemilius, the first stone bridge in Rome is begun (finished in -142), later becoming the Ponte Rotto, the oldest Roman stone bridge in Rome.

In 177 B.C.E. Gracchus III becomes plebeian consul, and crushes a revolt in Sardinia, returning to Rome to celebrate a triumph with a large number of captive (canned?) sardines.

In 177 B.C.E. Mutina is sacked by the Ligurians, and the Romans go on to rebuild it and turn it into a key center of Cisalpine Gaul on the crossroads between the Via Aemilia and the Via Verona.

In 173 B.C.E. after Cato the Elder criticizes them, Greek Epicurean philosophers Alcaeus and Philiscus are banished from Rome.

In 173 B.C.E. UFOs in the form of a "great fleet in the sky" are observed in Lanuvium 20 mi. SE of Rome.

In 172 B.C.E. the Third Macedonian War begins (ends -167) when Perseus of Macedonia declares war on Rome and defeats a Roman army.

About 170 B.C.E. Rome begins paving its streets and founding public bakeries; meanwhile the wealthy begin to hide their obscene luxury in suburban villas in Greek Campania.

In 170 B.C.E. the Hellenistic city of Antiochia ad Cragum (Antiochia Parva) (Antiochetta) in S Asia Minor on Mt. Cragus (Cragos) on the Mediterranean coast near modern-day Guney, Turkey is founded by Antiochus IV Epiphanes, becoming home to the largest Roman mosaic found in Turkey in modern times.

About 170 B.C.E. Roman poet ("Father of Roman Poetry") Quintus Ennius (b. -239) dies, leaving The Epicharmus, The Euhemerus, The Hedyphagetica, The Saturae, and The Annales, an 18-vol. nat. epic written in Greek dactylic hexameter (of which only 600 lines survive), starting a trend for Roman writers, who give up the lamer native Saturnian meter: "The idle mind knows not what it wants."

In 169 B.C.E. the Lex Voconia, introduced by Quintus Voconius Saxa and supported by Cato the Elder is passed, limiting the amount a Roman woman can inherit in a will; by the end of the cent. propertied women get around the law by selecting a "guardian" as their puppet.

In 169 B.C.E. Gracchus III becomes Roman censor, and builds the Basilica Sempronia near the Roman Forum on land once owned by Scipio Africanus, becoming the 3rd of four basilicas there incl. Basilica Portia, Basilica Aemilia, and Basilica Opimia; in -54 Julius Caesar demolishes it to build his Basilica Julia.

On June 22, 168 B.C.E. King Perseus of Macedonia is defeated by the Romans under consul Lucius Aemilius Paulus Macedonicus (-229 to -160) at the Battle of Pydna on the W side of the Gulf of Thessaloniki, and the city of Thessalonica on the E side surrenders; the battle that proves that the Roman legion is superior to the Macedonian phalanx?; Macedonia falls into Roman hands; the Molossian city of Epirus is sacked; the bronze Molossian Guard Dog Statue is brought to Rome, and praised by Pliny until it is lost in 69 C.E., but a 2nd cent. C.E. stone copy survives, becoming known as the Jennings (Duncombe) (Alcibiades) Dog after it is discovered by Henry Constantine Jennings (1731-1819) in the workshop of Italian sculptor Bartolomeo Cavaceppi (1716-99) in 1753; the Roman Senate's settlement incl. dividing the kingdom into four republics that are heavily restricted from trade or intercourse with each other and with Greece, the deportation of all royal officials, and permanent house arrest of Perseus, breaking the back of the Macedonian Antigonid Dynasty and giving Rome permanent ascendancy in the Hellenic world; Paulus is awarded the title Macedonicus; Paulus' son Scipio the Younger fights by his side at Pydna; a purge of allegedly anti-Roman citizens causes 300K to be deported.

In 167 B.C.E. the Third Macedonian War (begun -172) ends with Alexander the Great rolling over in his tomb; the Macedonian (Antigonid) kingdom ends, and Macedonia becomes four autonomous districts, each with its own capital city (Amphipolis, Thessalonica, Pella, Pelagonia), paying a moderate yearly tribute; Perseus and his two sons are hauled into Rome as trophies; Roman world domination begins; Macedonians are sold as slaves in Rome, bringing $50-$75 for a male "Alexander" and up to $1K for a female "Olympias".

Here they come to save the day? In 167 B.C.E. Antiochus IV Epiphanes with the help of his Jewish elites despoils the Jewish Temple and its treasury, sets up a military garrison (the Akra) near the temple, abolishes the observance of traditional Jewish law, decrees that Greek altars be set up in Jewish towns, and establishes a new order of worship called the Cult of the Lord of Heaven, which sacrifies a pig to Zeus on the altar of the Jewish Temple and corrupts the youth with naked uncircumcized gymnastics; just when things look darkest, a hero arose to help them fight for their free-ee-ee-dom to use the good ole Jewish izmel on their boys' dongs, a Jewish Cohen (priest) of Modein (Modiin) (18 mi. NW of Jerusalem), of the macabre line of Hasmon named Mattathias (Mattathiah) Maccabeus (ben Johanan) (the Hasmonean) (d. -165) and his five sons (eldest to youngest) Johanan Maccabeus, Simon Maccabeus (d. -134), Judas Maccabeus (the Hammer) (d. -160), Eleazar Maccabeus (d. -162), and Jonathan Maccabeus (Apphus, Dissembler, or Diplomat) (d. -143), collectively known as the Maccabees (Aramaic "maqqaba" = hammer) (AKA Hasmoneans) balk at Syrian syncretism, kill a Hellenistic Jew who is about to sacrifice to an idol in Mattathias' place, and flee to the mountains, beginning a guerrilla war for the liberation of Judea from the Seleucids and the restoration of the true inch-shorter-and-proud-of-it Jewish religion (ends -163); Judas Maccabeus is designated by his dying father as the leader of the guerrilla forces; the Oniad priest Jason seeks asylum in the Jewish community at Sparta following his failed coup; the Maccabees send ambassadors to Rome seeking an alliance against the Syrians, relying on their contacts with Roman Jews.

In 167 B.C.E. the Romans kill 500 rebels in Aetolia, and deport 1K hostages from the Achaean League to Italy, incl. Greek historian Polybius (-203 to -118).

In 167 B.C.E. the Romans make the Greek sacred island of Delos in the Cyclades (birthplace of Artemis and Apollo, where no human is allowed to be born or die) a free port, weakening Rhodes.

In 166 B.C.E. Terence debuts his play Andria at the Ludi Megalenses in Rome; in 1476 it is performed in Florence, Italy, becoming the first of his plays to be performed in post-antiquity.

In 165 B.C.E. the Maccabees (Hasmoneans) under Jewish gen. Judas (Judah) Maccabeus defeat four larger Syrian armies in a row with only a few thousand followers, and in Dec. recapture Jerusalem from the Syrians, remove the "horrible abomination" (a dangly uncircumcized statue of Zeus), purify the Temple with a red heifer, and on Dec. 25 rededicate it to Big J (Jehovah) with festivities lasting eight days, giving birth to the 8-day Jewish holiday of Hannukah (Hanukkah) (Chanukah) (John 10:22) (AKA Festival of Lights) after they could only find one cruse of pure olive oil to bless for the ritual, but Big J gives them a miracle and it burns for eight days; the Maccabees rule Palestine until -37.

In 165 B.C.E. the debut of Terence's play Hecyra (The Mother-in-Law) is cancelled after a rumor that it features boxers and a tightrope walker; in -160 it is finally performed after an attempt to stage it is interrupted by gladiator fans.

In 164 B.C.E. Gracchus III is sent as a special Roman envoy to Asia Minor, where he establishes friendly relations with a number of native rulers.

In 163 B.C.E. tThe Roman Senate restores Ptolemy VI and gives the W province of Cyrenaica (Cyrene and Cyprus, the latter known for its licentious worship of Aphrodite) to Ptolemy VII, splitting Egyptian rule; Ptolemy VII only secures Cyrene.

In 163 B.C.E. Gracchus III returns to Rome and marries Scipio Africanus' daughter Cornelia, going on to have 12 children, all of whom die at an early age, except his superstar sons the "Gracchi", plus a daughter.

In 161 B.C.E. Greek philosophers are banished from Rome again (first time -173).

In 160 B.C.E. Cato the Elder writes De Agri Cultura (Agricultura), becoming the oldest surviving Latin lit. encyclopedia.

In 158 B.C.E. after Ariarathes V of Cappadocia refuses to obey the Romans and marry his sister, Demetrius I Soter invades and kicks his butt, causing him to flee to Rome, and puts his man Orophernes Nicephorus on the Cappadocian throne; the Romans then intervene and restore Ariarathes V as joint-ruler, but Orophernes is soon expelled.

In 155 B.C.E. Greek philosophers Diogenes the Stoic (-230 to -150), his student Carneades the Academic (Skeptic) (-213 to -129), and Critolaus the Peripatetic of Phaselis (-200 to -118) come to Rome as envoys from Athens, becoming popular esp. with the youth, raising doubts about the certainty of justice, pissing-off Cato the Elder, who persuades the Roman Senate to ban all Greek philosophers with the soundbyte that if they get infected with Greek lit. they will lose their empire - should have said Jewish lit.?

In 154 B.C.E. the pop. of Massilia (Marseille) appeal to their Roman allies for help against the pesky Oxybii and Decietes (Deciates), who together are known as the Salluvi (Salyes); they are defeated by Roman gen. Quintus Opimius.

In 154 B.C.E. the Valerian Road (Via Valeria) across the Appenines to Aternum is begun by Roman censor Marcus Valerius Messalla.

On Jan. 1, 153 B.C.E. (new start of the year) Roman consuls begin to assume power.

In 151 B.C.E. the Achaean hostages are returned.

In 151 B.C.E. Scipio the Younger goes to Spain as military tribune under consul Lucius Licinius Lucullus.

In 150 B.C.E. the Romans under praetor Servius Galba defeat the Lusitanians in W Spain after springing a clever trap, killing 9K and capturing 20K POWs, who are sold as slaves in Gaul.

About 150 B.C.E. the Celtic Gaelic-speaking Gaels (Milesians) AKA Sons of Mil begin fleeing Roman incursions in N Spain and S Gaul and settling in Ireland, landing at the mouth of the Boyne River in E Ireland and Kerry in S Ireland, the first group settling in N Leinster and setting up the Kingship of Tara, the latter group settling in Cashel ("stone ringfort") in modern-day County Tipperary.

About 150 B.C.E. the Gaels begin subjugating the Belgae and Laighins, finally taking over the midlands in 516 C.E.

About 150 B.C.E. a movement to define a distinct Roman culture in opposition to Hellenism begins, while Roman wealth is busy attracting Greek artists.

About 150 B.C.E. the Hasmoneans begin to restore autonomy to Judea, but the Jews begin to split nto various sects, incl. the Pharisees (Heb. "divide, separate, set apart") (who accept the written and oral law and advocate democratization of religious practices), the Sadducees (Heb. "tsadduqi" = "right just", after Zadok, first high piest of ancient Israel, Ezek. 40:46) (who reject the oral law and represent the ruling hierarchy, becoming obsessed with separating themselves from whited, er, defilement), and the monk-like ascetic Gnostic Essenes (known for wearing white garments and serving as healers); the Dead Sea Scrolls are begun by clean-freak (daily ablution) Essene monks (Sadducee winer-diners?) in Qumran W of the Dead Sea; "Those Pharisees would purify the Sun itself."

In 149 B.C.E. after learning of a plot to murder him, Nicomedes II Epiphanes (d. -127), supported by Attalus II of Pergamum revolts against his father Prusias II and executes him, and becomes king #6 of Bithynia (until -127), going on to become a steady ally of Rome, even against Pergamum.

In 149 B.C.E. the Third Punic War (ends -146) begins after the vicious Roman senators become jealous of the fact that Carthage has regained some kind of prosperty and trade, and encourage Numidia to encroach upon their territory until they are forced to fight, then, declaring that they have broken the treaty, pounce; first Rome demands hostages, the surrender of arms, and then the abandonment of Carthage, telling them to move to a spot at least 10 mi. from the sea (to kill their sea trade); Carthage resists, and Rome attacks, but narrowly avoids disaster as the Carthaginians, seeing the end is near, fight back in a grimly determined manner.

In 149 B.C.E. Andriscus (Andriskos) (d. -148) ("Pseudo-Philip") ("False Philip"), a fuller from Adramyttium in Aeolis, W Anatolia who claims to be the son of Perseus of Macedon leads the Fourth Macedonian War against Rome (ends -148); after failing to find a following in Macedonia, he asks for help from Demetrius Soter of Syria, who hands him over the Romans, but he escapes and reappears in Macedonia with an army of Thracians and defeats praetor Publius Juventius, assuming the title of king Philip VI of Macedonia (until -148), becmoing the last king of Macedon. In 148 B.C.E. after conquering Thessaly and allying with Carthage, Macedonian pretender Andriscus is defeated 2x by the Romans under praetor gen. Quintus Caecilius Metellus (-210 to -115), causing him to flee to Thrace, whose prince gives him up to the Romans, ending the Fourth Macedonian War (begun -149); Macedonia is made a Roman province, and Metellus is given the agnomen Macedonicus.

In 148 B.C.E. after conquering Thessaly and allying wit Carthage, Adriscus is defeated by the Romans under Quintus Caecilius Metellus, causing him to flee to Thrace, whose prince gives him up to the Romans, ending the Fourth Macedonian War (begun -149).

In 148 B.C.E. another year of failure for the Romans in Carthage causes extreme panic in Rome.

In 148 B.C.E. the Via Postumia (Postumian Road) in N Italy is begun, running from coastal Genua through the mountains to Dertona, Placentia, and Cremona near the Po River, then E to Bedriacum and modern-day Calvatone, branching right to Mantua and left to Verona, crossing the Adige River on the Ponte Pietra, then crossing the Piave River at Maserada sul Piave, ending up in Aquileia, allowing the Romans to eventually conquer Liguria.

In 147 B.C.E. the Roman census gives the pop. of the Roman Empire as 322,000.

In 147 B.C.E. after Scipio the Younger, favorite of the army and the people is elected consul and invested with the supreme command, the Romans begin a siege of Carthage, cutting off all supplies by land and sea, and building a mole across the harbor.

In 146 B.C.E. the Romans under Quintus Caecilius Metellus Macedonicus defeat the Arcadians at the Battle of Chaeronea; meanwhile the Achaean League under strategos Critolaos of Megalopolis attacks Sparta, but the Romans under consul Lucius Mummius Achaicus and praetor Quintus Caecilius Metellus Macedonicus crush them at the Battle of Scarpheia, where Critolaos is KIA and replaced by Diaeus, followed by the followed by the Battle of Corinth (to avenge an insult made to the Roman embassy there), then destroy Corinth, slaughter the men, and sell the women and children into slavery, then dissolve the Achaean League, substituting oligarchies for democracies, and annex Greece, placing it under the supervision of the Roman gov. of Macedon Macedonicus, who is permanently installed in Thessalonica; once-proud Greece becomes another tribute-paying Roman province, full of people every Equestrian would like to own?; Macedonia's four districts are formed into a koinon by Rome, with capital at Beroea at the foot of Mt. Bermios (seat of the imperial cult); from now on Greeks work as slaves and peddle their cerebral culture to their practical-minded Roman masters, while living in the past in a state of denial? - don't worry, Romans, you'll know what it feels like one day?

In 146 B.C.E. to celebrate his triumph for his V at the Battle of Scarpheia, Quintus Caecilius Metellus Macedonicus builds the Hexastyle peripteral Temple of Jupiter Stator (the Stayer) in the Roman Forum, along with the Temple of Juno Regina in the S half of the Campus Martius near the Circus Flaminius (built -179), and the Porticus Metelli (replaced in -26 by Augustus with the Porticus Octaviae), designed by Greek architect Hermodorus of Salamis from Salamis, Cyprus, becoming the first Roman temple built entirely of marble; too bad, the statues of Jupiter and Hera are set up in each other's temples by mistake; a legend attributes the design to Spartan architect Saurus and Batrachus because of depictions of a lizard (sauros) and frog (batrachos), but no inscriptions.

About 146 B.C.E. Megalopolis, Arcadia-born Greek historian Polybius (-203 to -118), who witnessed the sack of Carthage this year and was awed with Roman might begins writing a 40-vol. History of Rome, covering the Roman Repub. from -264 to -146, its wars with Carthage starting in -220, and its rise to top dog status in the Mediterranean world, which becomes instrumental in convincing Greeks to give into the inevitable and change their ways; he champions the idea of factual integrity in historical writing, and proposes the separation of powers in govt., later adopted by Montesquieu and the Am. Founding Fathers; he claims that the pesky Celts are backwards and don't know any Science - playing the Planet of the Apes chimps to the Roman gorillas?

In 144 B.C.E. the Aqua Marcia, Rome's longest of 11 aqueducts is begun by praetor Quintus Marcius Rex (ancestor of Julius Caesar) using spoils from the conquest of Corinth and Carthage (finished in -140), becoming known for its cold pure water, helping Rome grow into a large city.

In 143 B.C.E. the Third Numantine War (ends -133) in Numantia (W Spain/Portugal) begins when Lusitanian leader (since -147) Viriathus (-180 to -139) leads a revolt against the Romans, scoring several Vs until his own men murder him in his sleep after the Romans under Macedonicus defeat the Arevaci in NC Hispania; "It seemed as if in that thoroughly prosaic age, one of the Homeric heroes had reappeared." (Theodor Mommsen)

In 142 B.C.E. the Roman census gives the pop. of the Roman Empire as 322,442.

In 142 B.C.E. Scipio the Younger becomes a big man in Rome, gathering around him the Scipionic Circle of brain men (I don't see that in my anatomy textbook?), incl. Greek historian Polybius, Greek philosopher Panaetius, Roman playwright Terence, and Roman satirist Gaius Lucilius; meanwhile he is elected censor, and tries to follow in the footsteps of Marcus Porcius Cato in suppressing luxury and immorality without the benefit of them neat Billy Graham gospel sermons - I'm amazed at how quickly they turn their 15K-rhinestone wardrobe around?

In 142 B.C.E. Jonathan Maccabeus is succeeded as gov. of Jerusalem and high priest by his brother Simon Maccabeus (Thassi) ("the Boss") (d. -135), who expels the Seleucids from Jerusalem and declares Judea an independent nation for the first time since the 8th cent. B.C.E.; the Hasmonean Dynasty begins in Judea (ends -63); Demetrius II affirms Jewish independence and makes an alliance with Simon, freeing Jews from Seleucid taxation; all Seleucid are expelled from the citadel at Jerusalem; a Jewish embassy under Numenius goes to Rome, causing Roman consul Lucius Caecilius Metullus to address letters to a number of countries reaffirming a Roman protective alliance with the Judean Jews (1 Macc. 15:15-24).

In 141 B.C.E. Macedonia becomes a Roman province.

In summer 140 B.C.E Diodotus Tryphon kills 7-y.-o. Antiochus VI and proclaims himself king of Syria, becoming the first to use the name Tryphon; Rome doesn't buy it and refuses to recognize the bum.

In 139 B.C.E. Lusitanian leader Viriathus is killed in his sleep by his own men after they had been sent as emissaries to the Romans and sold-out, after which the consul orders their execution, with the soundbyte: "Rome does not pay traitors"; Tautalus

In 139 B.C.E. the Senate orders the expulsion of astrologers from Rome - never try to run a racket on a racketeer?

The original Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther by Henry Mancini? The Roman push into the plains of Spain hits a snag? In 137 B.C.E. Roman Gen. Hostilius Mancinus makes an ass of himself at the ancient Celtiberian city of Numantia in NC Spain, is defeated and his 20K-man army put at their mercy, then saved by his quaestor Gracchus IV after the victors refuse to negotiate with anybody but the son of their former benefactor Gracchus III; Mancinus is recalled and replaced by Marcus Aemilius Lepidus Porcina (greatest orator of his age, according to Cicero), but he makes a bigger ass of himself, making war on the peaceful Vaccaei after accusing them of assisting Numantia only to run out of supplies, and is deprived of command in the field, becoming the first Roman gen. thus disgraced; meanwhile the Celtic Gallaeci (Callaeci) tribal confederation in NW Spain (Galicia) is conquered by the Romans under Quintus Servilius Caepio.

In 133 B.C.E. Gaius Sempronius Gracchus IV (-153 to -121) attempts to arrest the decline of Tarentum by founding a Roman colony there; his older reformer brother Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus IV (-163 to -133) is elected tribune of the people, champions the cause of the common people and small farmers, and gets legislation passed providing for more equitable distribution of public lands, with a 3-man committee consisting of he, his brother Gaius (who is in Spain), and Appius Claudius appointed to handle the distribution, but when his term expires he makes a boo-boo by seeking re-election in violation of the age-old prohibition of two successive terms, causing his aristocratic enemies to spread rumors that he is trying to become a dictator, resulting in a riot in which he is murdered on the night before a scheduled speech on reform of agrarian laws, and his body cast into the Tiber River, after which the Senate issues its first Senatus consultum ultimum (SCU) (Final Decree of the Senate), "let the consuls see to it that the state suffer no harm"; Scipio the Younger, brother-in-law of Tiberius Sempronius Gracchus is a leader of the aristocratic party, and disclaims sympathy for the Gracchi.

In 133 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Lucius Calpurnius Piso Frugi and Publius Mucius Scaevola (d. -115).

In 133 B.C.E. Numantiais is starved into submission, captured and sacked by Scipio Africanus the Younger, adopted grandson of Scipio Africanus the Elder after a 15-mo. siege, ending the Third Numantine War (begun -143); the Celtic Vaccaei (Vaccei) tribe in the Duero River Valley in NC Spain is conquered; Scipio receives the surname Numantius to add to that of Africanus; Antiochus VII Sidetes sends him lavish presents.

In 133 B.C.E. Attalus (Attalos) III Philometor dies after he wills the kingdom of Pergamon (Pergamom, Pergamos) (modern-day Bergama) in W Asia Minor to Rome, incl. the city of Ephesus, which becomes the official residence of the gov. of the Roman province of Asia, and Troas, which becomes a Roman colony; Hierapolis becomes a flourishing Roman city; in 2013 C.E. the Ploutonian (Gates of Hades) in Hierapolis is discovered; Attalus II Philadelphus's son Eumenes III Aristonicus (d. -129) starts a revolt (ends -129).

In 133 B.C.E. Phrygia becomes a Roman province.

In 131 B.C.E. Gaius Gracchus returns to Rome, but takes no major part in public affairs and lies low after what they did to his big brother.

In 131 B.C.E. Publius Mucius Scaevola (d. -115) becomes Roman pontifex maximus, becoming the last to pub. the Annales Maximi, a record of the year's events, which are replaced by the Acta Diurna Populi) (Publica) (Urbana) (Daily Public Records), containing a daily record of all public events in Rome, which are displayed in public places then preserved as historic material.

In 131 B.C.E. Roman hero gen. Quintus Caecilius Metellus Macedonicus is elected censor, giving a speech proposing to make matrimony mandatory for all citizens in order to halt sexual libertinage, which draws strong popular opposition led by tribune Gaius Altinius Labeo Macerio; a cent. later Augustus orders the speech read to the Senate.

In 130 B.C.E. Ariarathes V of Cappadocia is KIA while helping the Romans fight Aristonicus of Pergamum, causing the Romans to reward him by adding Lycaonia and Cilicia to his dominions; after his ambitious wife Nysa poisons his five other sons, and is stopped by the nobles before she can do in her youngest son Ariarathes VI Epiphanes Philopator (d. -116), he becomes king of Cappadocia (until -116), with Nysa as regent - side effects were usually mild, incl. headaches, nosebleeds, and coughing?

In 129 B.C.E. Aristonicus' revolt is suppressed, and Pergamon becomes the Roman province of Asia (Rome's 8th province) (AKA Phrygia), the first city to make an alliance with Rome, and a center of Roman emperor worship.

In 127 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Lucius Cornelius Cinna and Lucius Cassius Longinus Ravilla; known for the original conspiracy theory soundbyte "Cui bono" (Who benefitted)?

In 126 B.C.E. a Roman army under consul Lucius Aurelius Orestes (d. -103) goes to Sardinia to quell another revolt, and Gaius Gracchus tags along as quaestor.

In 126 B.C.E. the Aqua Tepula aqueduct in Rome is built by censors Gaius Servilius Caepio and Lucius Cassius Longinus, with its source in the Alban Hills only 11 mi. from Rome, known for being lukewarm but not drinkable, causing them to be mixed with waters from the Aqua Marcia; Murphy's Law wins, and it becomes the highest aqueduct, hence the one with the widest distribution, although the one with the poorest quality water, plus the smallest to boot.

In 125 B.C.E. war breaks out between the Romans in Massilia (Marseille) and the Celtic Salluvii (Salyes) tribe on the Druentia Plain (Durance) S Gaul again, causing Roman consul Marcus Fulvius Flaccus to kick some butt this year and next, becoming the first Roman to overcome the transalpine Ligurians in war, returning to Rome in -123 for a triumph.

In 125 B.C.E. the Cassian Way (Via Cassia) in Rome is begun, branching from the Via Flaminia near the Milvian Bridge and passing near Veii in Etruria, joining the Via Aurelia at Luna.

In 123 B.C.E. Gaius Sempronius Gracchus (-154 to -121) is elected tribune, devoting himself to enforcement of his late brother's agrarian laws despite their being allowed to lapse, following his brother's footsteps by pursuing new legislation for the common people, pissing-off the aristocrats gain.

In 123 B.C.E. the Romans under gen. Gaius Sextius Calvinus conquer the Celtic Salluvii (Salyes) tribe in S Gaul, causing their king Tutomotulus (Teutomalius) to flee to the protection of the Allobroges tribe, which controls the territory between the Rhone River and Lake Geneva N of Massalia, causing Rome to declare war on them too; the Romans destroy the chief town of the Salluvii and found the Roman colony of Aquae Sextiae (hot springs of Sextius) (modern-day Aix-en-Provence) (modern-day pop. 142K) giving some of the captured territory to Massilia; the Romans also capture Arles in S Gaul from the Salluvii and attempt to build into a commercial city, although it never escapes from the shadow of Massalia.

In 123 B.C.E. Syrian pretender Alexander Zabinas is conquered and executed.

In 123 B.C.E. Carthage is rebuilt.

In 122 B.C.E. Gaius Gracchus is reelected tribune, continuing to get new laws passed, incl. one letting Roman citizens purchase grain at half price, while curbing the power of the Senate and increasing that of the equites, and creates a public works program for the poor to construct and repair roads - the Franklin Roosevelt of ancient Rome?

On Aug. 8, 122 B.C.E. the Romans under consuls Quintus Fabius Maximus Allobrogicus and Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus (d. -104) defeat the Celtic Allobroges tribe between the Rhone River and Lake Geneva allied with the Celtic Arverni tribe in Auvergne in S Gaul under king Bituitus (son of Luernios), then parade Bituitus in a triumph in Rome dressed in his silver battle armor, before being sentenced by the Senate to exile in Alba Fucens at the foot of Mt. Velino in C Italy, the captured loot being used by Fabius to build the Fornix Fabianus triumphal arch in Rome across the Via Sacra as it enters the Forum; the Roman province of Gallia Transalpina (Narbonensis) is then created, with capital in Narbonne (founded in -118), becoming the first significant permanent Roman conquest outside the Italian peninsula (N of the Alps), causing them Romans to refer to it as "Provincia Nostra" or just "Provincia", which in modern times becomes Provence; the Celtic Volcae tribe in S Gaul (between Tolosa and Narbo) is conquered by the Romans, along with the Celtic Baleares tribe on the Balearic Islands (where the largest animal is the civet cat), which had been ceded to them in -202; the Astures tribe in NW Spain, the Cantabri tribe W of them, the Arverui tribe NW of Tolosa in S Gaul, and the Gauls N of them are next on the list?

In 122 B.C.E. Pliny records three suns and three moons appearing at once in Gaul (Pliny, Natural History, Book II, Ch. 32).

In 121 B.C.E. after the Senate tries to get to him through co-tribune Marcus Livius Drusus Elder (d. -108) by offering the even more radical Leges Liviae reforms which they don't intend to implement in order to piss-off the conservatives, and getting his enemy Lucius Opimius elected consul, Gaius Sempronius Gracchus (b. -153), last of the Gracchi fails to threepeat the tribuneship, is deserted by his supporters, and flees across the Tiber River during a riot, his dead body being found on the Janiculum hill on the W bank the next day, and his reforms are quickly flushed down the cloaca.

In 121 B.C.E. the Allobrogian border town of Geneva (Gaelic "genawa" = bend, knee) at the Rhone River exit from Lake Geneva is conquered by the Romans.

In 118 B.C.E. Critolaus the Peripatetic (b. -200) dies, and Diodorus of Tyre and/or Erymneus become heads of the Peripatetic Lyceum in Athens, after which Roman influence pollutes it and the other Greek philosophical schools into becoming eclectic.

In 116 B.C.E. Julius Caesar's future uncle Gaius Marius (-157 to -86), son of a small pleb farmer near Arpinum works his way up to gov. of Farther (S) Spain, stoping bandits and becoming rich through mining investments - the Spanish learn the lesson well when they get to the New World?

In 115 B.C.E. the Roman census gives the pop. of the Roman Empire as 394,336.

In 115 B.C.E. Roman consul Marcus Aemilius Scaurus passes yet another sumptuary law to control extravagance - ah, we give up?

In 113 B.C.E. Jugurtha (-160 to -104) usurps the throne of the Berber kingdom of Numidia in N Africa (until -104), sacking the capital city of Cirta, pissing-off Rome, which considered the monarchy a loyal ally since the Punic Wars.

Ahnuld's ancestors are on the move? In 113 B.C.E. the Germanic (Celtic?) Cimbri tribe flees Jutland after devastating storms, and reaches Celtic-run Noricum (Carinthia) in modern-day S Austria, coming into first contact with the Romans and winning several Vs, starting a long war allied with the Germanic (Celtic?) Teutons (Teuutones) and Ambrones (ends -101).

In 112 B.C.E. Rome declares war on Numidian king Jugurtha, starting the Jugurthine War (ends -106).

In 112 B.C.E. the Getae of the N Danube River join the Celts to invade Roman possessions in the Balkans.

In 112 B.C.E. Tripoli in Phoenicia gains the right to mint its own coins.

In 111 B.C.E. the Agrarian Law is passed by the Roman Senate, recognizing that some lands are public while confirming the private land rights of many large landowners.

In 109 B.C.E. Roman consul Quintus Caecilius Metellus Nimidicus (-160 to -91) takes experienced military man Gaius Marius (-157 to -86) with him as his legate in his campaign against Jugurtha of Numidia, only to be replaced by Marius, becoming his bitter enemy; the Gracchian Period in Rome ends, and the Marius-Sula Period begins (ends -80).

In 109 B.C.E. Aemilius Scaurus (-163 to -88) becomes Roman censor, building the Via Aemilia Scauri connecting Placentia, Genoa and Pisa, and restoring the Mulvian Bridge.

In 107 B.C.E. the Helvetii cross the Jura Mts. after hearing reports of gold and plunder available in S Gaul and Rome, and defeat a Roman army.

In 107 B.C.E. Roman statesman-gen. Gaius Marius (-157 to -86) becomes consul, enacting the Marian Reforms, reorganizing legions into separate cohors with landless citizens eligible for military service, and introducing Marius' mules,forked sticks he issues to his soldiers to carry their 50-60 lb. equipment packs in an effort to reduce the size of baggage trains, decreeing that the eagle will be the symbol of the Senate and people of Rome, allegedly because he found an eagle's nest with seven chicks in it as a teenie, predicting that he will be elected consul 7x, going on to become known as "the third founder of Rome".

In 106 B.C.E. Tolosa (modern-day Toulouse) in Gaul, home of the Volcae Tectosages is raided by the Romans under Quintius Servilius Caepio, who pillage its temple before the Cimbri rout them, causing the proverb "Habet aurum Tolosanum" to be coined, referring to ill-gotten gains.

In 106 B.C.E. Gaius Marius establishes the aquila (eagle) as the sole symbol of a Roman legion - how much did he save by switching to Geico?

In 105 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Publius Rutilius Rufus (-158 to -77) and Gnaeus Mallius Maximus.

On Oct. 6, 105 B.C.E. the Germanic Cimbri and Teutones wipe out two Roman consular armies at the Battle of Arausio (Orange) on the Rhone River, and remain in Gaul (until -102); after losing his sons in the battle, consul Gnaeus Mallius Maximus is impeached and placed under an "aquae et ignis interdictio" (denial of water and fire), and banished from Rome.

In 105 B.C.E. Gaius Marius, assisted by Sulla defeats the Numidians after Jugurtha's father-in-law Bocchus I of Mauritania (land of the Mauri or Moors, in NW Africa) betrays him; Jugurtha is captured, paraded in Rome, and executed next year.

In 105 B.C.E. Tripolis in Phoenicia is granted autonomy (until -64).

In 104 B.C.E. Gaius Marius is elected consul for five years to combat the German threat.

In 104 B.C.E. John Hyrcanus I dies after switching from the Pharisees to the Sadduccees, and is succeeded as Jewish high priest by his son Judah Aristobulus I (d. -103), becoming the first to take the title of king of the Jews who is not a descendant of David.

In 104 B.C.E. a canal linking Arles to the Mediterranean Sea is built by the Romans.

In 104 B.C.E. UFOs are observed in Ameria (Amelia) and Tuder (Todi) in Umbria.

In 103 B.C.E. the Cimbri ally with the Teutones again and decide to invade N Italy.

In 103 B.C.E. Roman consul-gen. Gaius Marius builds a canal connecting the town of Arelas (Arelate) (Arles) in SE Gaul on the left bank of the Rhone River 45 mi. NW of Massilia (Marseille) to the sea, causing it to become a major trading center for the commerce of Gaul, eventually being settled by some of Caesar's legions and going on to pass Marseille and become the #2 wealthiest Roman city after Rome.

In 103 B.C.E. Roman satirist (first) Gaius Lucilius (b. -180) dies, leaving 30 books of Satires (Sermones) ("Conversations"), of which 1.3K framentary lines survive, and puts the Romans on their cloud of using trenchant invective, anecdote, dialogue, and fable forms to do as they say, not as they do?

In 102 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Quintus Lutatius Catulus (d. -87) and Gaius Marius (-/157 to -86). In early 102 B.C.E. after driving them out of the Alps and causing them to retreat and make a stand on the far bank of the Adige River on the plain, the Cimbri defeat 20K Romans under Quintus Lutatius Catulus in the Battle of the Adige (Atiso) River Valley, after which the Cimbri capture their fort and admire Roman bravery so much that they let them go after taking an oath on a bronze bull and/or escape on their own and capture the bull as a prize, after which Catulus retreats to Rome before setting up another defensive position S of the Po River, while the Cimbri sack Venetia, with Cisalpine Gaul lost to Rome; meanwhile the Romans under consul-gen. Gaius Marius (-157 to -86) defeat and annihilate the Teutones and E Germanic Scirians (Scirii) ("pure-bloods") at the Battle of Aquae Sextiae (Aix-en-Provence) in Gaul (modern-day Aix-en-Provence), and Marius returns to Rome sans his army after hearing of Catulus' defeat, declining to celebrate a triumph; the Romans are surprised to see (naked?) Celtic women, almost as tall as the men, fighting fiercely alongside them - did they show off their bodacious tatas and fur patches?

In 101 B.C.E. Gaius Marius gains his 5th consulship, then with proconsul Quintus Lutatius Catulus defeats the Germanic Cimbri at the Battle of Vercellae (modern-day Vercelli) on the Raudine Plain in Cisalpine Gaul (N Italy); seeing the battle lost, the women kill their children and commit suicide rather than end up as Roman slaves, which doesn't prevent the Romans from killing 140K and capturing 60K incl. many women and children, many of whom join Spartacus in the Third Servile War of -73 to -71; the remaining descendants of the Cimbri and Teutones become the Audatici of Belgium, according to Julius Caesar.

In 100 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Lucius Valerius Flaccus and Gaius Marius (6th time).

On Dec. 10, 100 B.C.E. Lucius Appuleius Saturninus is elected tribune after his rival senator Gaius Memmius is beaten to death during a riot by the agents of pro-pleb anti-aristocrat praetor Gaius Servilius Glaucia and/or Saturninus' agents during the voting, after which he and Saturninus commit suicide; Quintus Caecilius Metellus Numidicus is banished from Rome by a conspiracy led by Saturninus and Gaius Marius, causing his son Quintus Caecilius Metellus Pius (-130 to -63) to begin a campaign to get him recalled in -98 by plebeian tribune Quintus Calidius, earning him the cognomen Pius.

In 100 B.C.E. Mithridates (Mithradates) VI Eupator Megas (the Great) Eupator Dionysius (-135 to -63) of Pontus, having forced the Scythians to accept him as their overlord turns to Anatolia (Asia Minor), negotiating with Nicomedes III of Bithynia to partition Paphlagonia and Galatia; too bad, the pesky Romans are also moving in, and Nicomedes soon sells Mithridates out, causing them to begin a war over control of Cappadocia.

In the 1st cent. B.C.E. Ephesus becomes the world capital of the slave trade (till 100 C.E.).

In the 1st cent. B.C.E. the Germanic Suevi (Suebi) (Suavi) (Suevians) tribe occupies the region E of the Rhine River, incl. all of C Germany W of the Oder River to the Danube River, incl. the region of Brandenburg.

In the 1st cent. B.C.E. Roman playwright Lucius Afranius flourishes, writing 20-30 comedies.

In the 1st cent. B.C.E. Decimus Laberius (-105 to -43) and Publius Syrus become the most famous Roman writers of mimes with flute accompaniments, the most popular form of Roman dramatic entertainment - read my lips, no new taxes?

About 100 B.C.E. Greek writer Timachidas of Rhodes flourishes, leaving a work titled "Deipna" (Dinners).

About 100 B.C.E. Apicius thrives in Rome, becoming known for his love of luxury incl. good food, going on to get modest-living Roman statesman Publius Rutilius Rufus (-158 to -77) (great-uncle of Julius Caesar) expelled to Smyrna in 92; his name comes to mean gourmand or gourmet, esp. after his namesake Marcus Gavius Apicius (1st cent. C.E.) makes a name for himself, after which the name is used for cookbook titles for cents., incl. Apicius (5th cent. C.E.).

About 100 B.C.E. thg Romans begin cultivating the apricot, originally found in China.

By the 1st cent. B.C.E. the Romans are using cement to construct buildings, incl. high-rise urban tenements, and vaulted and terraced sanctuaries, such as at Praeneste 23 mi. ESE of Rome.

About 100 B.C.E. Greek sculptor Agasias of Ephesus sculpts the life-sized Borghese Gladiator.

In the 1st cent. B.C.E. Glycon of Athens sculpts the Farnese Hercules, a copy of a work by Lysippus; found in the ruins of the Baths of Caracalla in Rome in 1599 C.E.

In the 1st cent. B.C.E. the 6.7' (203 cm) statue of Venus de Milo on the Greek volcanic island of Milo (Melos) (most SW island of the Cyclades) is sculpted; discovered in 1820 C.E.

In 96 B.C.E. Antiochus VIII Grypus is murdered by his favorite Heracleon, and his claims are inherited by his son Seleucus VI Epiphanes Nicator (Gr. "god manifest conqueror") (d. -95), who becomes Seleucid king of Syria (until -95).

In 96 B.C.E. Tigranes II the Great (-140 to -55) becomes king of Armenia (strategic high road between Parthia and Syria), and in -83 to -78 founds the S capital city of Tigranocerta (Tigranakert), populating it with colonists forceably relocated from Cappadocia, becoming the strongest state E of Rome.

In 96 B.C.E. Ptolemy VIII Physcon's son Apion leaves Cyrene to Rome in his will, but it takes until -75 to annex it.

In 96 B.C.E. Mithdridates VI the Great of Pontus defeats Ariarathes VIII and exiles him, then restores his son Ariarathes IX to the throne of Cappadocia, and sends an embassy to Rome to get him recognized, lying that he is really a son of Ariarathes VI and Laodice; too bad, the Romans don't buy it.

In 95 B.C.E. New Roman consuls Lucius Licinius Crassus (-140 to -91) and Quintus Mucius Scaevola Pontifex (-140 to -82) obtain passage of the Lex Licinia Mucia, removing certain groups from the citizen rolls and banishing them for obtaining Roman citizenship "illegally", aggravating anti-Roman sentiment among its allies, leading to the Social War in -90.

In 95 B.C.E. Seleucus VI defeats Antiochus IX near Antioch, and the latter commits suicide; Antiochus IX's son Antiochus X Eusebes Philopater ("pious father loving") (d. -93) defeats Seleucus VI, who flees to Cilicia and dies; Seleucus VI's brother (4th son of Antiochus VIII) Demetrius III Eucaerus (Gr. "well-timed") Philopator (d. -88) seizes Damascus; Antiochus VIII's sons Philip I Philadelphus and Antiochus XI Epiphanes Philadelphus continue the war, but Antiochus XI dies in the Orontes River, and Philip I continues the war with Antiochus X.

In 95 B.C.E. the Romans grant liberty to the Cappadocians and authorize them to depose Ariarathes IX, but Mithridates VI the Great of Pontus fights back and takes over, then is thrown out and Ariarathes VIII restored; the Romans then offer them the chance to become a republic, but they turn it down, and after allowing to choose their own king pick Ariobarzanes I Philoromaios ("lover of Rome") (until -62).

In 94 B.C.E. Nicomedes III dies, and his son Nicomedes IV Philopator becomes king #9 (last) of Bithynia (until -74).

In 94 B.C.E. 47-y.-o. Tigranes II the Great marries 16-y.-o. Cleopatra (Gr. "father's glory") of Pontus (-110 to -57), daughter of Mithridates VI of Pontus, cementing a Hellenic alliance between Armenia and Pontus, with an agreement for Tigranes to extend his empire to the E while Mithridates VI goes W (Anatolia and Europe).

In 93 B.C.E. Antiochus X is KIA while fighting the Parthians in Commagene, leaving Demetrius III Eucerus and Philip I to fight for control of Syria.

In 92 B.C.E. the Romans aid Nicomedes III of Bithynia in defeating Mithridates VI of Pontus in Cappadocia again.

In 91 B.C.E. plebeian tribune Marcus Livius Drusus Junior (son of Marcus Livius Drusus Elder) proposes a comprehensive reform program incl. a grain and colony bill, mixed senatorial-equestrian juries, and Roman citizenship for Roman allies; too bad, he is murdered, his laws voided, and next year the allies, led by the Marsi begin the Roman Social War (Marsic War) (War of the Allies) (Italian War) (ends -88), forming their own Repub. of Italia, which declares war on Rome, even though Latin, Etruscan, and Umbrian communities remain loyal.

In 91 B.C.E. UFOs in the form of golden orbs are seen in Spoletium in Umbria.

In 90 B.C.E. Gaius Marius is driven out of Rome by Sulla.

In 90 B.C.E. Lucius Julius Caesar secures passage of the Lex Iulia (Julia), which grants citizenship to all Roman allies in Italy who have not joined the revolt, as well as to those who lay down their arms; they are enrolled in only eight tribes to reduce their voting power; the pop. of the summer resort town of Tivoli (18 mi. NE of Rome) acquires Roman citizenship.

In 89 B.C.E. the Roman army led by Sulla regains control of Italy; Strabo and Sulla celebrate triumphs abroad in Rome; the war drags on until next year, with 50K KIA on each side and Italy devastated. All free inhabitants of Italy become Roman citizens; Verona becomes a Roman colony, and a municipium in -49; the Venice-like Etruscan marshy lagoon city of Ravenna is accepted as a federated town.

In 88 B.C.E. the Roman Social War (begun -90) ends.

In 88 B.C.E. Demetrius III Eucerus is captured and killed by the Parthians, leaving Philip I as sole ruler of Syria, but Antiochus XII Dionysus (d. -84), a son of Antiochus VIII claims the throne of Syria and seizes Damascus; Mithradates II the Great of Parthia dies after defeating the Scythians along with Artavasdes, king of Armenia Major and stabilizing the kingdom's E boundaries; too bad, Tigranes II the Great of Armenia sees his chance, invading Parthia and devastating Nineveh (Ninus) and Arbela.

In 88 B.C.E. after Rome puts him up to it, Nicomedes IV of Bithynia raids the territory of Mithridates VI the Great of Pontus, and gets his butt kicked, causing him to flee to Rome again, after which Mithridates VI signs a decree at Ephesus ordering all Romans in Asia put to death, causing 80K-100K to be massacred, launching the First Mithridatic War (ends -85); Pergamum joins the revolt against Rome, causing Marc Antony to later (-40) give its beloved library to rival Alexandria; Lucius Cornelius Sulla Felix (-138 to -78) becomes consul of Rome and is placed in command of the war against Mithridates VI; when Marius aces him out of the job with the help of Roman tribune Sulpicius Rufus, Sulla marches on and seizes Rome, kills Sulpicius and exiles Marius to Africa, beginning the "royal rule of Sulla"; he then marches on Greece after Athens rises against Roman rule, and Epicurean philosopher Aristion (Athenion?) (d. -86) is elected ruler of Athens (until -86).

On Aug. 6, 87 B.C.E. Chinese astronomers record seeing Halley's Comet; Tigranes II the Great of Armenia puts a symbol on his crown featuring a star with a curved tail, indicating that he saw it too?

In 87 B.C.E. Lucius Cornelius Cinna (d. -84) becomes consul, but his pushing of the Sulpicinian voting rights measure results in riots, followed by expulsion from Rome; he asks Marius for aid, and the latter lands in Etruria, raises an army, sacks Ostia and captures Rome; Sulla's supporters are executed.

In 87 B.C.E. Roman gen. Lucius Cornelius Sulla forces Mithridates VI out of Greece and recovers most of it, sieging Athens and Piraeus in the fall (until Mar. 1, -86); Sulla supporter Quintus Lutatius Catulus commits suicide after being persecuted by Marius' supporters; Athinias becomes the 61st and last elected ruler of the republic of once great but doomed Athens, which is in anarchy.

In 86 B.C.E. the Roman census gives the pop. of the Roman Empire as 463K.

In Jan. 86 B.C.E. after Marius and Cinna are elected consuls for Rome, Marius goes mad, begins a massacre, and dies suddenly, and is replaced by Lucius Valerius Flaccus.

On Mar. 1, 86 B.C.E. after Aristion burns the Odeum so that they can't use its timber for storming the Acropolis, the Romans under Sulla capture and sack Athens, kill Aristion, and destroy most of the buildings and fortifications, stealing anything they can get their hands on, leaving Greece in ruins; one good thing, Sulla turns onto the Greek tripartite cult of Isis, Horus and Osirus (Serapis), and introduces it into Rome, where it catches on and becomes one of the most popular cults, although later consuls are forced to curb its licentious priestly rites - a big black lady stops the show?

In 86 B.C.E. a Roman embassy returns impressed with Egypt's apparent wealth.

In 85 B.C.E. the Romans sack Thebes.

In 85 B.C.E. the First Mithridatic War (begun -88) ends with Mithridates VI suing for peace and being allowed to remain king of Pontus as a Roman vassal after paying a heavy fine; brain man Lucius Cornelius Alexander Polyhistor (of Miletus) (-105 to -35) is captured by Sulla during the war and brought back to Rome to become his children's tutor, going on to become the TLW of the 1st cent. B.C.E., living like a hermit and churning out a giant Historyscope in his house in Laurentum, working hard and seldom leaving it until it finally burns down, taking him with it, along with his work - what's bothering me, what's bothering me, what's bothering me?

In 84 B.C.E. Sulla recaptures Ephesus and slaughters all the leaders of the rebellion; Cinna is KIA in a mutiny. Nicomedes IV is restored to the throne of Bithynia, and Rome increases its control.

In 84 B.C.E. Julius Caesar marries Cornelia (Lat. "like a horn") Minor (-97 to -69), daughter of his uncle Gaius Marius' partner Lucius Cornelius Cinna, making him a member of the Populares (popular party).

Speaking of great? In 83 B.C.E. handsome Roman gen. Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (Pompey the Great) (-106 to -48) (who supposedly resembles the statues of Alexander the Great) campaigns successfully in Africa, then demands a triumph, but old Sulla balks until Pompey threatens to go to the people and the army, commenting "More people kneel to the rising sun than to the setting Sun", causing Sulla to relent; Pompey tries to enter Rome with a chariot drawn by a pair of elephants, but has to switch to the usual four horses when they can't squeeze through the city gates; he chooses his own title of Pompey the Great, after Alexander the Great, causing rival Marcus Licinius Crassus to ask, "Great compared to what?"

In 83 B.C.E. the Temple of Jupiter on the Capitoline Hill in Rome is destroyed by fire.

In 82 B.C.E. Sulla having been declared enemy of the people in Rome, suffect consuul Lucius Valerius Flaccus (d. -85) (serving out the term of Gaius Marius) is sent to replace him, but is killed by his lieutenant, and Sulla begins a march on Rome from Brundisium; Sulla's opponents in Sicily are defeated by Pompey; the V at the Battle of the Colline Gate on Nov. 1 and the fall of Praeneste end the internal war, with Sulla victorious over the younger Marius; Marcus Licinius Crassus (-115 to -53) commands the left wing of Sulla's army at the Colline Gate; as an enemy of his uncle Gaius Marius, Sulla orders Julius Caesar to divorce Cornelia, but he refuses and leaves Rome.

In 82 B.C.E. Roman gen. Quintus Sertorius (-123 to -72), leader of the Marians ("the new Hannibal") begins a revolt in Spain (ends -72), and establishes a Roman-style senate of 300 members, becoming popular with the natives, who present him with a white fawn, which allegedly gives him advice straight from goddess Diana.

In 82 B.C.E. the Getae (Gets) and Dacians form a large state between the middle Danube River and the Bug River from the Black Sea to the Pannonian Plains under new king Burebista (d. -44) of the Gaetae.

In 82 B.C.E. the oldest extant amphitheater at Pompeii is built.

In 81 B.C.E. Sulla is appointed Roman dictator for life, and chooses the name Felix, meaning lucky; he then begins enacting constitutional reforms - get in the zone, Auto Zone?

In 80 B.C.E. Roman gen. Sulla appoints Ptolemy XI Alexander II (d. -80) as king #12 of Egypt's 32nd (Ptolemaic) Dynasty, and his older stepmother Cleopatra Berenice II is forced to marry him, but 19 days later he murders her, causing an angry Alexandrian mob to lynch him, and Ptolemy IX's llegitimate son (by an Alexandrian Greek concubine) Ptolemy XII Neos Dionysos Theos Philopator Auletes (Gr. "flute player") Nothos (Gr. "bastard") (-117 to -51) becomes king #13 of Egypt's 32nd (Ptolemaic) Dynasty (until -58), marrying his sister Tryphaena, who becomes Cleopatra V Tryphaena (-95 to -57).

In 80 B.C.E. Sulla conquers the Oscan-Samnite town of Pompeii; he also plunders Faesulae (Fiesole) and establishes a military colony there. Julius Caesar becomes an ambassador to the court of Nicomedes IV of Bithynia, allegedly becoming lovers, causing Caesar to become known as the "queen of Bithynia", which is later used to slam him.

In 80 B.C.E. Roman gen. Quintus Sertorius begins the Sertorian War (ends -72) against dictator Sulla, and captures Ebora (Evora) (AKA Liberalitas Julia) in Portugal 68 mi. SE of Lisbon, where a Roman aqueduct and temple of Diana are later built, organizing the tribes of Hispania and Lusitania to form an independent province and launch guerrilla war; Julius Caesar later renames Olissipo (Lisbon) to Felicitas Julia.

About 80 B.C.E. the inscription SPQR (Senatus Populusque Romanus) (the Senate and People of Rome) begins appearing on Roman monuments.

About 80 B.C.E. the Anteclassical Age of Latin (begun -240) ends, and the Golden Age of Latin begins (ends 14), known for poets like Maro, Flaccusm, and Naso (Virgil, Horace, and Ovid).

In 79 B.C.E. Sulla (d. -78) resigns after his constitutional reforms are enacted - when else has a dictator just decided to quit?

About 79 B.C.E. Lucullus imports the first cherry trees from Asia Minor to Rome.

In 78 B.C.E. Sulla (b. -138) dies, and Marcus Aemilius Lepidus Senior (-120 to -77) becomes consul with backing by Pompey, and works for the Populares, seeking to undo Sulla's reforms; he tries to prevent Sulla from being buried in the Campus Martius but Pompey overrides him; after consuls he gets in a catfight with co-consul Catulus, the Senate steps in and makes them swear not to fight, then sends Lepidus to become gov. of Cisalpine Gaul, where he raises an army, hoping to return with it; meanwhile he pardons those exiled by Sulla, tipping-off the Senate that he's trying to foment a civil war; meanwhile Julius Caesar returns to Rome.

In 78 B.C.E. the German Marcomanni tribe (a Suevic people) occupies modern-day Bohemia.

In 78 B.C.E. the custom of stretching canvas above a Roman theater is introduced.

In 77 B.C.E. Roman aristocrat Lucius Sergius Catilina (AKA Catiline) (-108 to -62) becomes quaestor - launching a leaving on a jet plane don't know when I'll be back again oh baby I hate to go career?

In 77 B.C.E. Marcus Aemilius Lepidus Senior is recalled from Cisaline Gaul, and does the expected, returning with an army, but he is defeated and killed by his optimate co-consul Quintus Lutatius Catulus with the help of Pompey the Great at the Campus Martius; Lepidus' partner, Marcus Junius Brutus (father of Caesar's murderer) remains in the fortified city of Mutina (modern-day Modena) in Italy, and Pompey marches to fight him, but the surrenders without a fight after being starved out, and Brutus Sr. flees to Regium Lepidi, where is killed by Pompey's man Geminus; Pompey then goes to Spain to quell the Marian revolt; meanwhile Roman gen. Marcus Perpenna Vento (d -72) brings a Roman army and a flock of Roman nobles to join Quintus Sertorius in Hispania, and when Pompey arrives, big man Sertorius calls him Sulla's schoolboy, and raises the city of Lauron (a Roman ally) in full view of Pompey's helpless army, then in -75 almost captures the sucker Pompey at the indecisive Battle of Sucro, then in -75 fights another indecisive battle against the united forces of Pompey and Metellus at the Battle of Saguntum in E Spain, causing Pompey to request reinforcements from Rome.

In 77 B.C.E. Julius Caesar leaves Rome again to go to Rhodes to study rhetoric under anti-Semitic Anatolian-born rhetoric king Apollonius Molon (Molo of Rhodes), teacher of glib Cicero (-106 to -43), whose motto is "Delivery, delivery, delivery" - that makes Caesar a Rhodes scholar?

In 75 B.C.E. Mithridates VI of Pontus takes advantage of the revolt in Hispania to invade Phrygia, and is stopped by the Romans.

In 75 B.C.E. Julius Caesar is taken hostage by pirates on the Aegean Sea and held for ransom for more than 1 mo.

In 75 B.C.E. Roman proconsul of Macedonia Gaius "Quintus" Scribonius Curio (-90 to -49) invades the Balkan Peninsula, going as far as the Danube River, driving out the Scordisci, Dardanians, Dacians, and other tribes, then returning without garrisoning the area.

In 74 B.C.E. Roman ally Nicomedes IV dies, bequeathing the kingdom of Bithynia in NW Asia Minor to Rome, and it becomes a Roman province, incl. Pamphylia, Lycia and the S part of wild Pisidia (SW Galatia N of the Taurus Mts.); the N part of Pisidia remains part of Galatia; the city of Antioch near the border between Pisidia and Phyriga comes live into the view. Mithridates VI of Pontus invades Phrygia again, and sieges the Roman-controlled town of Cyzicus, after which the Romans under Lucius Licinius Lucullus (-118 to -56) (known for his wealth and luxury and for commanding the Roman fleet) arrive and defeat him at the Siege (Battle) of Cyzicus; he then invades up-for-grabs Bithynia and defeats Murena, starting the Third Mithridatic War (ends -63); meanwhile Pontian troops under Eumachus invade Phrygia, and are driven out by Celtic Roman ally Deiotarus (Deiotaros) ("Divine Bull") Philoromaios ("lover of Rome") I (-105 to -40) of Galatia.

In 74 B.C.E. Cyrene is annexed by Rome.

In 74 B.C.E. the Basque tribes of Navarre on the S slopes of the W Pyrenees in Iberia (the easiest side to cross the Pyrenees into Gaul) are conquered by the Romans, becoming part of the Roman province of Hispania Citerior ("Nearer Spain"), later Tarraconensis and Caesaraugustanus.

In 73 B.C.E. Roman Thracian slave Spartacus (-109 to -71) revolts from his Roman gladiatorial school owner Lentulus Batiatus in Capua near Mt. Vesuvius, and gathers a slave army of 70K men led by 70-80 gladiators in Campania to stomp noble Roman butt and steal from the rich to give to the poor, starting the Third Servile War (ends -71), while romancing non-frigid slave babe Varinia to Aram Khachaturian's stirring Adagio from Spartacus and Phrygia?

In 73 B.C.E. Julius Caesar returns to Rome.

In 73 B.C.E. Mithridates V the Great of Pontus is defeated again by the Romans under Lucius Lucullus at the Battle of the Rhyndacus River in NW Asia Minor, and he is made gov. of the Roman province of Cilicia, continu

In 72 B.C.E. the slave revolt of Spartacus reaches its zenith, with his slave army reaching 120K men, and after two attempts to breach the Alps negotiating with Cilician pirates of coastal S Asia Minor N of Cyprus; Cato the Younger (-95 to -46) volunteers to fight in the Roman army against Spartacus to support his brother Ceapio, a tribune working for proconsul Lucius Gellius Poplicola (Lat. "friend of the people"), the cmdr. who has scored the biggest V against Spartacus so far.

In 72 B.C.E. Roman rebel gen. Quintus Sertorius is assassinated at a banquet by jealous Roman officers led by Perpenna Vento, and the Marian revolt in Spain is quashed by Pompey and Metellus, ending the emerging independent Roman republic in Hispania.

In 72 B.C.E. the Romans launch a retaliatory strike against the Getae (Getae) (Gets) (Goths?) across the Lower Danube River, but become "frightened by the darkness of the forests" and withdraw; the original Goths come from the 1.2K-sq.-mi. island (biggest in the Baltic) of Gotland (Gottland) (Gothland) 44 mi. off the SE coast of Sweden?

In 72 B.C.E. the Suevi (Suebi) (Sueves) (Suevians) (Suavi), a tribe from Germany (Upper Saxony) between the Oder and Elbe Rivers (Lusace), known for their Sonnenwald (sacred wood of the Semnones), human sacrifices, topknots, and superior valor cross the Upper Rhine (Rhein) under King Ariovistus and invade Gaul (Gallia).

In 72 B.C.E. a Roman army led by proconsul of Macedonia Marcus Terensius Varro Lucullus defeat the Bessi in Thrace, with Strabo later calling them the fiercest of the independent Thracian tribes dwelling on and around Mt. Haemus, "brigands among brigands" who are "addicted to plunder"; their capital is in Sinotova (near modern-day Pazardzhik, Bulgaria).

In 72 B.C.E. Roman statesman gen. Quintus Sertorius (b. -123) is assassinated at a banquet by Marcus Perpenna Vento while on the verge of establishing an independent Roman repub. in Hispania, after which Pompey and Metullus crush his army).

In 71 B.C.E. after building a 40-mi.-long system of ditches and walls to fence them in, the Third Servile War (begun -73) is put down by six legions (32K men) Gen. Pompey the Great (Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus) and Sen. Laurence Olivier, er, Marcus Licinius Crassus (-115 to -53) ("Some people like oysters and some people like snails; I like both oysters and snails, how about you, handsome?") in S Italy near the headwaters of the Siler River; Spartacus slays his horse at the start of the battle, declaring that if he wins he will have many Roman horses to choose from, and if he loses he won't need one; Crassus' army crushes Spartacus' main force of 50K while losing only 1K+, and drives the 5K stragglers into Pompey's army; Spartacus is wounded in one leg and drops to his knees, fighting until he is KIA, after which is body is never found; 6K slaves are taken POW and crucified along the Appian Way from Capua to Rome - I'm Spartacus! I'm Spartacus? Everybody's Spartacus? Hmmm... His unjust death judges Rome itself, making him the first Christ?

In 70 B.C.E. the Roman census gives the pop. of the Roman Empire as 910K.

In 70 B.C.E. Pompey the Great and Marcus Licinius Crassus, heroes of the Servile War are elected as consuls, although Pompey takes all the credit and rides in a triumphal procession while Crassus watches (while his fire dept. hoses him down?); Gaius Octavius (-100 to -59) (father of Emperor Augustus) is elected questor; the Roman Repub. begins collapsing, and is superseded by military dictatorships, ending with emperor you know who by -30.

In 70 B.C.E. super-corrupt Roman gov. of Sicily (since -74) Gaius Verres (-120 to -43) returns to Rome, trying to buy his way out of it with his 40M sesterces until young Marcus Tullius Cicero (-106 to -43) successfully prosecutes him and gets him exiled to Massilia (Marseille), launching his career.

In 69 B.C.E. Julius Caesar is elected quaestor for Spain; meanwhile his future sugar britches love babe Cleopatra VII is coming out of the chute, while Ptolemy XII deposes Cleopatra V and becomes sole ruler, bribing the Romans to keep Egypt from being annexed - I picked up all the garbage and checked off all the names?

In 69 B.C.E. the Romans under Gen. Lucius Licinius Lucullus defeat Mithridates VI the Great of Pontus, whose outdated chariots prove ineffective, then chase him into vast Armenia to take him on along with his ally and son-in-law Tigranes II the Great, defeating them on Oct. 6 at the Battle of Tigranocerta (capital of Armenia) after Tigranes' non-Armenian guards open the gates to the Romans; Tigranes sends a rescue force of 6K cavalry to rescue his wives and treasure; Armenia comes under Roman influence; Pompey installs Antiochus XIII Asiaticus as king of Syria; the Parthians and Romans reestablish the Euphrates River as their border.

In 67 B.C.E. the Lex Gabinia, passed by the popular assembly and bypassing the Senate gives Pompey a 3-year command to lead 500 ships to clear the Mediterranean (Mare Nostrum) ("Our Sea") of pirates, who had become so bold as to sail to the mouth of the Tiber 15 mi. from Rome; he sweeps them out of the W half of the ocean in 40 days, and in 49 more corners then in the Aegean, sinks their ships, destroys their island strongholds, and pacifies their homeland of Cilicia; meanwhile Roman gen. Lucullus withdraws from N Armenia and plunders Nisibis, held by Tigranes II's brother, but fails to capture either Tigranes the Great or Mithridates VI, causing him to be recalled to Rome and replaced by hot Pompey, with the task of defeating Mithridates VI and Tigranes the Great; meanwhile a Parthian army led by Phraates III, joined by Tigranes III, younger son of Tigranes II sieges Gordyeyne in order to replace his daddy, but daddy is too smart for that and runs for the hills after fortifying the capital of Artaxata until Phraates III gives up sieging it and withdraws, allowing Tigranes to come down and drive Tigranes IOI to the arms of Pompey, while Tigranes II recovers much of his former territory, while Mithridates VI returns to Pontus with an army of 8K men.

In 67 B.C.E. 33-y.-o. Julius Caesar weeps when he recalls that at the same age Alexander the Great had conquered all those cool countries, and all he has is this toga?

In 67 B.C.E. Catiline becomes gov. of the Roman province of Africa (until -66).

In 66 B.C.E. by popular acclaim after his V over the Mediterranean pirates, the Lex Manilia, spoken for by Cicero causes mean lame-ass Lucullus Pompey (Ganaeus Pompeius) to be replaced as Roman cmdr. in Syria by Pompey, who advances into Armenia with Tigranes III, causing Tigranes II the Great to surender and retain his kingdom in return for surrendering his conquests and paying 6K talents of silver, and allowing his so to be sent to Rome as a hostage; meanwhile Mithridates VI flees to the Caucasus, while Lucullus returns to Rome, spending the rest of his life in wealth and luxury in his villas in Tusculum and Neapolis, and his house and gardens in Rome, entertained by artists, poets and philosophers - spending too much on utility bills?

In 65 B.C.E. Cato the Younger is elected Roman quaestor, going on to prosecute previous questors for corruption, gaining popular acclaim.

In 65 B.C.E. Tripolis (Tripoli) in Phoenicia (modern-day Lebanon) loses its autonomy and is organized as a Roman province.

In 65 B.C.E. Julius Caesar becomes curule aedile, in charge of public celebrations, borrowing money from Crassus to stage lavish shows, feasts, and processions, incl. filling an arena with 320 pairs of gladiators.

In 64 B.C.E. Catiline leads the Catiline Conspiracy to get all debts cancelled (novae tabulae), planning an armed revolt after being defeated in the Senate (ends -63) - the cat's away and the mice will play?

In 64 B.C.E. Pompey the Great pursues Mithridates VI of Pontus to the Crimea, where he commits hari-kari next year, ending the Third Mithradatic War (begun -88); Pompey then marches through the former Seleucid domains and ends the Seleucid monarchy, making Syria a Roman province (ends 636 C.E.); Pompey sends Scaurus to Jerusalem to force a Nabataean retreat, and conquers the Nabataeans, but allows them to retain their independence while having to pay tribute; Lebanon is governed as part of Syria, Beirut becomes the most important city, and Aramaic replaces the Phoenician language; the kingdom of Pontus is dismantled, and part of it is allowed to exist as the old Kingdom of Bosporus (founded -438).

In 64 B.C.E. Pompey rewards Deiotarus I of Galatia for his aid by giving him the title of king plus some territory in E Pontus, to which the Senate grants him most of Galatia and Lesser Armenia.

In 63 B.C.E. Roman #1 gen. Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus (Pompey the Great) (-106 to -48) invades Palestine, quashes the Judean Civil War (begun -67) between two brothers, Aristobulus II (d. -49) (elder) and Hyrcanus II (d. -30), who vied for both the kingship and high priesthood, and captures Jehovah-town Jerusalem, taking the crown from Hyrcanus II and ending the Hasmonean Dynasty; (after having a row of stiff-necked Jewish priests executed?) Pompey pompously enters the Jewish Temple, parts the 30 ft. x 30 ft. x 4 in. Holy Curtain and enters the Holy of Holies, finding it empty of Jehovah and his Shekinah (holy presence), making him believe that he proved Jehovah a fraud and/or that Zeus has destroyed him, giving the pagan Roman Empire its fatal hubris?; Pompey restores the high priesthood to Hyrcanus II, also making him ethnarch, responsible to the Roman gov. of Syria; Judea becomes part of the Roman province of Syria, with its territory greatly reduced, and is now in its last days as the blood flows every time a Messiah arises? - if the Jesus story is fiction, this is when they'd start thinking it out? Pompey reorganizes Palestine, giving the Hellenistic cities special status and protection, allowing them to mint their own coins and exercise limited self-govt., causing them to form the Decapolis (Gr. "ten cities"), consisting of Damascus (northernmost), Philadelphia (Rabbah) (modern-day Amman) (southernmost) (25 mi. NE of the Dead Sea), Raphana (Abila?), Scythopolis (Beth-shean) (westernmost), Gadar, Hippo (Hippos) (on the E shore of the Sea of Galilee), Dion, Pella, Galasa (Gerasa) (modern-day Jarash), and Canatha (Kenath) (easternmost), with all of them except Scythopolis lying W of the Jordan River - if the Jesus story is fiction, this is when they'd start thinking it out?

In 63 B.C.E. Catiline is tried for extortion, gets pissed-off and participates in a plot to assassinate the consuls and seize power and become a king; after Publius Cornelius Lentulus Sura (d. -63) (stepfather of Marc Antony) (notorious for his private life, which got him ejected from the Senate) spoils the plot by negotiating with the Allobrogian ambassadors, causing Publius Cornelius Lentulus Spinther (d. -48) to hand him over, Marcus Tullius Cicero "the Orator" (-106 to -43), who is finally elected consul this year shows why he is a wise choice by exposing the Catiline Conspiracy and delivering two memorable Catilinarian (Catiline) Orations in the Senate, with the Latin soundbyte "Quousque tandem abutere, Catlina, patientia nostra?" (How long now, Catiline dear, will you abuse our patience?), causing Catiline's conspirators to be arrested and executed without trial despite Julius Caesar arguing for life exile and Drusus Claudius Nero (-105 to ?) (descendant of censor Appius Claudius Caecus and father of Tiberius and Nero Claudius Drusus) arguing for life imprisonment, while Catiline digs in for a last stand as the bulk of his army deserts him; the Caesar-Cicero feud begins.

In 63 B.C.E. Mithridates VI flees to Crimea and tries to get his eldest son Machares (d. -6ew), regent of the Bosporan Kingdom to aid him, but when he refuses he has him killed, taking the throne for himself and making preparations to take on Roman gen. Pompey the Great, causing his youngest son Pharnaces II (-97 to -47) to rebel and lead Roman exiles in the Pontic army against him, causing Mithridates VI to flee to his citadel in Panticapaeum and commit suicide.

In 63 B.C.E. Marcus Tullius Tiro (d. -4), a freed slave of Cicero who became his confidential secy. for 36 years invents the first system of verbatim shorthand, made up of 5K symbols (incl. the @ symbol), which is used for the next 600 years, lost, then rediscovered by German scholars in the late 15th cent. C.E. and used to record the speeches of Martin Luther.

In Jan. 62 B.C.E. after fleeing to Fiesole and blocked in his attempt to flee to Gaul by Quintus Metellus Celer and Gaius Antonius Hybrida (who is stricken with gout and passes command to master of horse Marcus Petreius) Catiline and his 10K men are defeated in the Battle of Pistoria (modern-day Pistoia) in Etruria (21 mi. NW of Florence), with Catiline seeing all is lost and flinging himself into the enemy to die a hero's death; Pistoia later becomes known as the birthplace of pistols (pistola) (1540 C.E.)? - bang bang, you're dead, not butchered like cattle?

In Dec. 62 B.C.E. up-and-coming Publius Clodius Pulcher (-93 to -52) becomes involved in the Bona Dea (Lat. "Good Goddess") Scandal when he dresses in drag and sneaks into the mysteries of the Virgin Bonea Dea ("Good Goddess") in the house of pontifex maximus Julius Caesar, causing rumors of an affair with his wife Pompeia, causing him to be tried but get off after bribing the jury; Caesar divorces her to avoid the appearance of impropriety, and he and Clodius become enemies.

In 62 B.C.E. Pompey the Great leads his legions along the Euphrates River to the Caspian Sea, conquering new territory for Rome and earning comparisions with Alexander the Great.

In 61 B.C.E. Julius Caesar becomes gov. of Spain.

In 61 B.C.E. Publius Clodius Pulcher becomes quaestor in Sicily, then returns and renounces his patrician rank, getting adopted as a pleb by Publius Fonteius in -59 and changing his name from Claudius to Clodius.

In 61 B.C.E. Pompey returns to Rome from his Asian campaign with a huge treasure, disbands his army, and after asking the Senate to postpone consular elections celebrates his 2-day Third Triumph, followed by two years of snubs from the aristocratic Senate, led by Cato the Younger, which refuses to ratify his eastern settlement or grant his demands for land for his veterans.

In 60 B.C.E. after Julius Caesar sells the idea, and Cicero rejects it, Pompey and Crassus end their rivalry, swear eternal friendship, and form the First Triumvirate to counter the power of the Roman aristocratic party, who call it the Three-headed Monster; Marcusw Licinius Crassus (-115 to -53) is supported by the publicani, Pompey the Great (Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus) (-106 to -48) by the military, and Julius Caesar (-100 to -44) by the populace; the Senate no longer decides affairs, but instead Crassus' dining room is where the action's at?; Caesar orders the proceedings of the "Acta Senatus" ("Commentarii Senatus") (daily transactions of the Senate, gathered by actuarii) to be pub. on bulletin boards "in albo" (upon the white), becoming the first album; Caesar has a variety of horses, but always picks a white one with a fake toe above the hoof, which was considered lucky; he names them Toes.

In 60 B.C.E. Octavian puts down a revolt in Thurii by slaves left over from the Spartacus and Catiline revolts, and becomes Roman gov. of Macedonia.

About 60 B.C.E. the Romans make Helmantica (modern-day Salamanca) in the Roman province of Lusitania in NW Spain a civitas (political community) on the Via de la Plata (Silver Way) trade route, which connects with Emerita Augusta (modern-day Merida) to the S, and Asturica Augusta (modern-day Astorga) to the N, building it a large bridge over the Tormes River.

In 59 B.C.E. after Octavian wins a V against the Thracian Bessian tribe and dies on en route to Rome to stand for election as consul, Julius Caesar is elected consul, and gets Pompey's eastern settlement and veteran land bill passed after having his enemy Cato the Younger dragged out of the Senate by lictors in the middle of a speech against him, causing one senator to state that he'd rather be in jail with Cato than in the Senate with Caesar; Caesar then helps Crassus' business friends (publicani) (the knights) get an unfavorable tax contract remitted, and secures the Lex Vatinia, giving him govenership of the provinces of Cisalpine Gaul and Illyricum for five years (later the province of Gallia Narbonensis); Pompey marries his new friend Caesar's daughter Julia ("youthful") (-76 to -54).

On Dec. 10, 59 B.C.E. Publius Clodius Pulcher is elected tribune of the plebs, going on to distribute free grain once a month and make other pro-pleb reforms.

In 59 B.C.E. new widow Ata Balba Caesonia (mother of 4-y.-o. Augustus) marries Lucius Marcius Philippus, a descendant of Roman king Ancus Marcius and supporter of Julius Caesar.

In 58 B.C.E. Publius Clodius Pulcher (-93 to -52), tribune of the plebs introduces the Leges Clodiae (Clodian Laws), threatening anyone who executes a Roman citizen sans trial with exile, aimed at his enemy Cicero.

Wherever we go that's where the party's at? It's easy, avoid one-on-one combat with these wild men, and instead work together to first kill the biggest Gaul on the field, then the next biggest, and so on, until they fall apart, and then massacre them all, which serves these wild amateur non-team players right? No wonder no Gaullic team ever wins the Super Bowl?

About 58 B.C.E. Caesar coins the term "Germanic" for the tribes living N of the Rhine, and "Celtic" for the tribes living S of the Rhine; Gallia Transalpina (Galla Ulterior) (which looks like a giant smorgasboard to the Romans) is split between three main nations, the tall, fair, gregarious Celtic Belgae (Belgi) (Gael. "sacred tree") tribe in the N (to the Rhine), the rest of the Celts in the middle, and the dark-complected Tarbelli in the SW (Aquitaine), who prefer to fight in small bands; "Physically the Celts are terrifying in appearance with deep-sounding and very harsh voices. In conversation they use few words and speak in riddles, for the most part hinting at things and leaving a great deal to be understood. They frequently exaggerate with the aim of extolling themselves and diminishing the status of others. They are boasters and threateners, and given to bombastic self-dramatization, and yet they are quick of mind and with good natural ability for learning" (Diodorus Siculus, Book 5); the major Celtic tribes in Belgian Gaul (Gallia Belgica) in NE Gaul are the seafaring Menapii in N Gaul in the mouth of the Rhine River S along the Scheldt River, with main city of Cassel near Tarwanna, the Nervii (of Germanic origin?) S of them (E of the Scheldt River), the Morini (Gael. "people of the Sea") on the NW coast based in Boulogne-sur-Mer and Tarwanna (Tervanna) (modern-day Therouanne), and the Caleti (Caletes) on the coast of modern-day Normandy, the Remi in NE Gaul between the Mosa (Meuse) and the Matrona (Marne) (incl. the town of Durocorter or Reims), the Suessiones (Suessones) in W Gallia Belgica between the Oise and Marne Rivers centered around Soissons, the Meldi ("honey people") on the Marne River (near modern-day Meaux), the Catuvellauni N of the Sequana (Seine) River, the Treveri (Treviri) in the lower Moselle River Valley, the Mediomatrici S of the Treveri W of the Vosges River, with capital at Divodurum (modern-day Metz), the Lingones at the headwaters of the Seine and Marne Rivers, with capital at Andematunnum ("fortress of the great bear") on the Marne River near modern-day Langres, the coastal 5-tribe confederation of Armorica (Aremorica) (Celt. "near the sea") between the Seine and Loire Rivers, incl. the Osismii ("deer people") in Finis Terrae (Lat. "ends of the Earth") in Brittany with capital at Vorgium (modern-day Carhaix) (known for trading with Ireland and Britain), the Redones (Rhedones) on the Liger (Loire) River, with capital at Condate (modern-day Rennes), the Veneti in the Brittany Peninsula, the Venelli (Veneli) (Unelli) in the Cherbourg Peninsula, the Sequani in the Arar (Saone) Rivver Valley of the Doubs in the Jura Mts. (modern-day Franche-Comte) (known for their smoked ham), the Helvetii in W Switzerland (composed of the Verbigeni, Tigurini, Toygenoi, and one other subgroup), the Carnutes and Senones N of the Liger (Loire) River (modern-day Chartres, Orleans and Blois) (political and reigious center of Gaul), the Pictones (Pictavi) along the Bay of Biscay in W Gaul (most civilized and independent Celtic tribe?), the Bituriges ("rulers of the world", "perpetual kings") S of the Liger (Loire) River, with capital at Burdigala (Bordeaux) on the Garunna (Garonne) River, the Aedui (Haedui) (Hedui) between the Liger (Loire) and Arar (Saone) Rivers (modern-day Burgundy) (known for being friendly with the Romans), the Santones (Santoni) (Santii) in modern-day Saintonge around the town of Saintes, the Arverni in Auvergne around the town of Gergovia (modern-day Clermont-Ferrand), the Ruteni ("blondes") in Aveyron (known as producers of lead), the Lemovices (Lemovici) in modern-day Limousin and Poitou, the Volcae and Tectosages (Tectosagii) in S Gaul, the Vulgientes (Vordenses) in SE Gaul, with capital at Apt, which Caesar changes to Apta Julia and beautifies; the Allobroges inhabit the Rhone Valley, incl. the key town of Lugdunum (modern-day Lyons) at the estuary of the Rhine River at the confluence of the Rhodanus (Rhone), Saone and Liger (Loire) Rivers, along with Cularo (modern-day Grenoble) on the Isere River 75 mi. SE of Lugdunum; the Vocantii (whose patron goddess is Andarta, goddess of fertility) inhabit the Rhone Valley and Alps to the S of the Allobroges; Gallia Cisalpina (Galla Citerior) (Po River Valley) is inhabited by the Celtic Boii, along with the Cenomani (Aulerci Cenomani) and Insubres (Insubria) of Insubria (modern-day Lombardy) (founders of Mediolanum or Milan); Gallia Provincia (Provence) (Province), the SE neck around the Mediterranean coast between the Alps and Pyrenees features the towns of Tolosa (Toulouse), Carcaso, Narbo (Narbonne), Massila (Marseille), Arelate (Arelas) (Arles), and Valentia; Flanders (Vaanderen), the region around the city of Bruges is inhabited by Celts; the Parisii inhabit Paris and the Seine Valley; Carnac on the Gulf of Morbihan in S Brittany 20 mi. SE of Lorient has the Carnac Stones, 1,991 granite menhirs arranged in 11 parallel rows, with a curved row of 18 stones at one end; about 1.5 mi. from Carnac Le Bosseno (a group of mounds) contains the remains of Caesar's Camp. In the spring Julius Caesar the Celt-Killer, proconsul in Gaul, using Narbonensis in the S as a base begins a series of annual campaigns in Gaul, first conquering the Suebi and killing their chieftain Ariovistus after all 370K of them begin a mass migration from W Switzerland to S Gaul under German pressure, right into Caesar's lap, and after killing 120K he orders the rest to return to their homeland and submit to Roman rule; he then strikes deeper into Gaul, and they come out swinging naked with short stabbing swords and fight for their free-ee-ee-dom, almost destroying his armies, but he holds on and kicks their butts with superior military org. and discipline in eight campaigns of the Gallic Rapes, er, Gallic Wars (end -50), making use of the fact that they have a 2-front war going on with the Germans across the Rhine River to divide and conquer, systematically exterminating them and setting Gaul up for Roman colonization while stealing their wealth to make himself rich; he eventually kills 1M of 10M, and enslaves another 1M; Caesar conquers Vesontio (modern-day Besancon) on the Doubs River (47 mi. E of modern-day Dijon), the principal town of the Sequani; meanwhile after a 3-year planning period, 260K Helvetii (mainly women and children?), led by Orgetorix strike out toward Gaul with the intention of (conquering it?) and settling among the Santoni between Poitiers and Bordeaux, using scorched earth tactics and gaining recruits as they go, reaching 200K-365K total (incl. 16K-40K warriors), reaching Geneva, only to find that Caesar and his 30K-man army have beat them to it and dismantled the bridge, after which they bypass him by going N over the Jura Mts. and ravaging the lands of the Aedui, who call on Caesar for aid, then crossing the Saone River; too bad, Caesar ambushes the last quarter of their forces on the E bank, incl. the Tigurini, and after negotiations fall through, the Helvetii defeat Caesar and continue their journey, while the rest of Caesar's army is stalled waiting for grain shipments, which are held up by the Aedui because its chieftain Dumnorix is the hubby of Orgetorix' daughter; after Caesar catches back up with them, he defeats them at the Battle of Bibracte (one of the 12 biggest towns in decentralized Gaul, which has no king and no capital city, and revolts civilized Romans with tales of the equality of women?), slaughtering and enslaving 250K and capturing most of their baggage as they flee to the lands of the Lingones on the Langres Plateau; after waiting three days to soften them up (or to lick his wounds), and ordering the Lingones not to help them, Caesar accepts their surrender and allows the remaining 110K to return home on the condition (foedus) that they supply fighting men on request; too bad, they lose their foederati status when they support Vercingetorix in -52; the Gauls are later discovered to be running 400+ gold mines (Caesar's real reason for invading?), and Caesar wastes no time glutting the Roman market with 70 tons of gold, causing prices to drop 35% as the Romans begin minting gold coins for the first time since ?; Caesar got his clue from the fact that despite an ideal climate, the Gauls imported their wine from Rome, revealing their wealth?

The original Fight Club? In 58 B.C.E. Cyprus is annexed to Rome by Cato the Younger, who was sent there to get him out of the way of the Triumvirate, and he goes on to prove how incorruptible he is, raising 7K silver talents for the Roman treasury without pocketing a shekel; too bad, his air tight accounting books are lost at sea, causing him almost to be charged with extortion, but later the Senate recognizes him with an extraordinary praetorship and other privileges, all of which he refuses as unlawful; meanwhile Publius Clodius Pulcher gets the property of rival Cicero confiscated, and burns down his house on the Palatine Hill and auctions off the land to himself under an alias; after Julius Caesar leaves for Gaul, he becomes master of Rome, with his own personal gang of street thugs under the guise of collegia (clubs), promising free grain, while his opponent, tribune Titus Annius Milo runs his own thugs to combat them.

Early in 57 B.C.E. Julius Caesar imposes a protectorate on the Gaulic Carnutes (modern-day Chartres), with puppet king Tasgetius (Tasgetios) (Tasgiitios) (d. -54); too bad, the Gauls don't go for him and assassinate him in early -54; meanwhile a tribal coalition of the Belgae incl. the Veliocasses (Velocasses) resist the Romans.

In 57 B.C.E. exiled Ptolemy XII Auletes visits Cyprus and Rome seeking support for a comeback, then gives up and heads for Ephesus. Parthian King Phraates III is murdered by his sons Orodes II (d. -37) and Mithridates III (d. -54), who fall out with each other and start a civil war.

In 57 B.C.E. an attempt to recall Cicero from exile is attempted by a tribune, pissing-off his enemy Publius Clodius Pulcher, who sends his street gang on Milo's and attacks the workmen rebuilding Cicero's house at public expense, then assaults Cicero publicly in the street and sets fire to the house of Cicero's brother Quintus Tullius Cicero.

In 57 B.C.E. Perea ("the country beyond") (E of Judea on the E side of the Jordan River) becomes an admin. district under Rome.

In 57 B.C.E. the Jewish fortress of Machaerus is destroyed by the Romans.

In 57 B.C.E. a shortage of grain in Rome causes the Senate to give Pompey a special command (cura annonae) to supervise the supply.

In 56 B.C.E. Caesar's legate Quintus Titurius Sabinus is sent with three legions to subdue the Belgic Venelli, Curiosolitae, and Lexovii of Normandy, led by Viridovix (Gael. "virile"), winning a decisive V and obtaining their submission.

In 56 B.C.E. mutual jealousies force the First Triumvirate to meet at Caesar's suggestion at the Lucca Conference in Lucca on the S border of Cisalpine Gaul, and it is agreed to give Gaul to Caesar, Spain to Pompey, and Syria to Crassus; meanwhile loose cannon Publius Clodius Pulcher becomes curule aedile, and tries to get his rival Milo impeached for public violence for defending his house against attacks by Clodius' own gang; after more street fights the matter is dropped.

In July 55 B.C.E. after bribing Roman gov. of Syria Aulus Gabinius and agreeing to support Pompey, who is in Alexandria in Mar., Ptolemy XII Auletes returns to Alexandria with some Roman troops and kicks Berenice IV's butt and has her beheaded after her hubby Archelaus is KIA.

The Roman sponge-wipers meet the Celtic leaf-and-twig wipers on Britain's Shit River and kick each other's ass and anus? Meanwhile the Triumvirate shows its first cracks? In 55 B.C.E. Julius Caesar's command is extended for another five years, and Pompey and Crassus are given matching 5-year proconsular commands, Pompey in Nearer and Farther Spain, and Crassus in Syria; Crassus sails to govern his new province of Syria with seven legions, but Pompey sends legates to govern his, while returning to Rome to plot and jockey for position in the crumbling triumvirate; Caesar continues his kill-da-Celts program where he left off, and on Aug. 26 after learning that the Celts in Britain are supporting the resistance in Armorica, he crosses the Channel and invades Britain via the White Cliffs of Dover (Dubris), where he encounters Dover Castle on the E end, then invades Kent and fights the Celtic Catuvellauni tribe, (N of the Thames River, with capital at Devil's Dyke near Wheathampstead in Hertfordshire), led by king Caswallon (Cadwallon) (Cassivellaunus) (d. -48) (earliest known British king), then quickly withdraws; the region N of the Thames River E of the Catuvellauni is inhabited by the Celtic Trinovantes (Trinobantes) tribe (most powerful tribe in Britain), and the region W of them by the Belgae; Caesar builds a bridge across the Rhine River between modern-day Koblenz (Coblenz) and Andernach; meanwhile the Belgic Menapii, who had been driven by Caesar into the swamps and forests around the mouth of the Rhine River are attacked by a Germanic invasion across the Rhine, defeated, and driven back further; "Sixty winters ere that Christ was born, Caius Julius, emperor of the Romans, with eighty ships sought Britain. There he was first beaten in a dreadful fight, and lost a great part of his army. Then he let his army abide with the Scots, and went south into Gaul. There he gathered six hundred ships, with which he went back into Britain. When they first rushed together, Caesar's tribune, whose name was Labienus, was slain. Then took the Welsh sharp piles, and drove them with great clubs into the water, at a certain ford of the river called Thames. When the Romans found that, they would not go over the ford. Then fled the Britons to the fastnesses of the woods; and Caesar, having after much fighting gained many of the chief towns, went back into Gaul." - Anglo-Saxon Chronicle.

About 55 B.C.E. the Roman settlement of Avaricum 145 mi. S of Paris in Gaul is founded at the confluence of the Yevre and Auron Rivers in the territory of the kaput Biturges, later becoming the French town of Bourges.

In 55 B.C.E. Roman poet-philosopher Titus (Lat. "defender") Lucretius Carus (Lat. "beloved") (-99 to -55) dies, leaving the epic philosophical poem De Rerum Natura (On the Nature of Things), expounding his Epicurean doctrine of the Universe in poetic form to Roman readers, based on atomism and guided by fortuna (chance); the first description of persistence of vision, which later makes motion pictures possible; in 1417 C.E. the long-lost full text is rediscovered in St. Gall Monastery by Italian humanist Giovanni Francesco Poggio Bracciolini (1380-1459).

In 55 B.C.E. Cicero writes On the Orator (De Oratore); set in -91m about Marcus Antonius Orator; "To be ignorant of what happened before one was born is to remain ever a child."

In 55 B.C.E. Pompey's Theater, the first permanent theater in Rome is built.

In 54 B.C.E. Cato the Younger is elected praetor in Rome, going on to work with his Optimates faction in the Senate to force a wedge between Pompey and Caesar, while demagogue Publius Clodius Pulcher stirs up the street rabble; meanwhile the Roman aristocrats begin resisting the Triumvirate, causing Rome to head towards anarchy, with constant thug street wars, while Pompey's wife Julia dies, along with his ties to Caesar, and glory-seeking but bumbling Marcus Lincinus Crassus marches off to fight the Parthians before his consulship is up; Cicero defends politician Gnaeus Plancius on a charge of raping a 12-y.-o. actress in Atina, and Cicero gets him off by pointing out to the all-male court that boys will be boys and/or that she made him doing it by flaunting her body on the stage, with the soundbyte: "O how elegantly must his youth have been passed! The only thing which is imputed to him is one that there was not much harm in."

In 54 B.C.E. Caesar crosses the Rhine River to kick a little German butt, then invades Britain again in the summer, taking almost half of the island and receiving the submission of six tribes in the east, incl. the Iceni (Eceni), and Caswallon's tribe the Catuvellauni, along with an agreement to pay tribute; military occupation is not attempted; his advance is impeded by pointed stakes driven into the bed of the shitty, muddy, marshy river (which eventually turns into a silver stream flowing between green banks) by the Britons, which the Celts call the Tamesis (Gael. "dark") River, which rises from four headstreams in the Cotswold Hills of Gloucestershire in S-C England; during the Renaissance it is renamed the Thames River according to the erroneous theory that the Celts came from the Thymans River in Epirus Greece; Caesar names the Pennine Mts. after the Apennine Mts. in Italy?; it takes 90 more years for the Romans to subdue the country under Emperor Claudius; Caesar's war chariots feature scythes tied to the ends of the axles, mowing down the terrified Celts; Caesar likes the captured Celt horses so much that he sends a bunch back to Rome, after which they are in much demand throughout the empire; after returning from Britain and running low on food, Caesar disperses his eight legions to squeeze the native tribes for food despite a poor harvest, and in Dec. a Roman legion and five cohorts under legates Quintus Titurius Sabinus and Lucius Aurunculeius Cotta (d. -54) build the Roman fort of Aduatuca between the Meuse and Rhine Rivers to sit out the winter, but two weeks later the starving Eburones, led by co-kings Ambiorix (young) and Catuvolcus (Cativolcus) (d. -53) (old) surprise-attack their well-stocked fort, almost taking it until the Spanish horse cavalry comes out and disperses them; the tricky Gauls then convince the Romans that the Germans are coming over the Rhine River and offer them safe passage to either of two nearby Roman forts, and after they fall for it they ambush and massacre them, pissing-off Caesar bigtime and causing him to decide to wipe out all the Belgae once and for all.

On Feb. 13, 53 B.C.E. the Gallic Carnutes of Cenabum (Genabum) 80 mi. SW of Paris on the Loire River massacre all the Roman traders as well as one of Caesar's officers, spreading into a gen. Gallic (Gaullic) (Gaullish) Revolt (ends -51), led by Vercingetorix (-82 to -46) (Gael. "king of the warriors") of the Arverni tribe in Auvergne, who is proclaimed at Bebracte; remembering the humiliation of Brennus in -387, Caesar arrives with 50K soldiers for his final revenge tour on the pesky Belgae, and burns Cenabum, kills the men and enslaves the women, then distributes the booty to his soldiers to finance his conquest of Gaul; in 275 C.E. Cenabum is rebuilt by Aurelian and named Aurelianum (modern-day Orleans); meanwhile the Belgic Nervii and Eburones under Ambiorix and Catuvolcus attack a Roman legion under Quintus Tullius Cicero (-102 to -43) (brother of the orator Marcus Tullius Cicero), but Caesar arrives in time to save the day, going on to devastate all the Belgian territories, causing Catuvolcus to poison himself while cursing Ambiorix, who slips across the Rhine River with his men and disappears without a trace; what's left of the Belgae begin a slow Latinization process, evolving into the modern-day Walloons (OE "wealh" = foreigner) in S and SE Belgium and nearby parts of France.

On May 6, 53 B.C.E. in the hot hot Syrian summer the Battle of Carrhae (Harran) near modern-day Harran, Turkey sees a horde of mustachioed Zoroastrian Parthians (awarded a special belt after seven years of physical training) under Spahbod (Gen.) Surena (Suren) (Soren) (-84 to -53) surround and defeat 40K Romans under bungling golden-armored Marcus Lincinus Crassus with 1K cataphracts (armored nobles on armored horses) supported by 9K horse archers, shocking the Roman infantry by keeping beyond reach until they wear them out, then giving them a lesson on the Parthian Shot with their hi-tech double-recurved bows, culminating in leading a large part of the Romans into a killing trap, with 20K Romans KIA and 10K taken POW; dumbo Crassus is murdered at a fake truce conference where he thinks he can buy his way out with gold, only to have molten lead poured down his throat and his head cut off for the Parthian king, after which his successor Gaius Cassius Longinus (-86 to -42) has trouble barely saving the scattered remnants of his army; many Aquilae (legionary eagles) (Roman standards) are lost, which is a great humiliation to these proud ass-kickers, causing them to launch a long-term war to regain them; meanwhile Parthia regains Mesopotamia; the battle opens Rome up to silk for the first time, and fatally weakens the Roman Repub.

The original Rome-o and Julius-ette? In 53 B.C.E. Pompey returns to the aristocratic party in Rome, wanting to be sole consul; Caesar's Roman gang leader Publius Clodius Pulcher runs street wars in Rome against the gang run by Pompey's gang leader Milo, causing the Senate to ask Pompey to round up all the gangs with his troops and play the hero.

In 52 B.C.E. victorious Roman gen. Pompey (Ganaeus Pompeius Magnus) (-10 to -48) is elected consul, and tries to gain popularity by putting on bigger shows in the arenas, building the first stone theater in Rome, and a public garden inside a square of new public bldgs., incl. the Curia of Pompey, a meeting hall for the Senate featuring a larger-than-life Statue of Pompey the Great in the Forum of Augustus playing Alexander the Great, but retaining Pompey's unique "curly quif" of hair at the center of his forehead?; his rival Julius Caesar is later assassinated under the statue.

In Sept. 52 B.C.E. the Pan-Gallic Rebellion of 52 B.C.E. sees Arvernian leader Vercingetorix (b. -82) and 70K (200K?) Celts from 28 tribes incl. 3K Veliocasses hole-up in an impregnable wooden hill fort in Alesia (Alisia) near modern-day Dijon in C France, but after the young inexperienced Vercingetorix makes the mistake of sending his cavalry off to get reinforcements, Caesar fixes his wagon by building two concentric 11+-mi. rings of earthworks in five weeks, allowing him to siege the fort while keeping neighboring Celts from aiding him; when Vercingetorix releases the aged, women, and children, Caesar refuses to let them pass and instead waits for the gates to open so he can take the fort, causing them to be trapped outside until they all starve; despite 250K Celtic troops arriving, they can't get through the Roman defenses, and after the fort is taken, Vercingetorix is kept in a pit for five years, then used in a triumph before being strangled, with the Romans making a copy of the -241 Greek statue called "The Dying Gaul"; a Roman legion under future traitor Gen. Quintus Labienus (d. -39) conquers Ile de la Cite (modern-day Paris) after the Parisii settlers burn their houses; the Romans found a colony on the site of modern-day Orleans in NC France 69 mi. SW of Paris (modern-day pop. 114K); over the next decades a new town named Lutetia is built on the left bank of the Rhine, which grows to a pop. of 12K-20K, while the Romans wipe out all traces of Celtic presence in Gaul; in Mar.-Apr. 2006 C.E. remains of a road and several houses, one with under-floor thermal heating are discovered on the Sainte-Genevieve Hill (Montagne Sainte-Geneviève) on the left bank.

In Feb.-Mar. 51 B.C.E. Ptolemy XII Auletes (b. -17) dies, leaving Egypt jointly to his 11-y.-o. son Ptolemy XIII Theos Philopator (-62 to -47), who marries his 18-y.-o. daughter Liz, er, Cleopatra VII Philopator ("father-loving") (-69 to -30), "the Serpent of the Nile", who becomes king #14 of Egypt's 32nd (Ptolemaic) Dynasty and the 7th and most famous queen of ancient Egypt; she doesn't officially accept her brother until next summer - an 18-y.-o. bitchin' babe does what with her preteenie brother?

In 51 B.C.E. Caesar quashes the Gallic Revolt (begun -53), gaining him a military rep. and personal wealth rivalling Pompey, causing the aristocratic party to seek to deprive the upstart of command; meanwhile Cato the Younger unsuccessfully runs for office with an honest campaign, is beaten by the usual crooks, and decides to never run again.

In 51 B.C.E. Orodes II's son Pacorus I (d. -38) unsuccessfully invades the Roman province of Syria.

In 50 B.C.E. Pacorus I becomes co-ruler of Parthia with his father Orodes II.

In 50 B.C.E. Roman orator Quintus Hortensius Hortalis (b. -114) successfully defends Appius Claudius Pulcher of treason and corruption after being accused by Cicero's son-in-law Publius Cornelius Dolabella, then dies of old age and luxurious living. Philo says that the Jewish community in Alexandria has grown to 1M by this year; in two cents. (150 C.E.) it is virtually extinct.

In 50 B.C.E. clean-shaven Roman gen. Gaius Julius Caesar (-100 to -44) ends the Gallic Wars (begun -58) by defeating the bearded hick Celtic Aquitani, and subjugates all of Gallia Transalpina, turning it into the new Roman province of Aqua Velva, er, Gallia Aquitania; he then plays the Miles Gloriosus (boastful soldier blowing his own horn) by staying in Bebracte in Gaul and writing his it's-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-Christmas bestsellers The Gallic (Gaullic) Wars (Commentarii de Bello Gallico) (8 vols.) and The Civil Wars (Commentari de Bello Civilli) (3 vols.) to boost his popularity among the clean-shaven sponge-wiped everywhere the Roman roads go, justifying the Gallic Wars as defensive wars made necessary by massive Helvetian migration through the provinces; the Gallic Wars contains the first written description of a reindeer as "an ox shaped like a stag"; in his writings Caesar fails to call the Celts in the British Isles Celts, becoming the first official govt. coverup?; "All Gaul is divided into three parts." (first line)

About 50 B.C.E. the Romans found the Colonia Iulia Equestris on the site of the Helvetian town of Noviodunum (modern-day Nyon, Vaud), followed in -44 by the Augusta Raurica (Colonia Augusta Rauracorum) on the S bank of the Rhine River 12 mi. E of modern-day Basel in order to block the Helvetii's military routes to Gaul, becoming the oldest Roman colony on the Rhine River.

About 50 B.C.E. the Villa of Livia is built on the Palatine Hill in Rome for Augustus' wife Livia, which she retires to after his death, surviving to modern times.

In summer 49 B.C.E. both Julius Caesar and Ptolemy recognize Ptolemy XIII as sole ruler of Egypt, with Cleopatra VII remaining queen in Thebaid, and her other brother Ptolemy XIV (-60 to -44) as co-ruler.

In summer 49 B.C.E. both Julius Caesar and Ptolemy recognize Ptolemy XIII as sole ruler of Egypt, with Cleopatra VII remaining queen in Thebaid, and her other brother Ptolemy XIV (-60 to -44) as co-ruler. In 49 B.C.E. after he grants Roman citizenship to the Gauls in the conquered towns of Gallia Cisalpina, Cato the Younger gets the Senate (puppets of his archenemy Pompey) to end Caesar's proconsular command in Gaul, reducing him to civilian status without legal immunity, and orders him to return to Rome without his soldiers (to give him a parade complete with dancing clowns?), causing Caesar (what do you bozos see stamped on my forehead, the word dumbass?) to offer to give up all but one of his provinces and legions if Pompey reciprocates; not waiting for an answer, Caesar gathers his forces in Ravenna and utters the immortal soundbytes: "To leave this stream uncrossed will breed manifold distress for me; to cross it, for all mankind", and "The die is cast", and crosses the Rubicon River in NE Italy (boundary between Gaul and Italy) with one legion (the 13th) like Sulla once did, a no-no that he has no lawful powers to do, starting a civil war in Rome after Pompey as sole consul has the Senate declare him an outlaw; Caesar's ally, tribune Marc Antony flees Rome, and as Caesar closes in, Pompey's army along with the Senate skedaddles, leaving Italy through Brundisium and fleeing to Greece; Caesar enters Rome, gets himself elected consul-commander, legalizes and launders himself, becomes pontifex maximus, then in June defeats Pompey's allies at the Battle of Ilerda (modern-day Lleida) in WC Spain.

On Jan. 4, 48 B.C.E. Julius Caesar, having crossed the Adriatic Sea to attack Pompey lands and occupies Oricum and Apollonia in Illyria; on July 10 after Caesar tries to encircle Pompey's position with a series of forts, the Battle of Dyrrhachium sees Pompey's 30K men (mainly new recruits) defeat Caesar's 10K men; too bad, Pompey balks at pursuing Caesar's fleeing troops, believing it's a trap, causing lucky Caesar to utter the soundbyte: "Today the victory had been the enemy's had there been any one among them to gain it"; Caesar withdraws toward Thessaly, with Pompey finally pursuing him, letting Caesar pick his own ground, while Pompey's officers pressure him to attack rather than let them surrender from hunger and exhaustion; on Aug. 9 the Battle of Pharsalus N of the Epineus River in S Thessaly sees Pompey lead nine Roman legions and a force of Greek and Macedonian cavalry, while JC has no cavalry and is outnumbered 2-1, but the tough veteran infantrymen pull the horses around to attack the riders, and eventually Pompey's legions cut and run, 15K falling in battle, until Pompey watches Caesar's soldiers raid his camp, and utters the soundbyte "In the very camp?", deciding to phar-salus to Egypt, hoping to beg Ptolemy XII for refuge, while the rest of his soldiers surrender on Aug. 10; too bad, on Sept. 29 (his birthday) when Pompey (b. -106) takes a rowboat sent to pick him up from Pharos Island, rehearsing a speech in Greek, his old comrades Achillas and Lucius Septimius stab him in the back then then cut off his head, leaving his nude body on the beach to be cremated by his freedman servant Philipus with the remains of the boat for a pyre; on Oct. 2 Caesar lands in Alexandria with 4K men and learns the good news when his head is brought to him in a basket, after which he "turned away from him with loathing, as from an assassin, and when he received Pompey's signet ring on which was engraved a lion holding a sword in his paws, he burst into tears" (Plutarch), after which he later gives the ashes and ring to Pompey's widow (5th wife) Cornelia; Pompey's sons Gnaeus Pompeius and Sextus Pompeius fight on, causing Caesar to spend the next few years mopping up their senatorial faction; meanwhile 21-y.-o. Liz, er, Cleopatra VII (-69 to -30), who has just been defeated by her hubby-brother Ptolemy XIII at Pelusium sees her chance and smuggles herself in to see Caesar rolled in a rug (carpet) (bed cover), pussy-whipping him into fighting for her (a product of generations of incest, tracing back to Alexander the Great's main man gen. Ptolemy, who wants to break the tradition with you, and can also speak that Egyptian talk in bed, who can resist?); actually Caesar orders her and her brother to disband their armies, but fighting breaks out - the 50+ middle age crisis vs. the nubile sweet young thing?

It takes two hands to handle his octavian-inch whopper? On Oct. 18, 48 B.C.E. 15-y.-o. Octavian (b. -63) has his toga virilis (manhood) ceremony.

In Nov. 48 B.C.E. Ptolemy XII's army surrounds Caesar's army at Alexandria, but in Dec. after a battle Caesar wins, captures the palace, takes Ptolemy POW and deposes him, executes his eunuch regent Pothinus, and hands the throne to his babe Cleo Seven (thank you, my dream stove?); Caesar's fleet cmdr. Tiberius Claudius Nero (-85 to -33) is rewarded for his V over the Egyptian navy with a priesthood, plus Roman colonies in Gaul and other provinces; too bad, the Great Alexandrian Library is damaged by fire, and 40K out of 700K vols. destroyed, causing Caesar to order some replacement scrolls sent; Cleopatra's half-sister (daughter of Ptolemy XII Auletes and Cleopatra V) Arsinoe IV (-65 to -41) escapes with help from the eunuch Ganymedes (d. -47) and is proclaimed queen by the mob, and joins an Egyptian army under Achillas which has been sieging the palace for 6 mo., catching Caesar without enough soldiers; Arsinoe IV has Achillas executed and replaced with Ganymedes, who proves able but is despised by the Egyptian officers, who secretly negotiate with Caesar to exchange Arsinoe IV for Ptolemy XIII.

In 48 B.C.E. Pharnaces II, son of Mithridates VI takes advantage of the Caesar Civil War to seize Lesser Armenia and capture Colchis, then in Oct. defeats Julius Caesar's Asian lt. Gnaeus Domitius Calvinus in the Battle of Nicopolis (Nikopol), then in Dec. defeats Galatian king Deiotarus I near Nicopolis, then captures the Roman ally city of Amisus, selling the pop. to slave traders after castrating all the boys, after which he is forced to turn back to quell revolts in his new conquests.

In 48 B.C.E. the death of Pompey causes Hyrcanus II and Antipater the Idumean to throw their support to Caesar; meanwhile Cato the Younger and Metellus Scipio refuse to cooncete defeat and escape to Utica in Africa to continue resistance, causing Cato to later be called Cato Uticensis.

In 48 B.C.E. the city of Massalia (Marseille), which backed Pompey is stripped of its possessions, which are given to its pro-Caesar rival Arelate (Arles) on the Rhone River, which goes on to become one of the main commercial centers of S Europe by the next cent., eventually becoming the #2 city of the Roman Empire after Rome itself, home of the southernmost bridge on the flood-prone Rhone, which is built on boats.

On Jan. 14, 47 B.C.E. after Julius Caesar (made dictator again) frees Ptolemy XIII, who joins the attackers, and almost defeats Caesar until reinforcements arrive from Asia Minor, Ptolemy XIII (b. -61) is drowned in the Nile River while trying to flee; Caesar puts Cleopatra VII back on the throne as sole ruler, and she presents herself to the goddess Isis in spring, then on June 23 bears Caesar's son Caesarion (Gr. "little Caesar") (Ptolemy XV Philopator Philometor Caesar) (d. -30); Caesar stays with Cleopatra through the cold, cozy winter despite the Parthians in Asia and Pompey's sons in Africa causing trouble needing his attention? Caesar leaves Egypt for Syria, invades Asia Minor and meets Deiotarus I of Galatia in the dress of a suppliant, and pardons him for having sided with Pompey, allowing him to resume his royal attire while he goes on to Pontus on the S coast of the Black Sea to take on Pharnaces II, winning 47 battles, incl. at Nicopolis, the final one being the Battle of Zela (modern-day Zile, Turkey) in May, where Pharnaces is routed with a small detachment of cavalry; Caesar is so proud of his swift Vs that he sends the immortal soundbyte "Veni, vidi, vici" (I came, I saw, I conquered) to Rome before returning to pack his bags for Africa; meanwhile Pharnaces flees to the Bosphorus, rounds up a small army of Scythians and Sarmatians, regains a few cities, and is KIA by forces of his own former gov. Asandar.

On Dec. 28, 47 B.C.E. Caesar lands in Hadrumetum (modern-day Sousse, Tunisia) to finish off the army of Metellus Scipio and Cato the Younger.

In 47 B.C.E. Antipater the Idumaean is appointed Roman gov. (procurator) of Judea, and appoints his 2nd son Herod I the Great (-73 to -4) as gov. of Galilee.

In 46 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Gaius Julius Caesar (3rd time) and Marcus Aemilius Lepidus Junior (-89 to -13); Caesar is made prefectus morum and dictator for 10 years. On Jan. 1, 46 B.C.E. after Julius Caesar's babe Cleopatra VII hooks him up with the scientists of Egypt, the solar-based Julian Calendar goes into effect, changing from a lunar to a solar year, with the start of the year from the traditional vernal equinox in late Mar., and making the year 445 days (15 mo.) long this year by imperial decree to bring it back in step with the seasons, making this the "Roman Year of Confusion"; it was designed by Egyptian astronomer Sosigenes of Alexandria, using the ancient Egyptian system of a 365-1/4 day year, and introduces a leap (bissextile) year every 4 years, with a bissextile day added in Feb. (originally Feb. 24, the sixth day before the calends of March, reckoned twice, later changed to Feb. 29); it is quite accurate, slipping by only 3 days every 400 years, plus another 1 day every 3,323 years (11 min. 14 sec. per year), and isn't officially adjusted for 1,627 years (Oct. 15, 1582 C.E.), by which time it has slipped by 12.692 days - and everybody calls himself Christian?

On Apr. 6, 46 B.C.E. Julius Caesar defeats a larger army of 40K under Metellus Scipio and Cato the Younger (with 30 elephants and 16K troops supplied by Juba I of Numidia) at the Battle of Thapsus (near modern-day Ras Dimas, Tunisia), and after getting the elephants to panic and trample their own men, causing Juba I's men to flee, the remaining 10K try to surrender to Caesar, but he has them all slaughtered because he just had an epileptic seizure and wasn't quite right?; Scipio escapes, and after Caesar sieges Utica, Cato the Younger commits suicide, stabbing himself with his sword and botching it, causing a physician to stitch him up, after which he tears off his stitches and pulls out his intenstines in order to croak; the news causes Caesar to issue the soundbyte "Cato, I must grudge you your death, as you grudged me the honor of saving your life"; Juba I camps away from Scipio's main army, and after he sees him defeated he flees with his army along with Roman Gen. Marcus Petreius (-110 to -46), until their retreat is cut off, after which they fight each other to meet an honorable death, and Petreius kills Juba then commits suicide with the help of a slave; Juba I's son Juba II (-52 to 23) is brought to Rome by Julius Caesar, and becomes Romanized, becoming known as "the scholar king". On July 24 Caesar returns to Rome, where he celebrates four simultaneous triumphs, wearing the royal purple and the laurel branch, with his VVV slogan painted on his chariot; Arsinoe IV of Egypt is forced to appear in Caesar's triumph, and he breaks with tradition by pardoning her and granting her sanctuary in the Temple of Artemis in Ephesus, but her jealous half-sister Cleopatra VII gets her new boy toy Marc Antony (-83 to -30) to have her executed on the steps of the temple in -41, scandalizing Rome; meanwhile Cleopatra marries her brother Ptolemy XIV, who becomes co-ruler again, and they travel to Rome.

In Sept.-Oct. 46 B.C.E. Caesar stages the first known Naumachia (naval gladiator battle) in a basin dug near the Tiber River, with 2K combatants and 4K rowers, all POWs; during the celebrations Cleopatra is brought to Rome and offends many when they display a statue of her as Venus Genetrix - with her Hollywood glam and her hubby Richard's obscene diamonds and other bling bling? After the celebrations end, Caesar goes to Spain to deal with Sextus Pompeius and his elder brother Gnaeus Pompeius.

In 46 B.C.E. Claudius makes Thrace into two Roman provinces, Provincia Thracia and Moesia Inferior (Lower Moesis) (region N of Mt. Haemus incl. Skopje).

In 46 B.C.E. Caesar refounds dead Corinth as a Roman colony, Colonia Laus Julius Corinthiensis.

On Mar. 17, 45 B.C.E. after Pompey's sons Gnaeus Pompeius the Younger (-75 to -45) and Sextus Pompeius Magnus Pius (-67 to -35) escape to the Balearic Islands, hook up with Caesar's former gen. Titus Labienus (-100 to -45), and cross over to Spain and raise a new army, the last Pompeians are defeated by Caesar at the Battle of the Plains of Munda near modern-day Osuna in S Spain, causing the surrender of Legio III Gallica after losing 30K men incl. Titus Labienus, who sees Caesar's ally king Bogud (d. -31) of Mauretania approaching with his army from the rear and takes his cavalry to meet them, which Pompey's men misinterpret as a retreat, causing them to begin breaking, turning into a rout; Gnaeus Pompeius the Younger and Sextus Pompeius escape again, but fail to raise a new army, and within a few weeks Gnaeus Pompeius (b. -75) is caught and executed for treason by Caesar's legatus (gen.) Lucius Caesennius Lento an Etruscan-descent tragedian, who later support Marc Antony; Caesar returns to Rome and is made sole consul, restoring the rights of those proscribed by Sulla; he makes speedy reforms, provides debt relief, cuts the number of people on the public grain dole, raises army pay, transfers the Asian tax collection from publicans to state officials, raises the number of praetors to 16, aediles to 6, quaestors to 40, and senators to 900 by enrolling Italians and Roman citizens from Spain and Narbonensis, and grants Roman citizenship to Cisalpine Gaul, pardoning Marcus Junius Brutus and making him its gov.; he also founds 20 extra-Italian colonies for veterans and poor; Cicero gives up all hope that Caesar will restore the institutions of the Roman republic and establish a Roman constitution; Sen. Gaius Cassius Longinus (-84 to -42), an old officer of Pompey begins a plot to kill Caesar, and finally persuades more respectable senator Marcus Junius Brutus (-85 to -42) (whose ancestor Junius Brutus led the fight to rid Rome of Etruscan king Tarquin the Proud in 509 B.C.E.) to join, then maneuvers him into taking over, after which 60 of the 900 senators (not incl. Cicero) join the conspiracy; too bad, Brutus fails to make the conspirators take an oath of loyalty to each other, and doesn't plot to kill Caesar's right hand man Marc Antony - Caesar's ass becomes grass and they have the lawnmower?

In 45 B.C.E. Deiotarus I of Galatia is accused at Rome by his grandson Castor of having once tried to assassinate Caesar when he was his guest in Galatia, and he is put in trial in Caesar's home, with Cicero coming to his defense, giving his big Speech in Behalf of King Deiotarus I, with the soundbyte: "For it was King Deiotarus who raised your family, when abject and obscure, from darkness into light. Who ever heard of your father, or who he was, before they heard whose son-in-law he was?"; Caesar's assassination prevents a final verdict, but Marc Antony, after a bribe, announces that Caesar had decided in his favor, and gives him back his territory.

In 45 B.C.E Padua in N Italy becomes a Roman municipum.

In 44 B.C.E. a volcanic eruption in Alaska brings cold weather, failed harvests, famine and disease, contributing to the fall of the Roman Repub. and the Ptolemaic Dynasty in Egypt. The government gets rid of its own leader, with the Roman LBJ Octavian waiting in the wings, but this time they don't try to coverup the fact that it's a conspiracy or frame a lone gunman? In Jan. 44 B.C.E. popular-with-plebeians Julius Caesar is appointed dictator (imperator) for life at his own request, and twice magnanimously refuses the crown of a king, although he renames the 5th Roman month Quintilis to Julius (July) as he were, performing all kinds of questionable actions to boot; but like true Italians, the aristocrats don't get mad, they get even with anybody even within a Roman mile of becoming a king, so on Mar. 15 (Wed.) (the Ides of March) (a.m.) after ignoring the entrail-examining Haruspices, soothsayer Spurrina ("Beware the Ides of March"), and his own wife Calpurnia Pisonis (b. -75) (who dreamed of their house collapsing, or, according to Shakespeare, of a statue of him streaming with blood while smiling men bathed their hands in it), plus a note pressed into his hand in the street on his way to the Senate (that reads "Beware of Brutus, take heed of Cassius, come not near Casca" according to Shakespeare) by defecting conspirator Artemidorus (which he is too busy to read), 55-y.-o. Gaius Julius (Gr. "child of Jove") Caesar (Lat. "hairy") (b. -100) is assassinated (after stupidly arriving unarmed and without bodyguards, trusting to luck, goodwill of the people, fate, whatever, and setting a precedent for future suicidal U.S. presidents like Lincoln and JFK?) as he sits in his gilded chair at the head of the Senate Curia (Hall of Pompey) at the foot of a giant statue of his late arch-rival Pompey (poetic justice?) by a group of 60 senators concealing daggers in their togas, who all approach at the same time, with Lucius Tullius Cimber (d. -42) asking him to pardon his exiled brother and being refused, then grabbing his purple robe from his shoulders, causing Caesar to shout "Why, this is violence!", after which the first blow is struck by tribune of the people Publius Servilius Casca Longus (-84 to -42) (who is standing behind him) in the back of the neck (Plutarch) or breast (Appian), which doesn't hurt him very badly, allowing old soldier Caesar to catch him by the arm, crying "Casca, you villain, what are you doing?", as he runs his arm through with his writing stylus, causing him to cry to his brother Gaius Servilius Casca in Greek "Help, brother!", after which the others, incl. Gaius Cassius Longinus (-86 to -42), Caesar's good friend Marcus Junius Brutus the Younger (-85 to -42), Caesar's Massilian naval cmdr. Decimus Junius Brutus Albinus (-85 to -43), and poet Gaius Cassius Parmensis (-74 to -30) (from Parma) close in and beginning stabbing Caesar before he can leap to his feet, instead hiding his head in his robe so nobody can see his face and using his left hand to hold his toga as he falls, ultimately receiving 23 dagger holes in his toga, groaning only at the first stroke, although he might have (should have?) uttered the immortal soundbyte "Et Tu, Brute?" ("You too, Brutus?") (really "Tu quoque, fili me?", meaning "You too, my son?) (really the Greek phrase "Kai su, teknon?", meaning "You too, my child?) to Marcus or Decimus Brutus (who are from the #1 bluebood line of Rome, descending from big 509 B.C.E. hero Junius Brutus, who led the overthrow of the the Etruscan kings and started independent Rome going, meaning that if he's in it they're all in it) (or maybe the first words of the well-known Greek saying "You too, my son, will have your taste of power", meaning he will end up the same way?), who stabs him in the groin and is wounded by another senator's dagger in the flurry of stabbing; meanwhile Gaius Trebonius (-92 to -43) (appointed suffect counsul by Caesar in -45, and proconsul of Asia this year) keeps Marc Antony busy outside the Senate while the dirty work is going on; after the assassins exunt stage right, three slaves carry him home on a litter with one arm hanging out, after which physician Antistius conducts the first known forensic homicide investigation and (after counting the dagger holes, coming out 23 just like Jim Carrey (1962-) told ya?) concludes that only one (the 2nd?) stroke (to the breast) was mortal; 1,643 years later (1599 C.E.) William Shakespeare writes the immortal play Julius Caesar, dramatizing the event, incl. the soothsayer, wife Calpurnia's dreams, his own big mouth ("The omens shall be what Caesar makes them be") ("Et tu, Brute?"), etc.; on Mar. 17 the Roman Senate meets, and Marc Antony surprises the backstabbers by not demanding their arrest, but agrees to let them go unpunished if they approve Caesar's will and allow him a proper public funeral, and after they bite he tries some real speechifying, reading Caesar's will on Mar. 20 to the crowd in the Forum, going on about how his gardens along the Tiber River are to be turned into a public park, every Roman citizen is to be given 300 sesterces ($15), and what a great guy this stabbed-in-the-back man of the people was, expertly fanning the crowd into a frenzy, shouting for the assassins' blood (get em', boys?), causing them to cremate the body on an improvised pyre, then begin the 13-year Post-Caesarian (Liberators') Roman Civil War (ends -30); after Caesar's aristocratic murderers come to bad ends as the People with a capital P bring them down, future aristocrats get smart and begin using puppet murderers so they can hide behind the curtains and cut the strings when the People begin to investigate; too bad, Antony's hopes of being adopted by Caesar and becoming the next king are shattered when he reads the rest of the will, which names Caesar's 18-y.-o. grandnephew Octavian (Gaius Octavius Thurinus) (-63 to 14) as his adopted son and sole heir Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus (that covers all eight octaves?), and in early Apr. after his mommy Atia Balba Caesonia (-85 to -43) and adoptive daddy (hubby since -59) Lucius Marcius Philippus (d. -43) (lifelong fence-sitter, who sat out the war between Caesar and Pompey) fail to talk him out of it, the lucky devil returns from Apollonia in Dalmatia to Rome to take up his inheritance, starting out on the wrong foot on Apr. 18-21 by offending Cicero (who is orating against Antony) by trying to charm the fat pompous ass, and in June Antony is granted a 5-year governorship of N-C Cisalpine and Transalpine Gaul, spending Caesar's fortune instead of giving it to the people like he promised in his funeral speech, and marching N to claim his province of Cisalpine Gaul, allowing Octavian to sells his own possessions to pay them himself and play the hero, causing many legions to switch allegiance to him; meanwhile Brutus and Cassius flee to raise an army in the east, and Cassius captures Dolabella in Laodicea, Syria; Cleopatra VII flees to Alexandria, has her brother-consort Ptolemy XIV asp-assinated (poisoned) on July 26, and on Sept. 2 declares her 4-y.-o. son Caesarion as her co-regent Ptolemy XV Caesarion, king #16 (last) of the Egyptian 32nd (Ptolemaic) Dynasty; too bad, this year Egypt has the first in a series of bad harvests.

On Sept. 2, 44 B.C.E. Cicero delivers the first of his 14 Philippics (Philippicae), fulminating oratorical attacks on Marc Antony - come here you great buffoon?

In Dec. 44 B.C.E. after Decimus Junius Brutus Albinus uses his office of praetor peregrinus to stay away from Rome and holes-up in his own province to form an army, then refuses an order from the Senate to surrender his province, Antony sieges him in "most beautiful" (Cicero) Mutina (modern-day Modena, Italy) (same place his daddy holed-up against Pompey in -78), while Octavian lurks in Rome.

Not one but two assassinations in one year? In 44 B.C.E. king (since -82) Burebista of Geta-Dacia is murdered, and the conspirators divide up his kingdom, with high priest Comosicus (d. -28) claiming the throne; Julius Caesar had been planning to invade them before his assassination? Macedonia again becomes a senatorial province under the jurisdiction of a Roman gov.

Does it hurt, you patsy mutineers? On Apr. 14, 43 B.C.E. after veteran political survivor Cicero turns the Senate against Marc Antony, causing them to send consuls Aulus Hirtius (b. -90) and Gaius Vibius Pansa Caetronianus (b. ?) (accompanied by Octavian) N in separate armies to relieve the siege of Mutina, Antony defeats and mortally wounds Pansa at the Battle of Forum Gallorum, after which Antony is defeated in a surprise attack by the army of it-hurts-all-over Aulus Hirtius (-90 to -43).

On Apr. 21, 43 B.C.E. Cicero gives his Last (14th) Philippic, backing Octavian in becoming defender of Rome against Antony with a special propraetorian command of both of the senatorial armies; too bad, Cicero then makes the mistake of turning on Octavian, uttering the soundbyte: "The young man is to be honored, to be praised, and to be pushed aside", plotting with Brutus and Cassius to fragment Caesar's followers and restore the power of the Senate, allowing Octavian to frame him as an accessory to Caesar's murder after the fact - the original Donald Trump "You're fired", tried on the wrong guy?

On Apr. 21, 43 B.C.E. Marc Antony is defeated in the Battle of Mutina by a coalition of Octavian and Caesar assassin Decimus Junius Brutus Albinus, causing Antony to retreat N into Transalpine Gaul to join Marcus Aemilius Lepidus Junior; Hirtius dies on Apr. 25-27 from wounds received in the battle, and after Decimus Brutus tries a rapproachment with Octavian but is blown off, and is put in charge of an army to war with Antony, only to see many of the soldiers desert, he flees to join Marcus Junius Brutus and Gaius Cassius Longinus in Macedonia, but is killed en route by a Gallic chieftain loyal to Antony, becoming the first of Caesar's assassins to be killed.

In July 43 B.C.E. after demanding a consulship and being refused, Octavian marches S to Rome without opposition, neutralizes Cicero's clique and forces a special election, which he wins on Aug. 19, being formally recognized as Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus, Julius Caesar's adoptive son, rendering Cicero and his senators kaput and in the denial stage; too bad for them, Octavian abandons his fair weather friends and gets laws passed calling for the prosecution of Caesar's assassins, adopting his uncle, er, father Caesar's old tactic of inviting his rivals to help him defeat his enemies, and on Nov. 26 meets with Antony and Lepidus in Bononia, entering an official autocratic Lex Titia creating the Second Triumvirate, with a 5-year commission to reform the state, after which they proceed to work together to punish their enemies, executing 300 senators (incl. Cicero on Dec. 7) and 2K equestrians; you're-so-good Antony gets the Senate to officially recognize the revamped Roman city of Colonia Copia Claudia Augusta Lugdunum (Colonia Copia Felix Munatia) (AKA Lugudunum from Gael. "desired mountain) (modern-day Lyons, France, pop. 506K/2.2M) in Cisalpine Gaul at the confluence of the Rhone and Saone Rivers (58 mi. NW of Grenoble) for settlement of Roman refugees of the the war with the Allobroges, who had been expelled from Vienne and were encamped nearby, while Octavian attempts to best Caesar by beginning the construction of a new, larger Roman Forum, featuring the ultimate Temple of Mars Ultor, as well as the Tabularium for public archives - extra, extra, read all about it?

By summer 43 B.C.E. Cleopatra VII gains control of Cyprus, and backs the Second Triumvirate against the assassin party of Brutus and Cassius.

About 43 B.C.E. Octavian conquers the Celtic city of Tricasses, and turns it into the city of Augustobona (modern-day Troyes), and it becomes a strategic crossroads on the Agrippa Way from Milan to Boulogne; its name changes to Tricassium in the 3rd cent. C.E. and Trecae in the 5th cent. C.E.

On Jan. 1, 42 B.C.E. Octavian Caesar is officially divinized (proclaimed a god) because of a comet that appeared at his games in -44, and he becomes "the son of god".

In 42 B.C.E. Tiberius Claudius Nero, who stepped on his toga back in -44 by suggesting that the assassins of Caesar be rewarded for their services to the state is forgiven because of his past services to Caesar, and is elected praetor, marrying his relative Livia Drusilla (-58 to 29); too bad, he later goes with Antony over Octavian, and is forced to flee Rome next year with his babe and newborn son Tiberius Jr. (b. -42), AKA future emperor Tiberius. After Caesar assassin Gaius Cassius Longinus invades his professed ally Rhodes and massacres Caesar's friends, rifles the temples and seizes the public treasury (breaking its power, although it continues to be a seat of learning), on Oct. 3 the First Battle of Philippi in Macedonia (Antony and Octavian vs. Brutus and Cassius) is a push after Brutus is successful but Cassius' forces are defeated and he orders his own freedman to kill him; on Oct. 23 Antony and Octavian defeat Brutus in the Second Battle of Philippi, in which 40K are killed and Antony emerges a hero, while Brutus falls on his sword; the Roman Repub. is kaput, and the victors divide the Roman Empire, with the West going to Octavian, Gaul and the East to Antony, and Africa to Lepidus; Thessalonica becomes a free city for its support of Octavian.

In 42 B.C.E. Hortensia, daughter of consul Quintus Hortensius Hortalus gives a speech to the Second Triumvirate that results in the partial repeal of a tax on wealthy Roman women.

In 41 B.C.E. Cleopatra VII is invited by Roman big dick Marc Antony (Marcus Antonius) (-83 to -30) to meet in Tarsus, and she puts on a royal show that turns him on, "sailing up the river in a barge with a gilded hull and outspread sails of purple, while oars of silver beat time to the music of flutes and fifes [6-hole?] and harps. She herself lay under a canopy of gold, dressed like Venus, and beautiful children, like painted Cupids, stood on each side to fan her. Her maids were dressed as sea nymphs. Some of them stood steering at the rudder and others worked the sail-ropes while the sweet scent of perfumes drifted from the boat to the shore" (Plutarch); they become lovers and return to Alexandria together where they galavant about drunk with love, Antony letting his army go to pot so he can walk like an Egyptian with perfumed poon, babbling about needing Egypt in his war with Parthia and returning the old Ptolemaic territories to her. Octavian's policy of confiscation leads to a war against Antony's wife Fulvia (-83 to -40) and brother Lucius Antonius, and he sieges them along with Claudius Tiberius Nero at the Battle (War) of Perusia (Perugia) (ends -40).

In 40 B.C.E. Perusia (Perugia) falls, and Octavian kills Fulvia and Lucius Antonius; Claudius Tiberius Nero flees to Praeneste then Naples, where he unsuccessfully tries to raise a slave army to fight Octavian, flees to Sextus Pompey, who is leading a gang of pirates in Sicily, then joins Marc Antony in Achaea. In spring after Marc Antony's request for troops from Rome for Asian wars is denied, he rushes to Rome to attend a meeting of the triumvirs, and on Oct. 1 the Treaty of Brundisium averts war, with widower Antony marrying Octavian's sister Octavia (widow of Gaius Claudius Marcellus), and moving to Athens with her; meanwhile back in Rome Octavian first lays eyes on Tiberius Claudius Nero's wife Livia (after the treaty allows him to return), causing him to fall in love at first sight and begin hooking up with her, despite being married to Scribonia; meanwhile Octavian attempts to calm the suspicions of the republicans (aristocratic families) that he isn't trying to set up a monarchy by having his big-hair arrogant Alexander the Great style (Alexander Helios) statues replaced by small-hair serious humble statues, getting hundreds of copies distributed as the first political propaganda portrait?

In 40 B.C.E. during the fighting over control of Alexandria in the wake of the assassination of Caesar, either part of the Library at Alexandria is burned or else the books that Caesar gave to Cleopatra in -48 are shipped back and lost, causing Marc Antony to donate the 200K-scroll library from Pergamum (modern-day Bergama, Turkey) to replenish it.

On Dec. 25, 40 B.C.E. Cleopatra VII bears boy-girl twins by Marc Antony, Cleopatra Selene II (Cleopatra VIII) (-40 to -6) and Alexander Helios (-40 to -25). King Malicus I of Nabataea helps the Parthians under Pacorus I overrun Syria and Palestine, where the Jews consider them as liberators against Rome-backed Herod; Aristobulus II's son Mattathias (Mattathiah) Antigonus (the Hasmonean) (Antigonus II Mattathias) (d. -37), last scion of the Hasmonean Dynasty captures Hyrcanus II, and is appointed king of Judea in Jerusalem by Parthia (until -37); Herod I the Great is ambushed by Antigonus near Bethlehem at the site of the future fortress of Herodium, but he beats them and flees to Rome.

In 40 B.C.E. the Celtic Boii, now settled by the Danube and Mura Rivers with main town at Bratislava, and known for minting high quality Biatec coins are defeated by the Dacians under king Burebista, causing their lands to become known as "Deserta Boiorum", after which they pose no threat to anyone, although the Latin word "Boia" becomes a joke since it's a play on the Latin word for a convicted criminal's restraint collar?

In 40 B.C.E. Lucius Cocceius Auctus designs and builds the 700m-long Crypta Neapolitana, two dark and dusty 10-ft.-wide (9-70 ft. high) tunnels connecting Naples and Pozzuoli to ease traffic bottlenecks around Naples, with the part in Naples known as the Piedigrotta ("foot of the grotto") and the W end known as the Fuorigrotta ("outside the grotto"); the Pedigrotta becomes the site of the tomb of poet Virgil.

In 40 B.C.E. Formiae-born Roman architect-engineer Marcus Vitruvius Pollio (-80 to 16) (who dies during the reign of Augustus) writes De Architectura Libri Decem (Ten Books on Architecture), the first modern engineering handbook, an encyclopedia of Augustan architecture from engineering and sanitation to acoustic vases, discussing the Vitruvian Water Wheel, the first record of a vertical undershot (water below) waterwheel, featuring 5:1 gearing for better grinding, and mentioning gold amalgam (gold dissolved in mercury); used by Leonardo da Vinci to make his Vitruvian Man (1487 C.E.).

In 39 B.C.E. after lobbying by Marc Antony, Herod I the Great is appointed rival king of Judea (until -4) by the Roman Senate, soon beginning a campaign to recapture it from Antigonus the Hasmonean with the aid of the Romans under Gen. Gaius Sosius (gov. of Syria and Cilicia since last year), and returns to Galilee in the spring.

In 39 B.C.E. Sextus Pompey, son of Pompey the Great, who since Munda (-45) has led a naval war against the Caesarians, gains control of Sicily, Sardinia and the Peloponnese, then cuts off Rome's grain supply; in the summer after Octavian fights two indecisive naval battles with him and loses his fleet in a storm, Rome is forced to recognize him in the Treaty of Misenum.

In Oct. 39 B.C.E. Augustus divorces his 2nd wife Scribonia for his new babe Livia Drusilla on the day of the birth of their (with Scribonia) daughter Julia the Elder (-39 to 14), who becomes Augustus' only natural child; meanwhile after Livia gets pregnant with hubby Tiberius Claudius Nero's son Nero Claudius Drusus I (Decimus Claudius Drusus) (-38 to 9), (later Germanicus) the latter is forced to divorce her 3 mo. before she gives birth next Jan. 14, then Octavian marries her on Jan. 17, with TCN giving her in marriage "just as a father would" (Dio Cassius) - Augustuses don't break the law, they make the law?

In 38 B.C.E. Jan. 1 becomes the first day of the year per orders of Octavian. On Jan. 17, 38 B.C.E. Octavian marries his 3rd wife Livia Drusilla (-58 to 29), ex-wife of Tiberius Claudius Nero, and mother of 4-y.-o. future emperor Tiberius, whom Octavian adopts as his son; at the time of marriage she is pregnant from her previous marriage, giving birth to Nero Claudius Drusus in Mar.

In 38 B.C.E. Roman gen. Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa (Lat. "born feet-first") (-64 to -12), under orders of Octavian successfully quells an uprising along the Rhine River.

In 38 B.C.E the Parthian invasion of Roman Syria under Orodes' son Pacorus I is beaten back by the Romans under Publius Ventidius Bassus at the decisivive Battle of Mount Gindarus (Cyrrhestica), and Pacorus I is KIA, causing a succession struggle with corroded old fart Orodes II and his many sons.

In 38 B.C.E. Marc Antony gives parts of Cilicia and Chalcis to Cleopatra VII, and lets her govern as vassal parts of Phoenicia, Judaea, Cyrenaica, and Crete, maintaining cordial relations with Herod I the Great.

Goodbye Maccabees, hello Herod? In June 37 B.C.E. rabbi-murdering Herod I the Great (-73 to -4/-1) conquers Jerusalem with the help of his patron and ally Marc Antony's gen. Gaius Sosius, becoming Roman client king of Judea, Idumea, Samaria, Batanea, Aurantis, Trachonites, Peraea, and Galilee; a hated Edomite (descended from Esau, elder fraternal twin brother of Jacob, father of Israel, who sold his brithright to Jacob for a pot of red lentil stew, after which their tribes split, Esau's tribe AKA the Edomites settling to the E and S of the Dead Sea, and Jacob's tribe AKA the Jews settling to the W and N), the Roman act of setting Herod I up over them as king is a huge slap in the face; Herod I has the last Hasmonean ruler Mattathiah Antigonus slain by Antony's orders, and marries Mariamne I of Samaria (a princess of the Hasmonean line) to consolidate his position with the Jews; Herod I devotes himself to developing and beautifying Jerusalem, building walls, towers, and palaces, and starting in 19 B.C.E. orders the Temple of Jehovah (Solomon) rebuilt and vastly enlarged, expanding the Temple Mount, buttressing the courtyard with blocks of stone weighing up to 100 tons, doubling its size, and doing the unthinkable by creating a courtyard for women, and another for dirty defiled genital-exposing gentiles, a desecration sparking patriotic Jewish resistance movements complete with several Messiahs, all duds; of course Jesus Christ was one of them, but his followers later claim that being a dud was part of the plan, and was a victory after all as his execution caused Jehovah to judge the Roman Empire and doom it, the original Jews don't get mad they get even; construction on the Jewish Temple continues until 64 C.E.; old fart Hyrcanus II is released by the Parthians and invited to Herod I's household along with Mariamne's brother Jonathan Aristobulus III (d. -35) (who becomes high priest) and her mother Alexandra (close friend of Cleopatra VII), who allies w+ith the remaining Hasmoneans.

In 37 B.C.E. Marc Antony fights several expensive battles in Asia, and thinks with his head and settles in Alexandria, telling wife Octavia to go back to Rome; he then campaigns against the Parthians, and is saved from falling in battle by the Third Gallica Legion, causing him to make it his main legion; meanwhile Octavian engineers the Second Pact (Treaty) of Tarentum, signed by him, Antony, and Lepidus, renewing the Second Triumvirate for five more years (until -33), while ceding Sicily, Sardinia, and Corsica to Sextus Pompey; novus homo ("self-made man") Titus Statilius Taurus of Lucania is sent by Marc Antony with a fleet to aid Octavian in his war against Sextus Pompey.

In 37 B.C.E. Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa creates the Portus Julius (Iulius) in Puteoli (modern-day Pozzuoli) near Naples, which becomes the home port for the Roman western imperial fleet (Classis Misenensis).

In 37 B.C.E. Roman poet Virgil (Vergil) (Publius Vergilius Maro) (-70 to -19) (who spends most of his life in the Naples area, and makes his villa tax-exempt by interring a fly complete with pallbearers and lengthy eulogies?) writes Ten Bucolics (Ecologues), his first major work, modeled after Theocritus' "Idyls"; the Fourth Ecologue predicts the birth of a child who will usher in a golden age of peace and prosperty, later taken by Christians to mean Jesus Christ.

In 36 B.C.E. Octavian's fleet under Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa (-64 to -12) defeats rebel Sextus Pompey (Sextus Pompeius Magnus Pius) (-67 to -35) (youngest son of Pompey the Great by 3rd wife Mucia Tertia) at the naval Battle of Mylae in Aug. and the naval Battle of Naulochus on Sept. 3 in Sicily, cementing Octavian's rule over the Roman Empire; Sextus Pompey flees to Greece, where he is executed; Lepidus half-heartedly supports Octavian, then attempts to take over Sicily, is deserted by his troops, kicked out of the Triumvirate and kept in luxurious captivity in Rome until his death; the new troops double Octavian's legions to 22; Octavian and Antony split Roman territory between them east-west, and Antony invades Parthia, but bogs down and fails to take Phraapsa (capital of Media Atropatene), then retreats to Egypt, losing 22K men in his retreat through Armenia, then rejects Octavia's offer of aid in favor of his main squeeze Cleopatra VII, who gives him a 3rd child, marrying her even though still married to Octavia - I tell my wife I love her but she never believes me 'cause she doesn't love herself?

In 35 B.C.E. Octavian campaigns in Illyricum (Illyria) (ends -34), and declares it a Roman province; he invades Pannonia and occupies Siscia (Sisak).

In 35 B.C.E. the town of Orange in SE France on the Rhone River (13 mi. N of Avignon) is founded by veterans of the Second Gallica Roman legion on the site of the Celtic town of Arausio (named after a Celtic water god), also the scene of a big battle in -105; they also call it Colonia Julia Firma Secundanorum Arausio.

In 35 B.C.E. after serving as an officer in the defeated repub. army at the Battle of Philippi in -42 and becoming friends with Octavian's right-hand-man Maecenas, becoming "a well-mannered court slave" (John Dryden), and "master of the graceful sidestep" (Quintillian), Roman lyric poet Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus) (-65 to -8) pub. Satires, Vol. 1 (first work), establishing his rep as #1 poet of the Augustan Age; followed in -30 by Satires, Vol. 2.

In 34 B.C.E. Octavian, accompanied by Titus Statilius Taurus pacifies Dalmatia, Illyricum, and Pannonia, founding the town of Emona (modern-day Lyublyana) on the Sava River, with Taurus left behind to command troops stationed there; meanwhile Octavian's rival Marc Antony conquers Armenia, expels the Parthians from Syria and Palestine and celebrates a triumph in Alexandria with Cleopatra VII, where Cleo Baby is called "the New Isis" and "Queen of Kings"; in the fall the Donations of Alexandria are pub., naming his children by Cleopatra VII, Alexander Helios (-40 to -29), Cleopatra Selene II (Cleopatra VIII) (-40 to -6), and Ptolemy Philadelphus (-36 to -29) as kings and queens with various eastern Roman territories distributed to them, and declaring Octavian a usurper of the rightful heir Caesarion, while visions of a new world order dance in their heads; Marc Antony sets Cleopatra VII up as pharaoh of Egypt, and she proceeds to piss-off the pop. by enacting the first-ever Egyptian tax on beer - they're playing our song?

In 34 B.C.E. 6-y.-o. Alexander Helios (-40 to -25), son of Marc Antony and Cleopatra, and pretender to the thrones of Armenia, Media, and Parthia is betrothed to his 9-y.-o. distant relative Princess Iotapa (b. -43), daughter of Median king Artavasdes I, who ends up with the party of Marc Antony until his death in -30, then marries Mithridates III of Commagene - your baby is how old, two?

Introducing Alexandria Hydrocolor lipstick from Olive Garden? In 32 B.C.E. the Triumvirate runs out again and is not renewed; in July after Antony divorces Octavia for Cleo you know who, stirring anti-Egyptian feelings, the Roman Senate declares war on Marc Antony and Cleopatra VII, and Octavian turns the Antonian consuls and 300 senators to him, then gets the West to swear an oath of allegiance to him as dux (military leader), publishing Antony's alleged will bequeathing the East to Cleopatra to cement their loyalty - the Western World is in the balance because of a skirt?

In 32 B.C.E. The new Temple of Neptune on the Campus Martius near the Circus Flaminius is begun by consul Gnaeus Domitius Ahenobarbus in honor of his naval V at Philippi over Gnaeus Domitius Calvinus.

On Sept. 2, 31 B.C.E. after Octavian is elected consul and declares war against Cleopatra, Octavian's admiral Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa defeats Antony and Cleopatra VII at the naval Battle of Aspium, er, Battle of Actium, a promontory in NW Greece in the Ionian Sea; each side has 500 war ships and 40K legionaries (with Titus Statilius Taurus switching sides and commanding Octavian's land force), but Antony's soldiers believe he has been bewitched (pussy-whipped?) and many refuse to fight, incl. Antony's land forces, which surrender to Taurus; Antony's ally Herod the Great claims he can't help him because he has to keep the Nabateans in check; Cleopatra breaks through a line of Octavian's ships to avoid capture (thinking Antony is dead?), and Antony thinks with his head (nose?) and runs after her, leaving most of his fleet behind, insuring a big D, after which Herod sticks to his dental plan called avoidance and goes to Rhodes to offer his loyalty to Octavian, becoming his close brown-nosing friend; the D is really a tactical V since it allows Antony and Cleo to break out of an isolated position at Actium?; either way, Octavian now controls the East.

16 big game days, 2 superheroes, one very special family room? In summer 30 B.C.E. Julius Caesar's chosen heir Octavian (Gaius Octavius) (-63 to 14) marches his armies around the Aegean, through Asia Minor and into Egypt; in July Marc Antony (b. -83) defends Alexandria from Octavian's Gen. Marcus Agrippa (-63 to -12), but his men desert, he is told that Cleopatra is dead, and falls on his own sword; on Aug. 1 Octavian captures Alexandria, and annexes Egypt as the Roman Province of Egypt (ends 641 C.E.); the Roman V gives them direct access to the Malabar Coast in India, allowing them to begin importing precious black pepper; on Aug. 12 aging 39-y.-o. Cleopatra VII (b. -69), after trying unsuccessfully to pussy-whip Octavian and negotiate to keep her Ptolemaic kingdom intact and keep her kids, only to learn that she is to be brought to Rome in chains as a common POW commits suicide at age 39 in Alexandria with an asp (Egyptian cobra) in a fig basket, becoming Egypt's last pharaoh; William Shakespeare never calls it an asp, preferring the term "pretty worm of Nilus" in Antony and Cleopatra, Act 5 Scene 2: "Poor venomous fool, be angry, and dispatch"; Cleopatra's servant Charmion (Charmian) greets some messengers, who ask, "Was this well done of your lady?", answering "It is well done, and fitting for a princess/ Descended of so many royal kings", as portrayed by Isabelle Cooley in the 1963 film Cleopatra, with the line: "Extremely well, as befitting the last of so many noble rulers" - don't have to live like a refugee? No one is predictable, not even a huckster? In Aug. teen prom queen Ptolemy XV Caesarion (b. -47) is strangled, ending the last dynasty of ancient Egypt, the Ptolemaic Dynasty (begun -305); Augustus orders the doors of the Temple of Janus closed for the 1st time since -235, indicating that Rome is finally at peace; the rest of Cleopatra's children are raised certified organic by Octavia; so much Egyptian loot fills Roman coffers that interest rates slide from 12% to 3%, increasing Octavian's popularity; up to 50 obelisks are shipped to Rome in huge specially-designed ships; Rome begins surpassing Egypt in intellectual supremacy?

In 29 B.C.E. Octavian is granted the title of imperator, and for the 3rd time in Roman history the doors of the Temple of Janus are closed to signal peace - your house, make it a Maxwell House?

In 29 B.C.E. Marcus Licinius Crassus the Younger, grandson of the Spartacus butt-kicker Marcus Licinius Crassus the Elder (d. -53) campaigns successfully in the Balkans (Moesia), conquering the town of Sardica (Serdica) (modern-day Sofia), and killing king Deldo of the Bastarnae in single combat; Roman emperor Marcus Ulpi Trajan later renames the town Ulpia Serdica after his daddy; too bad, Crassus is denied the centuries-old right to dedicate the spolia opima by Octavian, who on Aug. 13-15 celebrates his own triple triumph for his threpeat Vs of Illyria, Actium, and Alexandria, giving credit to the god Apollo; Octavian reduces the number of legions from 60 to 29, and settles 57K veterans in colonies, effectively killing the Roman Repub. by opening up the govt. to equestrians and Italians, extending Roman citizenship beyond Italy to the provinces, and taxing the upper classes to pay the vets; eventually he reduces the number of legions to 28 (150K men), who receive regular pay and retire after 20 years with land and a money bonus; an equal number of non-citizen auxiliary soldiers are recruited, who serve 25 years and then receive Roman citizenship.

In 29 B.C.E. the first Roman imperial cult temple in Asia is built, dedicated to Octavian Augustus in Pergamon, and he gives permission for a temple in Ephesus to be jointly dedicated to Roma and Divus Julius.

In 29 B.C.E. the Cantabrian (and Asturian) Wars (end -19) in NW Spain begin with the Romans under Octavian (Augustus) waging a bloody war of conquest of the last independent nations in Hispania, incl. the Cantabri, Astures, and Gallaeci, requiring eight legions w/auxiliaries totalling 50K troops; Roman gen. Titus Statilius Taurus is sent to Spain, bloodily defeating the Astures, Cantabrians, and Vaccaei, and gaining great wealth, which he uses to hire a private bodyguard of German slaves and build the Amphitheater of Statilius Taurus, the first stone ampitheater for gladiatorial contests at the S end of the Campus Martius in Rome, opening with a series of gladiator fights that make him popular with the people, who give him the right to name a praetor each year, becoming the model for more incl. the Theater of Pompey, the Theater of Marcellus, and the Theater of Balbus; too bad, it is destroyed by fire in 64.

In 29 B.C.E. Virgil begins writing the 12-vol. Homer ripoff Aeneid, about Trojan hero Aeneas, who wanders to Italy and has a love affair with Queen Dildo, er, Dido of Carthage, who commits hair-kari, then visits the underworld, where his father Anchises' shade tells him about the unborn heroes of Rome; Aeneas and his Trojans then arrive on the Tiber River, ally with King Latinus of Latium, ally with the Greeks and Etruscans, and kick rival Turnus' butt; women are "fickle unstable things".

The original Awesome Blossom? In Jan. 27 B.C.E. Octavian declares the republican govt. restored to the "Senate and people", and offers to resign his position as consul, but the Senate, wisely noting how he retains exclusive control of the army by apparently dividing the provinces between him and them, with the ones with the fewest troops going to them, gives him the position of princeps (first citizen), then, after he graciously refuses the title of Romulus, on Jan. 16 gives him the title Imperator Caesar Divi Filius Augustus (Emperor Caesar Exalted or Revered One Son of God), with the title augustus heretofore reserved for gods, beginning the emperor worship cult, magnanimously mounting the pantheon of month-gods by renaming the 6th month Sixtilis after himself (August), and shortening February so that he can make it as long as July, while juggling other months to their modern-day lengths; "Behold the man — the promised one, of whom you know - / Caesar Augustus, son of a god, predestined to rule/ And to restore the Golden Age to Latium,/ Where Saturn used to rule. His empire will extend/ Beyond the Garamants and Indians, over lands/ In the far north and south of the stars of the zodiac/ And the yearly path of the Sun" (Virgil); Augustus fixes the number of senators at 600; he receives an enormous proconsular province incl. Spain, Gaul, Syria, and Egypt (the grain supply of Rome), governed by loyal salaried "legati Augusti pro praetore" with long terms of office, and bypasses senators by appointing equestrians into prefect positions, incl. prefectus annonae (grain supply), prefectus vigulum (fire dept.), prefectus Aegypti (governing Egypt as Octavian's private possession), and prefectus praetorio for his new Praetorian Guard (ends 312), consisting of nine cohorts (one less than a normal legion) of 500 men scattered through Italy, each with 12 (later 16) year terms and special pay privileges, incl. the right to station in Rome, which spooks the citizens until they get used to it, after which he increases each cohort to 1K men; he puts his vast private wealth into an imperial treasury (fiscus), kept distinct from the Senate's aerarium; Augustus divides Gaul into four admin. regions, Gallia Narbonensis (from the Alps to the Cevennes Mts.), Aquitania (bounded on the N by the the Loire River, and containing 14 more tribes than in Caesar's days), Gallia Lugdunensis (between the Loire, Seine, and Saone Rivers, with capital at Lugdunum or Lyons), which incl. the Belgic tribe of the Veliocasses (Velocasses) and their capital Rotomagus (modern-day Rouen, pop. 111K/655K) on the Seine River in Normandy, and Gallica Belgica (between the Seine and Rhine Rivers, to the North Sea); rank and file soldiers are prohibited from marrying for the next two cents., although the order is widely ignored?; the org. lasts until the 4th cent. C.E.; Achaia (Greece excluding Macedonia) becomes a Roman senatorial province, with Corinth as capital; Ephesus becomes the capital of the proconsular province of Asia (until a little after 297 C.E.); "If we compute the number and duration of the reigns, it will be found that a period of six hundred years is filled by sixty emperors, incl. in the Augustan list some female sovereigns, and deducting some usurpers who were never acknowledged in the capital, and some princes who did not live to possess their inheritance. The average proportion will allow ten years for each emperor - far below the chronological rule of Sir Isaac Newton, who, from the experience of more recent and regular monarchies, has defined about eighteen or twenty years as the term of an ordinary reign." - Gibbon, Ch. 48.

In 27 B.C.E. Augustus' gen. of the east Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa (-64 to -12) (father-in-law of Tiberius, maternal grandfather of Caligula, and maternal great-grandfather of Nero) builds the Roman Pantheon in celebration of the Battle of Actium; it burns down in 80 C.E., is rebuilt in the 2nd cent. C.E., and becomes a Christian church in 609 C.E.; Agrippa goes on to assist Augustus in making Rome a city of marble, renovating aqueducts, building baths, porticoes, and gardens, making high quality public services available to all classes.

In 27 B.C.E. the N statue of the Colossi of Memnon in Egypt is shattered by an earthquake, according to Strabo.

In 26 B.C.E. to reward him for campaigning with him in Spain, Augustus marries Juba II of Numidia (-50 to 23) to Cleopatra Selene II (-40 to -6), daughter of Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Mark Antony of Rome, giving her a large dowry and making her queen of Mauretania (modern-day Morocco, W Algeria, and Ceuta and Melilla in Spain) in her own right; they name their new capital Caesaria (modern-day Cherchell, Algeria), and ramp up Mauretanian trade in the Mediterranean, incl. purple dye for stripes on senatorial robes after sending a party to Iles Purpuraires to learn the process; Tingis (modern-day Tangier) becomes a major trade center; Augustus appoints Juba II gov. of Gades (modern-day Cadiz) and Carthago Nova (modern-day Cartagena).

In 26 B.C.E. Augustus hears orator Gavius Silo (known for the soundbyte that the role of eloquence is to conceal eloquence), which is later mentioned by Seneca.

In 26 B.C.E. the Romans under Aelius Gallus invade Arabia Felix (Yemen), and get totally defeated.

In 26 B.C.E. the first Indian ambassador from the Tamil Pandyan Dynasty in S India is sent to Rome.

In 25 B.C.E. Octavian brags about planning a campaign against Nubia and Arabia, sending two armies into Ethiopia and Arabia Felix; Herod's troops accompany Aelius Gallus on their military expedition to Arabia Felix this year and next.

In 25 B.C.E. Octavian marries his daughter (by 2nd wife Scribonia) Julia to his sister's son Marcus Claudius Marcellus (-42 to -23), becoming her first of three marriages.

In 25 B.C.E. Amyntas is ambushed by men working for the widow of the prince of Homonada (Hoinona), whose hubby he had killed, and Galatia in C Asia Minor, formerly controlled by wild Gaulish Celts and now filled with loads of Greeks becomes a Roman province, causing the pop. to be referred to as Gallo-Graeci; wild, warlike Pisidia N of Lycia in S Asia Minor (modern-day Antalya Province, Turkey) becomes part of it.

In 25 B.C.E. the Romans under Gen. Marcus Agrippa conquer the Celt-Iberian settlement of Salduba on the right bank of the Ebro River in NE Spain (170 mi. NE of Madrid), and turn it into the Roman city of Caesar Augusta, which later becomes Saragossa (Zaragoza), capital city of Aragon in the 12th-15th cent. (modern-day pop. 666K); after their V over the Cantabrians, Augustus closes the doors of the Temple of Janus (last time -30).

In 25 B.C.E. Roman oyster grower Sergius Orata allegedly invents the hypocaust, a system for heating villas an

In 25 B.C.E. Agrippa builds the Thermae Agrippae thermal baths in Rome, becoming the first in Rome, and the first imperial baths.

In 24 B.C.E. Octavian founds Nicopolis (Gr. "city of conquest") in Epirus in NW Greece about 6 mi. N of Preveza in memory of his big V at nearby Actium in -31, and in -27 founds the Actian Games (held every five years) in honor of the god Apollo, to whom he had promised a new temple on the morning of the battle, and builds a temple to the god Neptune on the site of his encampment right where his tent had been; most of the city's public bldgs. are financed by Ho Ho Ho Herod da Great?

About 23 B.C.E. the city of Rome is divided into 14 numbered admin. regions, all but one on the E side of the Tiber River.

It was like Cirque de Soleil? In 23 B.C.E. 10-time consul Octavian resigns to give others a chance at prestige, then receives imperium maius ("greater command than others") and becomes proconsul, then tribune of the people (tribunicia potestas) (power of a tribune), with the power to introduce and veto legislation and convene the Senate, control elections, and nominate candidates of his choice, allowing him to control the state without himself holding office; his "household" begins to run Rome, substituting for the Senate, as he becomes Rome's first emperor - China's got nothing on Rome now? In 23 B.C.E. the Kingdom of Kush in Meroe (Meroë) in Nubia under Queen Amanirenas (Amanirena) (Imanarenat) (Candace) (Kandake) attacks Roman Egypt with border raids in the Thebaid near the First Cataract, sieging Syene and its Roman garrison and enslaving the pop. then looting Egyptian statues and artifacts before 10K Romans under Gaius (Publius) Petroius (-75 to -19) chase them back to Nubia and raze the capital city of Napata next year, enslaving the pop. and sending 1K back to Augustus for the games, then signing a peace treaty that gets most of them back.

In 23 B.C.E. after buying a house from Quinus Hortensius near the Hut of Romulus, Augustus begins the 2-story Imperial Palace (House) of Augustus on the Palatine Hill, which seems modest but contains vast substructures; the word "palace" later comes from Palatine.

In 22 B.C.E. Augustus journeys to the E, visiting Athens, Eleusis, the Peloponnese, Samos, Syria, etc.

In 21 B.C.E. Augustus' faithful lt. Marcus Agrippa marries his daughter and only child Julia Major (the Elder) (-39 to 14) (her 2nd marriage); they have three sons incl. Gaius Caesar (b. -20) and Lucius Caesar (b. -17), whom Augustus adopts as his sons, and Agrippa Posthumous, and two daughters, Julia Minor and Agrippina I (Major).

In 21 B.C.E. Greek historian Diodorus Siculus (-90 to -21) dies, leaving Bibliotheke Historike (Historical Library), a 40-vol. history of the world in 3 parts written in -60 to -30, covering 1,138 years from Creation to the Trojan War, from the Trojan War to the death of Alexander the Great, and from thence to the start of Caesar's Gallic Wars; books 1-5, 11-20, and parts of 21-40 survive; gives an account of slave labor gold mining in Nubia, and the pesky Celts, which he claims live in S France and are separate from the Gauls, who live to the N of them.

In 20 B.C.E. Augustus arrives in Syria and recovers Roman standards captured from Crassus and Antony in three wars against Parthia, reaching a diplomatic settlement with Parthia whereby a compromise Arcasid candidate governs Armenia, which becomes a buffer zone; Augustus then has the bronze Augustus of Prima Porta made, showing him standing in his military uniform barefoot, with the right arm raised and the left arm lowered, both hands pointing the index finger, and a portrait on his breastplate of him accepting the surrender of the Parthians, portraying him as a prince of peace who's bringing Rome a golden age and the Pax Augusta, while retaining the traditional Republican families in good shape; meanwhile he wipes out and/or buys his opponents in the Senate to solidify his absolute monarchy, while letting his symbols work for him to fool the complacent sheeplike public into being content, becoming the original Big Lie Coverstory used by all future European dictators; on Apr. 20, 1863 a marble copy of the statue is discovered in the Villa of Livia.

In 20 B.C.E. Perea becomes part of Herod the Great's kingdom; the region of Paneas (Paneion) (Panias) )Bamoas_ (named after the Greek god Pan) at the foot of Mount Hermon N of the Golan Heights is given by Augustus to Herod, who builds a white marble temple dedicated to him.

In 19 B.C.E. the Cantabri (Cantabrians) (modern-day (Basques) in NW Spain and SW France, known for car-door ears and their Euskera (Euskara) language unrelated to anything else known are defeated by the Romans under Marcus Agrippa, ending the Cantabrian Wars (begun -29), and NW Spain is completely conquered and absorbed into the Roman province of Hispania Tarraconensis (ends 459 C.E.) N of Hispania Lusitania (modern-day Portugal) and Hispania Baetica (modern-day Andalusia) - until they invent gunpowder and Coca-Cola to make kalimotxo AKA cold pussy?

On Oct. 12, 19 B.C.E. after returning from the east, Octavian dedicates a new altar to Fortuna Redux (fortune the home-bringer); meanwhile Roman poet Virgil (Vergil) (-70 to -19) travels to Greece and Asia to revise his Aeneid, and meets Augustus in Athens, then returns with him to Italy, taking ill before embarking, then dying after arriving at Brundisium, giving orders to destroy his ms. of Aeneid, which Augustus countermands, getting it pub. by Varius and Plotius Tucca.

In 19 B.C.E. the Romans use the help of a virgin to discover a source of pure water 8 mi. (13km) from Rome, building the 14-mi.-long (22km) aqueduct Aqua Virgo, which feeds the Baths of Agrippa and is used for 4 cents.; after it is revived in the 17th cent. C.E. as the Acqua Vergine, its terminal point is at the junction of three roads (It. "tre vie") in Rome that become the site of the Trevi Fountain (finished 1762).

In 18 B.C.E. Augustus begins his fatherly program of social improvement, starting with moral legislation, getting the Lex Iulia de Maritandis Ordinibus passed, regulating marriage among the social orders, followed next year by the Lex Iulia de Adulteriis Coercendis, making adultery a crime punishable by banishment on different islands - that's the jam?

In 18 B.C.E. Augustus lets Marcus Agrippa share his tribunicia potestas.

On May 31-June 3, 17 B.C.E. Roman emperor Augustus celebrates a new age (century) with the Ludi Saeculares religious games, a revival of the Ludi Terentini (-249) - express yourself?

In 16 B.C.E. Augustus leaves Rome for Gaul, leaving his friend Titus Statilius Taurus as prefectus urbi, making him the last man to hold multiple Roman consulships until Tiberius in -7. The Romans begin expanding their territory W along the Danube River, creating the Celtic provinces of Noricum, bounded by the Danube River on the N, Rhaetia and Vindelicia on the W, and Pannonia on the E and SE, and Rhaetia (Raetia) (Etruscan?), W of Pannonia and N of Italy; too bad, Roman gen. Marcus Lollius (Paulinus?) (-55 to 2) (gov. of Gallia Comata) is defeated by the Germanic Sugambri at the Battle of Vindobona (modern-day Vienna, pop. 1.9M/2.6M) on the Danube River with his V Alaudae legion losing its eagle standard, causing emperor Augustus to become determined to end the pesky German problem once and for all, but ending up making Vindobona a frontier town.

In 16 B.C.E. after defeating the Belgic Treveri (Treviri), the town of Augusta Treverorum ("city of Augstus in the land of the Treveri") (modern-day Trier or Treves, pop. 115K) in a valley between low vine-covered red sandstone hills in modern-day Rhineland-Palatinate near the German-Luxembourg border (modern pop. 115K) at the foot of Mt. Petrisberg on the 315 mi. Moselle River (which starts in the French Vosges and flows into the the Rhine River) is founded as the capital of the Roman province of Galla Belgica.

In 16 B.C.E. Roman didactic poet Aemilius Macer (b. ?) (friend of Ovid) (son or grandson of Pompey's friend Theophanes of Mytilene?) dies, leaving Ornithogonia (birds), and Theriaca (antidotes against serpent poisons).

In 15 B.C.E. the city of Augsburg at the convergence of the Lech and Wertach Rivers in Swabia, S Bavaria is founded as the garrison camp Augusta Vindelicorum by Claudius Drusus and Tiberius on orders of their stepfather Emperor Augustus, becoming capital of the Roman province of Raetia in 120 C.E.; on Mar. 9, 1276 it is granted the status of free imperial city, going on to produce the Fugger and Welser banking families and the Augsburg Confession of 1530.

In 15 B.C.E. the Romans merge several Celtic settlements on the Salzach River in the province of Noricum (Austria) into the town of Juvavum (modern-day Salzburg, "Salt Fortress") (modern-day pop. 151K) which receives municipium status in 45 C.E., attracting Jewish settlers.

In 15 B.C. the Roman camp Castra Vetera is founded on the Furstenberg River near modern-day Birten, Germany as a base for campaigns into Germania, housing 8K-10K legionaries; it is destroyed in 70 C.E.

In 15 B.C.E. Bauzanum (modern-day Bolzano) (modern-day pop. 106K) in Tyrol (Tirol) 35 mi. N of Trent and 58 mi. S of the Brenner Pass at the junction of the Talavera and Isarco Rivers (near the Adige River) (later the crossroads of the Brenner Route to Germany and the Adige Valley Route to Switzerland) is settled by the Romans under Nero Claudius Drusus.

In 15 B.C.E. the town of Zurich (Zürich) in NC Switzerland (modern-day pop. 403K) at the NW tip of Lake Zurich is founded by the Romans as the customs station of Turicum around the Lindenhof Hill.

In 14 B.C.E. Pannonia (modern-day Hungary W of the Danube) becomes a Roman province, although it takes until -9 to finish subduing it.

In 14 B.C.E. Roman gen. Druses builds a fort in modern-day Wurms (Worms) (modern-day pop. 82K) (originally Celt. "Borbetomagus" = settlement in a water area, which is transformed into Lat. Wormatia, after Ger. "wurm" = dragon) on the left bank of the Upper Rhine River on the Wonnegau Plain (40 mi. SSW of Mainz) in modern-day Rhineland-Palatinate, Germany, which started out as a Celtic town then became the capital of the German Vangiones.

In 13 B.C.E. Publius Quinctilius Varus (-46 to 9) becomes a Roman consul, and later succeeds Saturninus as gov. of Syria.

In 13 B.C.E. Marcus Agrippa receives imperium maius, making him virtual co-emperor, then campaigns in the new province of Pannonia, where he becomes ill.

In 13 B.C.E. the Theater of Balbus in Rome is built by proconsul Lucius Cornelius Balbus Minor; excavated in 1981.

In 13 B.C.E. the Theater of Marcellus (Augustus) in Rome is built by Marcus Marcellus, and inaugurated next year by Augustus, becoming the largest and most popular in Rome, with a cap. of 11K-20K, becoming the first bldg. in Rome using fired Roman brick.

In 12 B.C.E. Roman consuls: Publius Sulpicius Quirinus and Marcus Valerius Messala Barbatus (Chronographus Anni CCCLIIII); Publius Sulpicius Quirinius (-51 to -21) becomes Roman consul; "(He) sprang from the municipality of Lanuvium, had no connections, but as an intrepid soldier and an active servant he won a consulate under the deified Augustus, and, a little later, by capturing the Homonadensian strongholds beyond the Cilician frontier, earned the insignia of triumph... adviser to Gaius Caesar during his command in Armenia" (Tacitus, Annals, III, XLVIII). Halley's comet is visible in the sky this year, which is taken as an omen, and on Mar. 6 Augustus becomes Pontifex Maximus (Number One Bridge-Builder to the Gods or Heaven), the religious head of state (as well as a god himself). Roman armies led by Augustus' stepson Nero Claudius Drusus I Major (the Elder) (-38 to -9) cross the Rhine River, conquering Vindelicia, Raetia, and Noricum, and extending Roman territory. Marcus Agrippa dies in Campania, leaving Augustus' daughter Julia up for grabs to some lucky future emperor. Herod takes his sons Alexander, Aristobulus, and Antipater to Rome to seek Augustus' help in resolving family tensions, but it doesn't work.

Hello boss, sign me up? In 11 B.C.E. to position him in line for the purple, Augustus forces his stepson Tiberius Claudius Nero (Tiberius) (brother of Nero Claudius Drusus Major) (both sons of Augustus' wife Livia Drusilla by her 1st husband Tiberius Claudius Nero) to divorce his 1st wife Vipsania Agrippina Major (d. 20) (mother of his son Nero Claudius Drusus the Younger) and marry his own daughter (Marcus Agrippa's widow) Julia (her 3rd marriage).

In 11 B.C.E. Nero Claudius Drusus Major has the Castellum Bingen at the confluence of the Nahe and Rhine Rivers built over the former Celtic settlement of Binge ("rift") as part of the left bank Rhine Riber border fortifications.

In 10 B.C.E. Bonn in modern-day North Rhine-Westphalia (modern pop. 320K/11M) (named after the Eburoni tribal coalition of Gaul, where the Romans settled members of the Germanic Ubii tribe) is founded on the Rhine River by Roman gen. Nero Claudius Drusus Major.

In 9 B.C.E. Obodas III is poisoned, and Aretas (Aeneas) IV Philopatris ("friend of the people") (d. 40) becomes king of the Nabataeans (until 40), with his capital at Petra; he is hesitantly recognized by Roman emperor Augustus, and furnishes a large army to Gen. Varus for his expedition against the Jews in -4.

In 9 B.C.E. the city of Antipatris (10 mi. NE of Joppa) on the N-S road on the Plains of Sharon (named after his father) is rebuilt by Herod I the Great. Roman gen. and consul Nero Claudius Drusus (b. -38) dies after conquering Pannonia and extending Roman conquests from the Rhine to the Elbe River, and is replaced by Tiberius, who campaigns in Germany until 7 C.E.; meanwhile in -6 the Tropaeum Alpium, a monument to the Germanic conquests is built in La Turbie N of Monaco.

On Mar. 13, 4 B.C.E. Jewish rabble-rousers Judas and Mathias are burned alive for protesting the placement of the golden eagle at the entrance to the Jehovah-less Temple of Jerusalem.

On Apr. 7, 4 B.C.E. Jewish proxy king of the Roman-occupied Holy Land (since -39) Herod I the Great (b. -73) has his eldest son Antipater (b. -45) (son of Doris) executed (3rd son he kills) after Augustus refuses to intervene, then dies five days later on Shebat 2 (Apr. 12) in Jericho after suffering "an intolerable itching of the whole skin, continuous pains in the intestines, tumors in the feet as in dropsy, inflammation of the abdomen and gangrene of the private parts, engendering worms, in addition to asthma, with great difficulty in breathing, and convulsions in all his limbs" (Josephus), and is buried in his fortified winter palace and mausoleum in Herodium 7 mi. S of Jerusalem (near modern-day Zatara); in 2007 C.E. an archeological expedition led by Ehud Netzer (1934-2010) of Hebrew U. uncovers the tomb and ornate sarcophagus, but no bones; his Roman-educated sons wait in the wings while he orders the leaders of the Jewish nation burned alive in the Hippodrome in Jericho on his death so that the Jews will weep at his own funeral (Herod's sister Salome and her husband Alexas get the order countermanded?); his penultimate will names Antipas as his heir, but shortly before his death he makes a final will naming Archelaus (Matthew 2:22), causing Augustus to constitute him an ethnarch and divide the territory, with half going to Archelaus and half to be split by Antipas and Philip; Herod Archelaus (b. -23) becomes ethnarch of Samaria, Judea and Idumea (deposed in 6 C.E.); Herod Antipas (b. -21) becomes tetrarch of Galilee (home of Jesus Christ) and Perea (E bank of the Jordan) (home of John the Baptist) (deposed in 38 C.E.); Herod Philip (-20 to 34) becomes tetrarch (ruler of a fourth) of modern-day SW Syria and the Golan Heights (Gaulanitis, Batanea, Trachonitis, Autanitis, portions of Iturea and Hulitis) (all largely non-Jewish); Herod's sister Salome is given control of Phaselis, Yavneh (Jamnia), and Ashdod (Azotus); daddy's favorite Archelaus immediately proves to be a good choice for him as he orders 3K Jews killed on Easter for trying to get him to rehabilitate Judas and Mathias.

In 4 B.C.E. Judean Jewish prophet (of voice crying in the wilderness eating locust and honey fame) (St.) John the Baptist (Baptizer) (d. 32 C.E.) is born; according to the Gospels he is born 6 mo. before Jesus - so what's this I hear about you're fall and I'm spring? In 4 B.C.E. Judean Christian Messiah Jesus Christ of Nazareth (Joshua or Yehoshuah bar Joseph) (d. 33) is born in Bethlehem; son of the Virgin Mary and Joseph (a carpenter or stoneworker), both of the House of David; don't ask about the In-Vitro Fertilization Technique used?; the official Roman Catholic Church position is Dec. 25, although the shepherds are in the fields with the flocks at the time, and hence it would more likely be spring or summer, which might make John the Baptist the real Dec. baby?

In 8 C.E. Augustus arrests the husband of his granddaughter Julia for conspiring against him, then banishes her for adultery; popular, in-demand, libidinous Roman poet Ovid (-43 to 17) gives some offense to the family of Augustus (screws around with his wife Livia?) (leaks the scandal involving Julia?) and is banished to Tomi (modern-day Constanta, Romania) on the Euxine (Black Sea) coast near the mouth of the Danube River, where he is miserable; he later gives the excuse that it was all due to the pub. of his X-rated poem "Ars Amatoria" 6 years earlier, and he spends the rest of his life trying to get repatriated (although he never loses his citizenship), writing Tristia (5 vols.) (blam-blamming to Augustus about giving him a 2nd chance), Epistulae ex Ponto (more of the same), Ibis (a poison pen letter), and Halieutica (Fishmongerwatch) (about the terrible fish); this year he pub. Metamorphoses (Book of Transformations) (15 vols.), his magnum opus; a compendium of all transformations recorded in mythology from Creation to the apotheosis of Julius Caesar, ending with his change into a star; "In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas corpora (I will tell about changed forms in new bodies); first English trans. pub. by William Caxton in 1480; Book 4 tells the story of Babylonian lovers Pyramus and Thisbe, who arrange to meet at the tomb of Ninus, but Thisbe gets there too soon, is startled by a lioness who just killed an ox, leaving her veil covered in the ox's blood, and when Pyramus arrives he thinks you know what and kills himself under a mulberry tree, followed by Thisbe when she returns, all of which explains why the mulberry fruit is no longer white but dark red; Book 6 tells the story of Procne and Philomela, about Athenian princess Philomela, daughter of King Pandion and sister of Procne, who is raped by Procne's husband King Tereus of Thrace (Daulis in Phocis?), then de-tongued to keep her quiet, but gets the message out by weaving words in the fabric of a robe, causing Procne to kill her son (by Tereus) Itys (Itylos) and serve it to Tereus, after which all three get changed into birds, Philomena into a nightingale, Procne into a swallow, and Tereus into a hawk (hoopoe); Book 8 tells the story of the Minotaur, and Daedalus and Icarus, about the maker of the Labyrinth in Crete, who is shut in a tower by King Minos of Crete to keep his knowledge from spreading, causing him to make wings for himself and his young son Icarus, who flies too high, causing the wax to melt, and drowns in the sea near Icaria; Book 12 tells the story of the Fall of Troy.

Germany's founding battle? The original Dortmund Pocket and the genesis of the myth of German superiority? In 9 C.E. Germanic (Cherusci) chief Arminius (Hermann) (OG "army man") (-17 to 21), who served in the Roman army from 1-6 C.E., obtained Roman citizenship and a knowledge of Roman military tactics, becoming an equitae ("sir"), and returned home in 7 C.E. to find his people being oppressed by haughty Roman gov. (legate) Publius Quinctilius Varus (b. -46) gets pissed-off and organizes a revolt, throwing Varus off-guard by letting him think that Germania is already a Roman province and he is their gov., feeding him with lawsuits to settle to prove his wisdom, then playing him for a suckah and leading Gorgeous W. Bush, er, Varus and his three legions (20K men) (15% of the entire Roman army) into a trap, where his unarmored warriors outthink, outwit, outlast, and massacre them in the 3-day Battle of Teutoburg (Teutoburger) Forest (Wald) in modern-day Kalkriese near Cologne in modern-day North Rhine-Westphalia, West Germany, N of Colonia Agrippina and Mainz; the battle is not fought in the forest but out in the open, with the Romans trapped between the hills and bogs; the Germans commit atrocities against the loser Romans incl. nailing their heads to trees, cutting the throats of officers on pagan altars, and cutting out tongues and sewing up the mouths; the big V temporarily unites chieftains from modern-day Holland to Poland against Rome; Varus' head is sent back as a present; according to Tacitus, Varus attributes the valor of the Germans to their copious use of beer; the news causes panic in Italy, and Augustus goes apeshit, wandering around his palace for months crying "Varus, give me back my legions", and begins to decline into an old fart, ordering the Rhine River to become the permanent border between the Romans and the Germans, while Tiberius is transferred to the Rhine frontier to try to plug the dyke; all hopes of a new N frontier for the Roman empire are abandoned, and the Romans go permanently on the defensive, creating a permanent division between N and S Europe, allowing the Germans to develop a strong nat. consciousness and breed hordes of Roman killers on their own timetable to exploit the fatal mistake of lack of noive that ultimately dooms the supposedly merciless Romans, who fall in 476 C.E.; this fatal decision outlasted the Roman Empire, forever splitting Europe into the German-speaking north and the Latin-speaking south, which was a big reason for the Protestant Reformation, and even carried over into America; people still can't overcome it today?

On Aug. 24, 79 C.E. (Nov. 3-23) (lunchtime) an earthquake is caused by Mt. Vesuvius on the Bay of Naples, causing most people in Pompeii to flee to late, with only 2K of 20K not getting buried in 20 ft. of lava, going on to destroy the other wealthy Roman seaside summer resort cities of Stabiae, Oplontis, and Herculaneum with volcanic ash, killing 20K; Pliny the Elder (b. 23) is a victim, and his nephew Pliny the Younger writes an eyewitness account to Tacitus; it erupts over 50x more by the year 2000; the next big one is in 1631; Herculaneum is rediscovered in 1706, and excavations start in 1738; Pompeii is rediscovered in 1748; hundreds of bodies of victims who died at the seashore in Herculaneum are discovered in 1980; the Jews believe that the eruptions are retribution from Jehovah for detroying his temple in 70?; archeologists examining the site find that the Romans had perfect teeth caused by their sugar-free Mediterranean diets?, although the water pipes carried toxic antimony; ink in papyri discovered in Pompeii contains lead.