Ottoman Sultan Osman I (1259-1326) Ottoman Sultan Murad I (1326-89) Ottoman Sultan Beyazid I (1360-1403) Ottoman Sultan Mehmed I the Restorer (1389-1421) Ottoman Sultan Murad II (1403-51) Ottoman Sultan Mehmed (Mehmet) II the Conqueror (1432-81) Ottoman Sultan Beyazid (Bajazet) II (1447-1512) Ottoman Sultan Selim I the Grim (1465-1520) Ottoman Sultan Suleiman I the Magnificent (1494-1566)

A Quick History of the Ottoman Sultans

By T.L. Winslow (TLW), the Historyscoper™

© Copyright by T.L. Winslow. All Rights Reserved.

Last Update: Dec. 21, 2016.

Ottoman Sultan Selim II the Sot (1524-74) Ottoman Sultan Ahmed I (1589-1617) Ottoman Sultan Mad Mustafa I (1591-1639) Ottoman Sultan Osman II (1604-22) Ottoman Sultan Murad IV (1612-40) Ottoman Sultan Abdul Mecid I (1823-70) Ottoman Sultan Mehmed V (1844-1918) Ottoman Sultan Mehmed VI (1861-1926) Ottoman Sultan Abdul Mejid II (1868-1944)


Westerners are not only known as history ignoramuses, but double dumbass history ignoramuses when it comes to the Ottoman sultans. Since I'm the one-and-only Historyscoper (tm), let me quickly bring you up to speed before you dive into my Historyscopes.

Nowadays Westerners are blissfully ignorant of the horrible Muslim Ottoman Empire that tried to take over the rest of the world by force for Allah for 600 years until it was defanged and decapitated in the 1920s. Too bad, the West wasn't smart enough to ensure that it would never rise again, and it is daily showing signs, they already got Kemal Ataturk's secular govt. on the ropes, have turned on Israel and are playing footsie with the U.S., have a large fifth column in Jew-hating Germany, and if they ever get nukes it will be Radioactive Turkish Delight. Hence, a quick review of the Ottoman sultans is in order as a mandatory wakeup call hopefully to avoid deja vu.

Name of Muhammad

It all started with an Arab dude out to do some last minute Christmas shopping named Muhammad (570-632), that's his name in calligraphic Arabic. That much everybody knows, right? The problem is that he lived 1400 years ago, and a lot has happened since he dropped his atomic bomb on the world, whose effects are still being felt today. For example, as recently as Jan. 7, 2010 one of his true believers Adis Medunjanin (1984-) uttered the soundbyte "We love death more than you love life" before crashing his car trying to escape from U.S. federal agents in Queens, N.Y. Speaking of loving death, as many as 270 million nonbelievers have been killed by Islam in the last 1400 years, incl. 120M Africans, 60M Christians, 80M Hindus, and 10M Buddhists. What's really sick is that true Muslims believe that all their victims are burning in Allah's Hell, and would love you to join them. Wanna know why? Read on. Spoiler: Islam is one of the most complex subjects you'll ever study, but the funny part is that you knew all you needed going in, namely, that it's the world's most intolerant and supremacist ideology, whose idol Allah commands true believers to conquer the world for him and enslave or rule any remaining infidels, and all options are on the table, all the way up to suicide attacks. It's part of Islam's con game that they make it seem so complicated to dazzle you while they set you up, like the way a snake charms a mouse before eating it. But of course you don't want to take my word for it, so I've taken great pains to lay it all out to take away the last residual doubt in my free Islam History Course.

The Turks started out as a bunch of polytheist polygamous tribes in Asia, who overpopulated and began moving in all directions, and inevitably bumped up against the madass Muslim Arabs. In 740 in response to forcing them to convert to Islam, and the evacuation of their territory by the Muslims to quell rebellions in Syria et al., the pagan polytheist polygamous Turkic Khazars (Hazaras Turks) (descendants of the Huns?) in the N Caucasus convert to Judaism (at least their leaders, the rest following by 840), and withdraw beyond the Caucasus, going on to expand from the Caspian Sea to the Dnieper River, and as far S as the Black Sea, causing the Slavic tribes to turn to the Scandinavian Varangians (Vikings) (Rus) (proto-Russians) to the N for trade; because of them many modern Jews have hooked noses and speak Yiddish?

Other Turks stayed Muslim, the worst being the Osmonds, er, Ottomans.

In 985 Khazar army officer Seljuk (Seljuq) (-1038), son of Duqat Timuryaligh ("of the iron bow") splits his Turkish clan off from the Tokuz-Oghuz (Tokuz-Ghuzz) confederacy of nine clans between the Aral and Caspian Seas, and sets up on the right bank of the lower Syr Darya (Jaxartes) River near Kzyl Orda in modern-day SC Kazakhstan, converting to Sunni Islam. In 1037 the Persianized Turkish Sunni Muslim Seljuk (Seljuq) Empire (ends 1307) is founded by Oghuz Turk (Qynyq branch) chieftain Tugrul (Toghril) Beg (990-1063), son of Seljuk.

In Dec. 1055 Muslim Turkish nomad Seljuk leader #2 Tughrul moves W and takes Baghdad, then frees the Abbasid caliph from the Shiite Buyid (Buwayhid) Dynasty (founded 934), which becomes kaput, causing the caliph to recognize him as sultan, after which the Turks become the "men of the sword" (official protectors of Sunni Islam), partnering with the Persians and Arabs, who become "men of the law"; the Seljuks hold Baghdad until 1258; meanwhile they plan on moving farther W by contracting the Byzantines.

In 1077 Suleiman I ibn Qutulmish (Kutalmish) (-1082) founds the Seljuk Turkish Sunni Muslim Sultanate of Rum in Anatolia (Asia Minor) (modern-day Turkey) (ends 1307), named after Rome, since the Muslims called the Byzantines Romans and they were moving into their territory; the capital moves around between Iznik (until 1097), Konya, Kayseri, and Sivas; they eventually control most of C and W Anatolia, incl. the Analya-Alanya shoreline in S Anatolia on the Mediterrean coast and the territory of Sinop in N Anatolia on the Black Sea.

Ottoman Sultan Osman I (1258-1326)

In 1297 the Seljuk Turks under bey (since 1280) Osman (Osmanli) (Othman) I Gazi ben Ertugrul (Kara) (the Black) (El-Bazi) (1258-1326) (black meaning he attained the highest degree of manly beauty, and Osman meaning bone-breaker), whose father Ertugrul (-1280) was leader of the Turkic Kayi tribe, who fled from the Mongols W from C Asia to W Anatolia and pledged alliance to Seljuk Sultan Kayqubad I in return for a beylik overrun Bithynia on the S shores of the Black Sea, but cannot conquer all of the fortified cities. Come fly with me, we'll fly away? On July 27, 1299 Osman I declares independence from the Seljuk Turks, becoming sultan #1 of the Sunni Muslim Ottoman Empire, which lasts until Mar. 3, 1924, calling himself bey not sultan; he is crowned by his blueblood Arab Banu Tamim father-in-law Sheikh Edebali (Baliseyh) (1258-1326) (who converted him to Islam?) with the Sword of Osman (Taklide-Seif), which becomes a custom, proclaiming them as warriors of Allah; he shows how Muslim he is by murdering his uncle at a council for opposing the forceful conquest of surrounding tribes; "If then such murderous slaughter of their kindred be reckoned by the panegyrists of Osmanlis among their praiseworthy acts, what are we to think of those which cannot be praised, and of which their history is therefore silent" (Edward Gibbon); since Ottoman sultans end up going on jihad virtually half of their careers, and have to guard the empire the rest of the time, they eventually decide to skip the Hajj. On July 27, 1302 Osman I defeats 2K Byzantines under Hetaereiarch Muzalon at the Battle of Baphaeon (Bapheus) on the SE shores of the Sea of Marmara outside Nicomedia near Nicaea (Iznik), then captures and renames Yenisheheer (Yenishehir) ("New City") in Thessaly between Nicaea and Brusa, making it the capital of his new empire; the Byzantines take his name as Othman and call his followers Ottomans; he begins steadily expanding his territory in Bithynia, but the fortified Byzantine cities prove too much for his light arms, and all he can capture are the smaller forts? In 1315 he takes Sardis.

Ottoman Sultan Orkhan I (1281-1362)

Early in 1326 after leaving a testament beginning with "Son, be careful about the religious issues before all other duties. Religious precepts build a strong state", Osman I (b. 1258) dies while sieging Constantinople after being pinned by an arrow to a log and crushed by an elephant, and his son Orkhan (Orhan) I (1281-1362) succeeds him as sultan #2 of the Ottoman Empire (until 1359), killing the elephant with a broken blade and making a stew out of it, becoming the first to use the title of sultan, continuing his daddy's program of expanding Ottoman holdings in Anatolia and gaining a foothold in Europe; on Apr. 6 after a 9-year siege he captures the Bithynian city of Bursa (Brusa) (Broussa) from the Byzantines, making it the new Ottoman capital and staging ground for the conquest of Constantinople, striking the first Ottoman coins, with his new title of sultan on them; thanks to the example set by Muhammad, the Ottoman sultans become some of the most warlike in history, ultimately taking the big jewel of Constantinople in 1453.

In 1330 Ottoman ruler Orkhan creates the Janissaries (Janizaries) (Yenicheri) ("new troops"), based on Devshirme, the practice of taking Christian boy captives aged 7-20, indoctrinating them into Islam, and training them as soldiers fighting for Islam (ends 1826); under Bayezid I the Christian converts become the sultan's loyal elite; the Janissaries eventually adopt the Bektashi Sufi Sunni-Shiite-Christian combo order; they are starved for sex, not necessarily with women but with boys, and only allowed it after capturing a Christian village, with a 3-day pass for rape and pillage? - hi, I'm Joseph you're Mary, no virgin birth this time?

In Mar. 1354 after an earthquake causes the pop. to evacuate it, the Ottomans seize and fortify Gallipoli (Callipolis), the last Byzantine possession in Anatolia (until 1366), and first cross the Hellespont (Dardanelles) into Europe, raiding N into Thrace, the news causing a panic at the disco in Constantinople. On Dec. 15, 1355 after the Ottomans isolate Constantinople from Europe, Byzantine emperor John V Palaeologus, after consultation with Roman Catholic archbishop Paulus of Smyrna signs a golden bull promising to secure the obedience of the Greek Orthodox Church to the Holy See in Avignon in return for military aid in the form of five galleys, 15 transports, 500 horse and 1K infantry for 6 mo., during which time he will make Latin Catholicism the official Byzantine religion, start bldg. a palace and church for a papal legate, and establish three Latin colleges for the promotion of Latin culture and language they da boss now, Roman emperor Constantine was right all along?); meanwhile on Dec. 20 Serbian czar (hero king) Stephen Dushan (Stefan Uros IV Dushan) (b. 1308) dies while marching on Constantinople, which is both good and bad, as it takes care of an enemy while making Constantinople's situation worse as his empire disintegrates and can't stop Ottoman expansion either; meanwhile Pope Innocent VI sends the Hospitallers a scorching letter about their shameful laziness and luxury and failure to take on the pesky Turks, threatening to take their resources "rusting in Rhodes" and give them to a new military order if they don't show good faith by moving their convent to mainland Anatolia.

Ottoman Sultan Murad I (1326-89)

In 1359 sultan (since 1326) Orhan I (b. 1284) dies, and his half-Greek son Murad (Amurath) (the Godlike) I (1326-89) becomes Ottoman sultan #3 (until 1389), going on to expand into Thrace, Macedonia, Bulgaria, and Serbia, establishing the core of the Ottoman Empire in Europe (Rumelia) based on tributary vassals, while Louis I the Great of Hungary counters with the Banats, border districts S of the Danube and Sava Rivers; Murad I becomes the first to take the title of Sultan of the Ghazis (warriors of the faith).

Battle of Kosovo Field (Blackbirds), June 23, 1389 Ottoman Sultan Beyazid I (1360-1403) Stefan Lazarevic of Serbia (1374-1427) John of Palisna (-1391) Pope Boniface IX (-1404)

Ser-bi-a, and so are we, bye bye blackbird? On June 15, 1389 (June 28 New Style) (St. Vitus' Day) the Battle of Kosovo Field (Field of the Blackbirds) (First Battle of Kosovo) sees 27K-40K Muslim Turks under sultan (since 1359) Murad I (b. 1326) defeat 12K-30K Orthodox Christian Serbs under Prince Lazar allied with a Bosnian force of 5K-10 under Vuk Brankovic (1345-97), and another 5K-10K under his son Vlatko Vukovic Kosaca, Grand Duke of Hum (-1392) , both sent by Bosnian king Tvrtko I, along with a continent of Knights Hospitallers led by Croatian knight John of Palisna (-1389) from Vrana, incl. several thousand cavalry, becoming the first Ottoman V against a major European allied army, establishing Turkish rule S of the Danube until 1913; Lazar is captured in battle and killed; on June 16 Murad I is killed in his tent, allegedly by a Serb posing as a deserter, although it's more probable that he dies in battle, becoming the only Ottoman sultan to die in battle; Murad I is succeeded by his partly-Greek son Beyazid (Beyezid) (Bajazet) I (Yildirim) (the Thunderbolt) (1360-1403) as Ottoman sultan #4 (until 1403), beginning the conquest of W and C Anatolia (Saruhan, Aydin, Menteshe, Hamideli, Germiyan, E Karaman) (1389-90); Prince Lazar's son Stefan Lazarevic (1374-1427) becomes ruler of Ottoman vassal Serbia, with his mother princess Milica ("gracious") Hrebeljanovic (-1405) as regent; his sister Princess Olivera Despina marries sultan Bayezid I; Stefan goes on to modernize Serbia, introducing modern battle tactics, knight tournaments, and firearms; some Serbs hold out in the mountainous Montenegro (It. "black mountain") (Serb. "Crna Gora") region of the province of Zeta between Yugoslavia and Albania, named after 5,771-ft. Mt. Lovcen ("black mountain"), which becomes an independent principality (until 1910); the Germiyan Turkoman principality in W Anatolia (founded 1283) is annexed by the Ottomans (1389-90), along with the Aydin principality in W Anatolia (founded 1308) and the Saruhan principality in W Anatolia (founded 1313); Murad I begins the large-scale practice of Devshirme (Devsirme), the levying of Christian children for conversion to Islam and work in the Janissaries, palace, and admin.; from henceforth all Turkish sultans are sons of concubines - if not bitches?

On Mar. 8, 1403 caged sultan (since 1389) Beyazid I the Thunderbolt (b. 1347) commits suicide in Askehir, Turkey, and the Ottoman Interregnum (Triumvirate) begins (ends 1413), as three of his six sons recognize Tamerlane's suzerainty and are installed as local rulers: Suleyman Celebi ("gentleman") (-1419) (eldest son) in N Greece, Bulgaria and Thrace (capital Edirne), Mehmed I Celebi (1389-1421) in Amasya (capital Bursa), and Isa Celebi in Greece and W Anatolia (until 1404); meanwhile remaining sons Musa Celebi (-1413), Kasim, and Mustafa (-1401) are waiting in the wings; after Tamerlane dies in 1405, the brothers begin a battle for sole control of the Ottoman Empire (winner: Mehmed I).

Ottoman Sultan Mehmed I the Restorer (1389-1421)

In 1413 Beyazid I's son Mehmed (Mehmet) I (the Restorer) (Celebi) (1389-1421) defeats and kills his brother Musa outside Constantinople, and emerges as Ottoman sultan #5 (until 1421), setting about restoring Ottoman strength after the Tamerlane era.

Ottoman Sultan Murad II (1403-51)

On May 26, 1421 sultan (since 1413) Mehmed I the Restorer (b. 1389) dies, and his son Murad II (1403-51) succeeds him as Ottoman sultan #6 (until 1444), returning the Ottoman Empire to the old imperial expansion mode while restoring the recruitment of slaves (devshirme) to counter the political power of Turkish nobles, and basing the Janissary infantry on them.

Ottoman Sultan Mehmed (Mehmet) II the Conqueror (1432-81) John (Janos) Hunyadi of Hungary (1387-1456)

On June 12, 1444 Vladislaus (Wladyslaw) III of Poland-Hungary signs a 10-year truce with Sultan (since 1421) Murad II in Adrianople, restoring the kingdom of Serbia in return for recognizing Ottoman suzerainty in Bulgaria and Wallachia, then reneges when a Crusader army organized by the pope, Hungary, and Venice arrives from Venice on Aug. 4 and joins their crusade into Bulgaria, hoping to kick the Turks out of Europe; in Aug. Murad II concludes a peace treaty with the principality of Karaman, freeing him from his main adversary in the E so that he can kick Crusader butt in the west; in Aug. Murad II resigns and retires to Bursa in favor of his 12-y.-o. son Mehmed (Mehmet) (Mohammed) II (the Conqueror) (1432-81), who becomes Ottoman sultan #7, but the Janissaries don't cotton to him and want his daddy to return, which he does in May 1446; meanwhile, when he hears about the approaching Crusaders, daddy returns from retirement, and on Nov. 10 his forces varnish the sorry-ass Wallachians, the Poles under still green 20-y.-o. Vladislaus III (b. 1424), and the Hungarians under John (Janos) Hunyadi "the White Knight" (1387-1456) at the Battle of Varna; Vladislaus III (b. 1424) is KIA, causing him to become known as Vladislaus III of Varna, leaving no wife or kids, causing a 3-year interregnum in Poland, while in Hungary his kiddie former rival Ladislaus Posthumus is elected king by the Hungarian nobles, who send a deputation to Vienna to ask Duke Frederick V for his release, which he refuses, causing the appointment of John Hunyadi as his regent in Hungary (until 1452) and George of Podebrady as his regent in Bohemia; Vlad II Dracul gives his sons Mircea I, Radu the Handsome, and Vlad III to the sultan as hostages (until 1447); the overwhelming V ends the Crusade promised by the West after the Act of Union in 1439, and frees the Turks to conquer E Europe for decades.

On Feb. 3, 1451 sultan (since 1421, except 1444-6) Murad II (b. 1404) dies, and on Feb. 18 19-y.-o. Mehmed (Mohammed) II (the Conqueror) (1432-81) reascends the throne as Ottoman sultan #7 (until 1481), swearing on the Quran to the Byzantine embassy that he will respect their territorial integrity; having a lot to prove, he vigorously expands the family domain in Europe and Anatolia, earning the title of Conqueror (Fatih); remembering how the nobles kept him down, he works to centralize the state and make himself absolute ruler, confiscating property of leading Turkish families, promoting his devshirme (slave) elite, establishing the office of grand vizier, and becoming the first Ottoman ruler to codify state legislation in two major codes (kanunnames); too bad, sin is in, and he spends too much, debases the currency, increases taxes and causes economic discontent?

Constantine XI Palaeologus (1404-53) Fall of Constantinople, 1453 Fall of Constantinople, 1453 Fall of Constantinople, 1453 Fall of Constantinople, 1453 Conrad Paumann (1410-73)

On Apr. 6, 1453 after assembling in Jan. on the plains of Adrianople and then reducing every city in their way, 150K Muslims, Janissaries, and Dervishes (incl. some Christians who wanted to get in on the loot) under 21-y.-o. whodya-wanna-call Ottoman Sultan (since 1451) Mehmed (Mehmet) (Mohammed) II (the Conqueror) (1432-81), the Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden of the 15th cent. begin the 54-day Final Siege of Constantinople (founded 330 C.E.), defended by 7K Christian knights; the sultan does the traditional Islamic thing of offering the emperor a chance to surrender in exchange for their lives, but he refuses, preferring to fight rather than switch, after which the artillery immediately begins bombarding the city with 70 cannons, incl. a 27-ft.-long 762m (30 in.) 35-ton bronze Shock'em Allah called the Great Turkish Bombard (Dardanalles Gun) (Basilic) (Sahi) (Muhammad's Gun) (designed by Hungarian engineer Urban), which lobs 1.2K-lb. balls up to 1 mi. at the key St. Romanus Gate; on Apr. 12 the 200-ship Ottoman fleet under Bulgarian renegade adm. Suleiman Baltoghlu arrives from Gallipoli, sealing the city off by sea completely; on Apr. 18 (night) the first assault by thousands of mad mullahs is repelled; on Apr. 20 (morning) four large vessels loaded with provisions (four Genoese and one Greek) arrive, and the lame Ottoman fleet fights them all day but fails to stop them from entering the city, pissing-off the sultan, who orders adm. Baltoghlu executed and replaced by Hamza Bey, then has half of his ships pulled on wooden platforms along a greased log roadway he previously constructed by the neutral Genoese colony of Pera across from Constantinople, then launched in the Golden Horn; Muslim assaults on May 7 and May 12 are repelled; by mid-May the Venetian Senate is still debating whether to send aid, and on May 23 a fast ship sent out in early May to greet the expected fleet returns with bad news; on May 22 a lunar eclipse freaks the superstitious Christians, who believe a prophesy that the city can't be taken under a full moon; on May 23 a thunderstorm freaks them more, followed by a strange ghost light surrounding the dome of the Hagia Sophia, which they interpret as the Holy Ghost abandoning it, which doesn't stop hundreds of refugees from crowding in; a captured Muslim engineer is made to talk and give info. allowing the Christians to locate and destroy the Muslim tunnels, buying time; on May 25 the sultan's advisers tell him to raise the siege before the Euros arrive and get them surrounded, but they don't call him the Conqueror for nothing, so he plans an all-out final assault; on May 28 the doomed Christians, sensing the end stage a holy procession, holding the last Christian service in Hagia Sophia, reconciling themselves to dying for their faith; on May 28-29 (Mon.-Tues.) at midnight the final siege begins; although the Christians repel wave after wave, things go bad when their cmdr. Giovanni Giustianini Longo gets wounded, and instead of standing his post orders that he be taken back through the gates to the city, causing the rest of the Genoese to think the gate has been breached, causing them to rush back to it, leaving the emperor and his Greek troops to face the Janissaries alone, after which they are KIA; after the 60-ft.-wide 20-ft.-deep moat and three sets of walls and towers (the inner two walls having 96 towers each) are breached, the city surrenders, after which the Allahu Akbars rape and massacre the helpless don't-say-dhimmi pop., chaining the rest to sell them into slavery (lucky non-white infidel beasts get to do unspeakable things to our white Christian wimmen, incl. gasp, nuns, and after 9/11, we're next?), leaving only 50K after being stopped after 24 hours by Mehmed II, who weeps after viewing the destruction, and utters the immortal soundbyte: "What a city we have given over to plunder and destruction", then awards himself the title of Caesar; Greek-born ecumenical Cardinal Isidore of Kiev (1385-1463) dresses a corpse up in his robes and watches the Turks cut off its head and parade it through the streets, then manages to get shipped to Asia Minor as a slave, later buying his freedom and returning to Rome, adopting the Latin Rite and becoming bishop of Sabina, and later Latin patriarch of Constantinople and archbishop of Cyprus sans jurisdiction, later making the mistake of returning to Moscow and holding a Latin Rite, which gets him imprisoned again; a legion of Cretans manning three towers near the entrance to the Golden Horde holds out and are given safe passage; the Ottoman sailors abandon their ships to rush into the city and get their share, allowing several Christian ships loaded with refugees to escape, incl. Giustianini, who dies a few days later in Chios; after the sultan heads into the city straight to it and personally breaks the altar, Hagia Sophia is turned into a mosque, and the Christian icons plastered over; last Byzantine emperor (since 1448) Constantine XI Palaeologus (Palaiologis) (b. 1405) dies defending the walls, and they stick his head on a pike; on Sept. 30 with infallible timing Pope Nicholas V issues a call for a new Crusade (first time the printing press is used to issue papal appeals?); the loss of Constantinople solidifies Europe around Rome, removing the age-old obstacle to uniting it religiously, while an Islamic prophesy makes the Muslims believe they will conquer Rome next; a major drive to repopulate Istanbul (Turk. "in the city or downtown") (Gr. "eis ten polin" = "into the city") begins, with the 60-alleyway Grand Bazaar (largest enclosed market in the world) built in 1455-61, turning it into the showpiece of the Middle East, with 400K pop. before 1800, about 45% Christian and Jewish; the Muslim Turks are now on the frontier of Germany, and put Venice on the defensive over her eastern colonies for the next 250 years; the Muslims set up a paper mill in Constantinople - how long until a Turk founds Atlantic Records and catapults Ray Charles and the Rolling Stones to stardom?

Ottoman Sultan Beyazid (Bajazet) II (1447-1512)

On May 3, 1481 sultan (since 1451) Mehmed II the Conqueror (b. 1432) dies suddenly, and is succeeded on May 3 by his son Bayezid (Bajazet) II (1447-1512), who becomes Ottoman sultan #8 (until 1512); on er, Sept. 11 the Ottoman forces in the Otranto Strait between Albania and Italy surrender to the Christian Aragonese, leaving the Ottoman Empire in disorder while Bayezid II enters a rebuilding period and tries to free himself of the Janissaries, and fights his younger brother Jem (-1495), who declares himself sultan of Anatolia, but gets his butt kicked on June 20 near Yenishehir.

Ottoman Sultan Selim I the Grim (1470-1520)

On Apr. 25, 1512 sultan (since 1481) Bayezid II (b. 1447) is forced to abdicate by his Janissaries backed by his tall strong scheming son Selim I (Arab. "peace") (the Grim) (Yavuz) (1470-1520), who on May 26 becomes Ottoman sultan #9 (until Sept. 22, 1520) after quashing a rebellion of his brothers and nephews in Anatalia and having them strangled and shipped to Rancho de Cielo in Nov.; on May 26 Bayezid II dies en route to his hometown of double-walled Dimetoka; Selim I writes poetry under the alias Mahlas Selimi, while his arch-rival Ismail I writes it under the alias Khata'i. In May Bogdan III, aided by Polish troops kicks the Tartars out of Moldavia, then in 1514 sends his chancellor Tautu to negotiate with sultan Selim I, who demands 4K gold coins jizya (tribute) a year, along with a 1-time gift of 40 horses and 40 falcons and other expenses, plus personal assistance leading a 4K-man army in time of war.

Ottoman Sultan Suleiman I the Magnificent (1494-1566)

On Sept. 22, 1520 sultan (since 1512) Selim I the Grim (b. 1465) dies while preparing an expedition against pesky Hospitaler-held Rhodes after expanding the Ottoman Empire from 2.5M sq. km to 6.5M sq. km, leaving a bunch of Turkish and Persian poetry, and a royal treasury filled to the brim and locked with his own seal and the soundbyte: "He who fills the treasury more than this may use his seal to lock it" (no one takes him up until the empire collapses four cents. later?), and his son Suleiman (Suleyman) I (the Magnificent) (the Law Giver) (1494-1566) (known for wearing a giant turban) becomes Ottoman sultan #10 (until 1566). In 1545 he appoints Sunni Hanafi legal scholar Mehmed Ebussuud Efendi (1490-1574) as grand mufti (until 1574), who goes on to reorganize the Ottoman legal system to put it more under Sharia, but with the sultan's orders given higher standing; he issues several fatwas, incl. ones permitting consumption of coffee and allowing the performance of Karagoz (Karagöz) (Turk. "black eye") AKA Hacivat (Turk. "Haci Ivaz" = Ivaz the Pilgrim) (shadow) plays, featuring educated refined Turk Hacivat and vulgar illiterate Greek peasant Karagoz, who always gets the better of him with his "native wit".

Barbarossa II Hayreddin Pasha (1478-1546) Italian Adm. Andrea Dorea (1539-1606)

In Apr. 1534 an 80-ship Ottoman fleet led by Lesbos-born Turkish privateer adm. Barbarossa (Redbeard) II Hayreddin Pasha (1478-1546) recaptures Coron, Patras, and Lepanto from the Spaniards, then crosses the Strait of Messina in July, capturing a large number of ships around Reggio Calabria as well as the Castle of San Lucido, then destroys the port of Cetraro, and in July attacks Campagnia, sacking Capri and Procida and bombarding the ports of Naples; not done yet, in Aug. he attacks Lazio and Gaeta and works his way up the Tiber River, causing the church bells of Rome to sound an alarm; he then turns S, attacks Ponza, Sicily, and Sardinia, then captures Tunis in N Africa in Aug. from Hafsin Sultan Mulei Hassan, who asks HRE Charles V to plan a counterattack; Barbarossa also captures the strategic Tunisian port of La Goulette, and waits for the emperor to bring it on.

In May 1535 after Barbarossa high-tails it out of N Africa to the Tyrrhenian Sea, entrenching himself in Capri and building a fort, a Spanish-Italian force of 300 galleys and 24K soldiers under Adm. Andrea Dorea recaptures Tunis, Bone (Annaba) and Mahdiya, and frees 20K Christian slaves for a giant V for Christ against Muhammad; meanwhile Francesco Maria dies without heirs, and Charles V gains control of Milan, starting yet another war with Francis I of France (ends 1538); meanwhile fidgety Barbarossa raids coastal Algiers and Spain, destroys the ports of Majorca and Minorca, captures several Spanish and Genoese galleys and liberates their Muslim slaves, and in Sept. repulses a Spanish attack on Tlemcen in NW Algeria.

In July 1536 Barbarossa, who was called back to Istanbul last year to form a naval fleet to attack the Hapsburg kingdom of Naples captures Otranto, followed by the Castro Fortress and the city of Ugento in Puglia.

In Aug. 1537 a huge Ottoman fleet led by adm. Barbarossa and adm. Lutfi Pasha (1488-1564) captures the Aegean and Ionian islands of the Repub. of Venice, incl. Syros, Aegina, Ios, Paros, Tinos, Karpathos, Kasos, and Naxos, then captures Corfu and raids Calabria, all of which pisses-off Pope Paul III, who calls for a Holy League against the *?!*? infidels; Venetian-born Cecilia Venier Baffo (1525-83), niece of Venetian Doge Sebastiano Venier is captured on Paros and taken to Istanbul, where in 1574 she becomes Valide sultan (co-regent) Nur-Banu ("Princess of Light"), #1 wife of Sultan Selim II and mother of Murad III.

On Sept. 28, 1538 the Battle of Preveza in NW Greece between the Ottomans under Adm. Hayreddin Barbarossa and the Holy League under Adm. Andrea Doria is a V for the Ottomans, securing Turkish dominance of the Mediterranean for 33 years (until 1571); one tiny bright spot for Christ, the Venetians capture Castelnuovo (Herceg Novi) in the Bay of Kotor in Montenegro (until 1539).

Jean Parisot de la Valette (1494-1568)

On May 18-Sept. 11, 1565 the Great Siege of Malta sees the Ottoman Muslims unsuccessfully try to take Malta from the Hospitallers (Order of St. John) under grandmaster (since 1557) Jean Parison de la Valette (1494-1568); the Battle of Malta (the last battle of the Crusades?) ends cross-slappin' happily for the Crusaders with the arrival of Spanish troops, forcing the Turks to abandon their seige after losing 25K-35K, vs. 2.5K troops, 500 slaves, and 7K civilians for the Christians, after which the siege becomes one of the most celebrated events of the cent. in Christendom, ending the aura of Ottoman invincibility and beginning the era of Spanish domination of the Mediterranean; Ottoman Gen. Dragut is KIA by cannon fire from Ft. St. Elmo in Il-Qortin (modern-day Sliema); French biographer Seigneur de Brantome, Seigneur de Bourdeille joins the expedition sent to Malta to assist the Knights of St. John, and later goes to Italy, Africa, and Hungary to gain mucho material for his cool memoirs; the 9/11 attack is meant to get even for this D along with the one in Vienna in 1683?

Ottoman Sultan Selim II the Sot (1524-74) Pasha Mehmet Sokullu (1506-79) Nikola Subic Zrinski of Croatia (1508-66)

In May 1566 despite the 1562 truce, Ottoman sultan (since 1520) Suleiman (Suleyman) I the Magnificent (b. 1494) leaves Constantinople with 100K-300K troops in his last Hungarian campaign against the Hapsburgs, with the goal of capturing Vienna; on Aug. 6-Sept. 8 the Battle of Szigetvar (Szigeth) in Croatia near the Hungarian border sees 2.3-3K Croatians under Nikola Subic Zrinski (1508-66) defend their fort to the last man after killing 20K Ottomans, holding back the Ottoman attack on Vienna, causing Cardinal Richelieu to later call it "the battle that saved civilization"; after capturing the strategic fort of Gyula (until 1694), Suleiman I falls ill and dies on Sept. 5/6/7, and is succeeded as Ottoman sultan #11 (until 1574) by his blonde-haired sauce-loving only surviving son Selim II (the Yellow) (the Sot) (1524-74), who takes the title of "Universal Lord of Everything Under the Sun, Descendant from Divine Lineage, Destroyer of the Christian Faith, Dominator of the Universe", then retires to his harem, leaving affairs of state to his Bosnian grand vizier Pasha Mehmet Sokullu (Sokollu) (1506-79), causing his princes to do the same, setting a bad example for the future as palace hos find a chance to rule behind the sultan's skirts, er, whatever they wear?

In 1568 the First Russo-Turkish War (ends 1570) begins over the Astrakhan Khanate, which was conquered in 1566 by Russian tsar Ivan the Terrible; first of 12 Russo-Turkish wars (until 1918).

Ottoman Sultan Murad III (1546-95)

Pierre qui roule n'amasse pas mousse? On Dec. 12, 1574 debauched harem-dwelling blonde-haired sultan (since 1566) Selim II (the Yellow) (the Sot) (b. 1524) (the Elvis of Turkey?) (did he die his hair jet black and use pomade?) dies, becoming the first Ottoman sultan to die in Constantinople, and after Nur-Banu hides his corpse in an icebox to give him time to arrive from Manisa, he is succeeded by her eldest son Murad (Murat) (Amurath) III (1546-95) as Ottoman sultan #12 (until 1595), which keeps going downhill like a rolling stone just as Europe is about to take over the world, becoming the last sultan to possess some field experience, while his mother Nur-Banu, the new Valide sultan (co-regent) (until 1583), and his wife Sofia Baffo pretty much pussy-whip him; speaking of pussy, the post of Kizlar Agha (Agha of the House of Felicity) (Chief Black Eunuch) is created to guard the harem of the sultans in Istanbul, starting with Ethopian-born Mehmed Agha, ending the domination of the palace by white eunuchs from the Balkans and Caucasus.

Ottoman Sultan Mehmed III (1566-1603)

On Jan. 15, 1595 sultan (since 1574) Murad III (b. 1546) dies of apoplexy after fathering 105 children, and his son (by Sophia Baffo, who outmaneuvers the other wives to get him in) Mehmed III Adli (1566-1603) becomes Ottoman sultan #13 (until 1603) after inviting his 19 brothers (all sons of harem slave girls, ages 11 and under) to the palace and having them strangled with silk cords by deaf mutes (Ottoman law provides for the "right to execute his brothers"); he goes on to clog up the Bosphorus with the bodies of his daddy's pregnant mistresses, and enjoys watching women's breasts scorched off with hot irons; Baffo continues to rule behind the scenes, and ends the traditional practice of sending princes to governorships along with the need for fratricide with the supposedly more humane Kafes (cage), a palace prison for potential heirs served by deaf-mute eunuchs; although this produces lazy sexually-degenerate morons and idiots, some of them end up ruling anyway, hastening the decay and fall of the Ottoman Empire - later adopted by the U.S. for its presidents?

Ottoman Sultan Ahmed I (1589-1617)

On Dec. 22, 1603 sultan (since 1595) Mehmed III (b. 1566) dies, and his 13-y.-o. eldest surviving son Ahmed (Ahmad) I (1590-1617) becomes Ottoman sultan #14 (until 1617); Mahomet's mother Sophia Baffo (b. 1550), who had ruled the Ottoman Empire behind the scenes is strangled in bed in 1605?; Ahmed is deeply religious and cracks down on wine consumption.

Ottoman Sultan Mad Mustafa I (1591-1639) Ottoman Sultan Osman II (1604-22)

On Nov. 22, 1617 sultan (since 1603) Ahmed I (b. 1590) dies of typhus, and his insane brother "Mad" Mustafa I (1591-1639) becomes Ottoman sultan #15 (until 1618) after being fetched from his cage; he rules 3 mo., then in Mar. is deposed and replaced by his nephew, Ahmed I's eldest son, 14-y.-o. Osman II (1604-22) (until May 20, 1622), who becomes Ottoman sultan #16 (until 1622); too bad, he enjoys archery practice on live page boys, but he turns into an able ruler and multilingual poet, becoming the first sultan to try to get rid of the Janissaries, closing their coffee shops to stifle conspiracies, and planning on recruiting a new ethnic Turkic army; too bad, closing the coffeeshops isn't a strong enough measure, and they get wind of his plans and conspire against him bigtime. On May 20, 1622 after a palace revolt by the Janissaries caused by his attempts to create an ethnic Turkic army, Ottoman sultan (since 1618) Osman II (b. 1604) is strangled by the Janissaries (first act of regicide in the Ottoman Empire), and retarded slash insane Mustafa I regains the throne of Turkey as puppet-on-a-throne (until 1623).

Ottoman Sultan Murad IV (1612-40)

In 1623 Ottoman sultan (1617-18, 1622-23) Mad Mustafa I (b. 1591) abdicates in favor of his nephew (son of Ahmed I and Greek Sultana Kosem Sultan) Murad (Murat) IV (the Cruel) (1612-40), and is put back in his happy cage; Murad IV becomes Ottoman sultan #17 (until 1640), becoming known for his height and strength, wielding a 132-lb. mace and 110-lb. 2-hand broadsword, and restoring the authority of the state with brutal methods, banning alcohol, tea and coffee in Constantinople, then dressing up in civilian clothes at night and policing the taverns personally, killing offenders on sight with his terrible swift sword; meanwhile he is a lush himself - smells like the real thing?

Ottoman Sultan Ibrahim I the Mad (1615-48)

On Feb. 9, 1640 Turkish sultan (since 1623) Murad IV (b. 1612), who made drinking and smoking a capital offense dies of cirrhosis of the liver, and after his orders to murder him are not carried out, he is succeeded by his insane caged brother Ibrahim I (the Mad) (1615-48), who had been locked-up in a cage prior to being let out to become head of his nation as Ottoman sultan #18 (until 1648), going on to bring the Ottoman Empire to the point of collapse at jet speed while having a thing for fat women, sending agents to find the fattest and bring them to his harem, giving one from Georgia or Armenia a governorship; he also likes to feed coins to fish in his palace pool.

Ottoman Sultan Mehmed IV (1642-93)

On Aug. 12, 1648 sultan (since 1640) Mad Ibrahim I (b. 1615) is deposed and murdered by a coup led by the grand mufti (who spreads the story that he was about to drown all 280 members of his harem), and buried beside Mad Mustafa I; he is succeeded by his 6-y.-o. son Mehmed IV Avji (1642-93), who becomes Ottoman sultan #19 (until Nov. 8, 1687).

Fazil Ahmed Pasha of Turkey (1635-76)

In Aug. 1672 the Polish-Ottoman War (ends 1676) begins as a Turkish bid to take control of the Ukraine in alliance with the Cossacks of hetman Petro Doroshenko (1627-98), as 80K Ottoman troops under sultan Mehmed IV's grand vizier (sicne Oct. 31, 1661) Fazil Ahmed Pasha (1635-76) invade the Ukraine, take the strategic border fortress of Kamianets-Podilskyi (Podolsky) (Kamieniec Podolski) and siege Lviv, forcing the Poles on Oct. 17 to sign the humiliating Peace of Buczacz, ceding the right bank of the Ukraine and pay an annual tribute of 22K gold pieces; too bad, the high tribute demanded causes the Poles under Jan III Sobieski to regroup and raise a new army of 37K, beginning a 4-year war to control the Ukraine; on Nov. 3 Fazil Ahmed Pasha (b. 1635) dies; on Dec. 16 (Dec. 6 Old Style) ex-king John II Casimir (b. 1609) dies in St. Martin's Monastery in Nevers, France, and nobody notices?

On Sept. 25-Oct. 14, 1676 after the Ottomans send a new 200K-man army to capture the Ukraine, they fight the Poles at the Battle of Zurawno in Ukraine, resulting in a draw; on Oct. 17 Poland signs the Peace (Treaty) of Zurawno, reviving the 1674 Peace of Buczacz, but with no tribute this time, and less land given to the Turks, ending the Polish Ottoman War (begun 1672); Poland as a kingdom is beginning to disintegrate and is on the way to a fire sale (partition).

Jan III Sobieski of Poland (1624-96) Prince George of Denmark (1653-1708) Count Ernst Rudiger von Starhemberg of Austria (1638-1701) Jerzy Franciszek Kulczycki (1640-94)

A touch of fame for a Pollock? On July 14, 1683 the Great Austrian-Turkish War (ends 1699) and the Polish-Turkish War (ends 1699) begin as 140K Turks with 300 cannon under Merzifonlu Kara ("Black") Mustafa Pasha (1634-83) begin the Second Siege of Vienna, held by only 20K troops under Count Ernst Rudiger von Starhemberg (1638-1701), culminating on Sept. 11 (the original 9/11) with the epic Battle of Vienna (Kahlenberg); the Christians hold out until Sept. 12 as sappers undermine the city walls, when Jan III Sobieski (1624-96) of Poland swallows his pride at the thought of the Ottoman border being so close to Cracow and allies with HRE Leopold I and duke Charles of Lorraine (1643-90) (who defeated Imre Thokoly of Hungary at Bisamberg 5km NE of Vienna in Aug.) to become CIC of the 84K-man combined armies and raise the siege with 3K Polish mounted Winged Hussars plus 34K Polish troops, 18.5K Austrians, 10.5K Bavarians, 9K Saxons, and 9.5K Swabian and Franconian troops, who stage the largest cavalry charge in history, making Sobieski a hero of Christendom, and marking the end of Islamic military conquests in Europe until ?; after the battle, Sobieski utters the soundbyte "Venimus, Vidimus, Deus Vincit" (We Came, We Saw, God Won); the Christian battle cry of "Maria Help" is amended at the suggestion of Johann Georg III of Saxony (who commands the left wing) to "Jesus and Maria Help", causing Sobieski to utter the soundbyte "The elector of Saxony is an honest man with a straight heart", after which Johann George III accompanies the HRE on his entry to Vienna, then abruptly leaves with his troops after they are treated like merde for being Protestants (kiss my ass, kiss your ass, happy Hanukkah?); after the liberation of Vienna, HRE Leopold I meets with Jan Sobieski in Schwechat near Vienna, which commemorted by an obelisk; Starhemberg also becomes a star, and is promoted to field marshal, but is severely wounded in 1686 at the siege of Buda and gets a desk job as pres. of the Hofkriegsrat; the V marks the hegemony of the Hapsburgs; on Dec. 25 Mustafa Pasha is strangled in Belgrade by the Janissaries and his head sent to sultan Mehmed IV in a velvet bag; too bad, Imre Thokoly, who fights with the Turks gets blamed by them for the whole D, and after rushing to Edirne to defend himself in front of the sultan, he flops and tries to make up with Sobieski, promising to lay down his arms if he is recognized as Protestant prince of Upper Hungary, but Sobieski demands unconditional surrender, and he has to fight on his own with neither side trusting him; the Turks leave massive stores of loot, with Sobieski uttering the soundbyte "Ours are treasures unheard of... tents, sheep, cattle and no small number of camels... It is a victory nobody ever knew of, the enemy now completely ruined, everything lost for them"; the first coffeehouse is opened in Vienna by Polish officer Jerzy Franciszek Kulczycki (1640-94) (known for escaping from the besieged city to get help) after the withdrawing sackers leave coffee sacks behind, introducing the custom of adding sugar and milk (melange); the first Vienna coffeehouse is really opened by Armenian Johannes Theodat in 1685?; like a rose that blooms then starts to decay, the Turkish Empire in Europe reaches its maximum extent, stretching from beyond Budapest on the Danube River, the Carpathians, and the headwaters of the Bug River to the Black Sea, Aegean, and Ionian Seas, with only Dalmatia (ruled by Venice) and Montenegro (semi-independent) as exceptions; after this, the Islamic world fails to keep pace with the West, incl. constructing public clocks, implementing standardized linear measurements, and modernization in general, compounded by pervasive autocracy.

In mid-June 1686 the Battle of Buda sees Buda Castle recaptured from the Turks (after 145 years) by the Holy League, led by Duke Charles of Lorraine, Karl of Lotharingia, and Eugene of Savoy; in mid-Aug. a Turkish relief army under Abdurrahman Abdi Pasha arrives, but Savoy's army engages in a rearguard action to keep them from aiding their comrades, breaches the Generalsturm (General's Tower) on Sept. 2; too bad, the bloodthirsty Christians are pumped up on tales of Turkish atrocities and begin raping and butchering the pop., until the elector of Bavaria and duke of Lorraine stop them, leaving 2K of 5K remaining; the remnant of pesky Jews, who are accused of aiding the Turks are expelled; the Muslim conquest of E Europe and invasion of W Europe is stopped at the gates of Budapest, and the Turks begin a 3-cent. retreat; the Byerley (Byerly) Turk (1684-1706) Arabian stallion is captured by Capt. Robert Byerley at the Battle of Buda, and he takes it to Ireland in 1689, after which it is crossbred with English mares, founding the Thoroughbred horse line in England; meanwhile Russia declares war on Turkey, starting the Third Russo-Turkish War (ends 1700).

Ottoman Sultan Suleiman II (1642-91)

On Aug. 12, 1687 60K Turks (incl. Mamluk slaves and 40K Balkan mercenaries) under Suleiman Pasha are defeated by 60K Austrians under Duke Charles of Lorraine at the Second Battle of Mohacs (Battle of Harsany Mountain) (first in 1526), with 10K Ottoman vs. only 600 Austrian casualties, opening Austria's way to Belgrade, after which the Turkish army revolts, and sultan (since 1648) Mehmed IV (1642-93) is deposed and replaced by his caged brother Suleiman II (1642-91), who becomes Ottoman sultan #20 (until 1691), at first refusing to leave the cage when they come for him, thinking it's a trick to assassinate him.

Ottoman Sultan Ahmed II (1643-95)

On June 22/23 1691 Suleiman II (b. 1642) dies, and his caged brother Ahmed (Ahmad) II (1643-95) becomes Ottoman sultan #21 (until Feb. 6, 1695), presiding over the final conquest of Hungary from the Turks by Austria.

Ottoman Sultan Mustafa II (1664-1703)

On Feb. 6, 1695 sultan (since 1691) Ahmed II (b. 1643) dies after being worn out by his empire's troubles, and his nephew Mustafa II (1664-1703) succeeds him as Ottoman sultan #22 (until Dec. 8, 1703).

Ottoman Sultan Ahmed III (1673-1736)

On Dec. 28, 1703 sultan (since 1695) Mustafa II (b. 1664) dies after being forced to abdicate by a coup triggered by the Edirne Event, an attempt by the Janissaries to restore power to the sultanate by making the position of cavalryman (timar) hereditary, and his brother Ahmed III (1673-1736) becomes Ottoman sultan #23 (until Sept. 20, 1730), starting a Muslim cultural revival while engaging in the Muslim pastime of constant warfare; too bad, the revolt backfires, decreasing the power of the sultanate and increasing the power of the Janissaries and kadis (Sharia judges); the real power is in the hands of his daughter Hatice Sultan and her grand vizier hubby Nevsehirli Damat Ibrahim Pasha (1666-1730), who rule during the Tulip Era (Period) (ends Sept. 28, 1730), a relative period of peace in which the Dutch tulip craze infects the Ottoman court.

Ottoman Sultan Mahmud I (1696-1754)

On Sept. 17, 1730 a disastrous war with the Persians causes a revolt by 12K mostly Albanian Janissaries led by Albanian-born ex-Janissary Patrona ("vice-admiral") Khalil (Halil) Isyani (1690-1730) (Turkish bath waiter), killing grand vizier Nevsehirli Damag Ibrahim Pasha and forcing sultan (since 1703) Ahmed III (b. 1673) to abdicate and lock himself back in his cage, and on Sept. 20 his nephew Mahmud I (1696-1754) becomes Ottoman sultan #24 (until Dec. 1754), ending the 27-year Tulip Era (begun 1703), playing along with big man Khalil until he can have him killed on Nov. 25 along with 7K supporters, inheriting an insolvent empire; Nubian chief eunuch Beshir Agha (1653-1746) becomes the real power behind the throne (most powerful chief eunuch in Ottoman history) while the sultan spends his time writing poetry - come on, show me your best Vogue face?

Ottoman Sultan Osman III (1699-57) Sehsuvar Sultan (1682-1756)

On Aug. 2, 1754 sultan (since 1730) Mahmud I (b. 1696) dies, and his caged brother Osman (Othman) III (1699-1757) becomes Ottoman sultan #25 (until Oct. 30, 1757), suffering from dementia, incl. wearing iron shoes so that the harem women can hear him coming and run before he has to see or smell them; his Russian or Serbian mother Sehsuvar Sultan (1682-1756) (real name Mary) is valide sultan, er, cracking down on non-Muslims, requiring them to wear distinctive clothes or badges.

Ottoman Sultan Mustafa III (1717-74)

On Oct. 30, 1757 sultan (since 1754) Osman III (b. 1699) dies, and Ahmed II's son Mustafa III (1717-74) becomes Ottoman sultan #26 (until Jan. 21, 1774), going on to attempt a catch-up program with the West, attempting to modernize the antiquated army and Janissary-imam structure, encountering mucho resistance; when he tries to correspond with Voltaire and Catherine II the Great, they ridicule his backwardness, with Voltaire calling him "fat and ignorant".

Ottoman Sultan Abdul Hamid I (1725-89)

On Jan. 21, 1774 sultan (since 1757) Mustafa III (b. 1717) dies, and his caged (for 43 years) younger brother Abdul Hamid (Abdulhamid) I (1725-89) becomes Ottoman sultan #27 (until Apr. 7, 1789), going on to become known for his religiosity and graciousness and passion for breeding Arabian horses while attempting to revive the Janissaries - if only these walls could talk?

Ottoman Sultan Selim III (1761-1808)

On Apr. 7, 1789 sultan (since 1774) Abdul Hamid I (b. 1725) dies 4 mo. after the disaster at Ochakov, and is succeeded by his nephew (son of Mustafa III) Selim III (1761-1808) as Ottoman sultan #28 (until 1807), becoming known as a good music composer and performer and poet - did he tell his physician if his immune system wasn't normal from advanced HIV?

Ottoman Sultan Mustafa IV (1779-1808) British Adm. Sir John Thomas Duckworth (1747-1817) Russian Adm. Dmitri Senyavin (1763-1831)

On Mar. 31, 1807 after Britain declares war on Turkey to protect their route to India and invades Egypt, Mehmet Ali, with the support of the Mamluks defeats the British at the Battle of Rosetta (Rasheed), and the British agree to withdraw from Egypt incl. Alexandria on Sept. 19; meanwhile on Feb. 19 the British fleet under adm. Sir John Thomas Duckworth (1747-1817) forces the defenses of the Dardanelles and anchors off Constantinople for the 1st time in history; on Feb. 24 the Russian navy under adm. Dmitri Nikolayevich Senyavin (1763-1831) reaches the Dardanelles and captures the island of Tenedos in Mar., blockading the straits and cutting off supplies to Constantinople; too bad, Duckworth loses 600 men to shore battery fire, and refuses to join with Senyavin's fleet on an expedition to Alexandria, which turns out bad; meanwhile the blockade causes the Janissaries to revolt against reformer sultan (since 1789) Selim III (b. 1761), and imprison and despose him in favor of his nephew Mustafa IV (1779-1808) (son of Abdul Hamid I), who becomes Ottoman sultan #29 (until July 28, 1808), and orders the blockade broken by his navy, causing the naval Battle of the Dardanelles on May 11, and the naval Battle of Mount Athos (Monte Sancto) (Lemnos) on June 19-22, which are both Russian Vs, the Turks losing a third of their fleet.

Ottoman Sultan Mahmud II (1735-1839) Ottoman Sultan Mahmud II (1735-1839) of Turkey in European Dress

On June 21, 1808 ex-Janissary Pasha Mustafa Alemdar (Bayrakdar) (1765-1808) of Rustchuk (Ruscuk) (Rousse) (Russe) (in Bulgaria on the Danube River 120 mi. from the Black Sea) arrives in Constantinople with an army of 15K to take on 40K Albanian and Bosnian rebels, after which sultan (since 1789) Selim III (b. 1761) is strangled in his seraglio while playing his flute by his chief black eunuch on orders of his nephew Mustafa IV (b. 1779), and thrown into the inner courtyard of the palace to show the rebels, who raise him to the throne, only to be killed along with the rebels by Alemdar; meanwhile after escaping assassination by being hidden by his mother in the furnace of a bath, leaving him the sole remaining member of the royal line of Osman, Selim III's younger brother Mahmud (Mahmut) II (1785-1839) is crowned Ottoman sultan #30 (until July 1, 1839), with Bayrakdar as grand vizier, who then makes the mistake of trying to continue the reforms, and on Nov. 15 1K Janissaries attack him in his house in the Porte, causing him to blow up his powder magazine in the cellar and commit suicide, taking 400 Janissaries with him; the Russian blockade of Constantinople is unbroken; Mustafa IV doesn't attempt any reforms for a good long time, needing to get rid of the pesky Janissaries first (1826), but goes on to attempt to modernize Turkey with Euro-style culture in 1839, setting the example by dressing in Euro military dress.

The Ottomans are in a miserably long tailspin? On Apr. 10, 1826 after the Third Siege of Missolonghi (begun Apr. 15, 1825), Ottoman troops capture Missolonghi, Greece; Ottoman sultan (since 1808) Mahmud II (b. 1785) has his bodyguard the Janissaries massacred, and the institution (founded 1330) abolished; Russian Tsar Nicholas I issues an ultimatum forcing the Ottomans to recognize the independence of Moldavia, Wallachia, and Serbia, and declares war on Persia.

Ottoman Sultan Abdul Mecid I (1823-70)

On June 24, 1839 the Egyptians under Hafiz Pasha are badly defeated at the Battle of Nizip (Nezib) (Nessib) in S Syria (Lebanon) by Mehmet Ali, and on July 1 Ottoman sultan (since 1808) Mahmud II (b. 1785) dies of TB, and his Euro-educated French-speaking son Abdul Mecid (Mejid) I (1823-70) becomes Ottoman sultan #31 (until June 25, 1861), after which the entire Turkish fleet under Adm. Ahmed Fevzi Pasha sails to Alexandria and surrenders to Mehmet Ali on the pretext that the new sultan's advisers are owned by Russia, leading to the Second Egyptian-Ottoman (Turko-Egyptian) (Syrian) War (ends 1841), with a British-Austrian expeditionary force occupying Beirut and Acre and forcing Mehmet Ali to submit off Alexandria; on Nov. 3 under British pressure the sultan issues the Noble Rescript (Noble Edict of the Rose Chamber), declaring an end to corruption and arbitrary rule (e.g. instant death at will), and inaugurating the Tanzimat ("reorganization") Era of the Ottoman Empire (ends 1876), trying to continue his daddy's Westernization and modernization program while encouraging Ottomanism and discouraging nationalism, which, as Westerners also find out, can't be stopped; reforms start with abolition of public slave markets in the 1840s, outlawing of the turban in favor of the fev, and eventually incl. secularism and decriminalization of homosexuality, which only pisses-off the hardcore Muslims more, leading to a reactionary movement that resists all reforms.

Ottoman Sultan Abdul Aziz I (1830-76)

On June 25, 1861 sultan (since 1839) Abdul Mecid I (b. 1823) dies of phthisis, and is succeeded by his brother (another Europhile who is a good composer) Abdul Aziz (Abdulazia) Oglu Mahmud I (1830-76) as Ottoman sultan #32 (until May 30, 1876), continuing the Tanzimat Westernization program, giving official recognition to the union of Moldavia and Wallachia on Dec. 2; too bad, he squanders money like water until the bottom drops out?

Sultan Abdul Hamid II (1842-1918) Sultan Murad V of Turkey (1840-1904) Midhat Pasha of Turkey (1822-83) Huseyin Avni Pasha of Turkey (1820-76)

On May 30, 1876 after he waffles in the face of massacres of Muslim peasants in Bosnia and Bulgaria, sultan (since June 25, 1861) Abdul Aziz I is deposed by war minister Huseyin Avni Pasha (1820-76), backed by Turkish liberal statesman Midhat Pasha (1822-83), causing him to commit suicide on June 4; on May 30 he is succeeded as Ottoman sultan #33 by his Francophile nephew Murad V (1840-1904), who is deposed on Aug. 31 because of nervousness and mental incapacity after he proves unable to cope with the outbreak of war, the mobilization of his army, and the flood of Muslim refugees from the Balkans; on June 15 Huseyin Avni Pasha is assassinated at a cabinet meeting with Murad V; on Aug. 31 he is succeeded by his despotic brother Abdul Hamid (Abdulhamid) II (the Damned) (the Great Assassin) (the Red Sultan) (1842-1918) as Ottoman sultan #34 (until Apr. 27, 1909), who initially promises the Young Ottomans to support a constitutional govt., and lets Midhat Pasha secure the promulgation of the first-ever 1876 Ottoman Constitution on Dec. 23, providing for a bicameral parliament and civil liberties, but reserves most powers to himself.

Ottoman Prince Sabahaddin (1879-1948) Ahmed Riza of Turkey (1859-1930)

In 1899 Ottoman Prince Sabahaddin (1879-1948), a relative of sultan Abdul Hamid II joins the Young Turks, founbding the liberal reform Private Enterprise and Decentralization Assoc., which advocates decentralization of the Ottoman Empire and the liberal ideas of Emile Durkheim, pissing-off the sultan and causing him to flee with his father and brother to Britain, followed in 1900 by Geneva, Switzerland, followed in 1900 by Paris, ending up in Neuchatel, Switzerland for life; meanwhile his rival, Young Turk leader (in Europe) Ahmed Riza Bey (1859-1930), leader of the liberal reform Committee for Union and Progress (CUP) (1889-1918) backs centralization and the ideas of French sociologist Auguste Comte, starting a war with Sabahaddin until the Young Turk Rev. in July 1908.

Ottoman Sultan Mehmed V (1844-1918) Jose Ferrer (1909-92)

On Apr. 13, 1909 the Young Turks force the abdication of Ottoman sultan (since 1861) Abdul Hamid II (1842-1918) on charges of squandering the wealth of the empire and massacring Armenians in Adana; on Apr. 27 he is succeeded by his brother (son of Abdul Mecid I, who was confined for 30 years in the palace harems, which didn't stop him from becoming a praised poet) Mohammed Rechad Effendi (whose portrait bears a striking resemblance to actor Jose Ferrer 1909-92)?), who becomes Ottoman sultan #35 Mehmed V Reshad (1844-1918) (until July 3, 1918).

Ottoman Sultan Mehmed VI (1861-1926)

On July 3, 1918 sultan (since 1909) Mehmed V (b. 1844) dies, and is succeeded by his brother Mehmed VI (1861-1926), becoming sultan #36 (next-to-last) of the crumbling Ottoman Empire (until Nov. 1, 1922).

Kemal Ataturk of Turkey (1881-1938)

On Jan. 28, 1920 the last Ottoman parliament convenes in Istanbul, and is dissolved on Feb. 12 by British forces after the declaration of the Nat. Pact (Misak-i Milli); on Apr. 23 the grand nat. assembly of Turkey is established, with Mustafa (Mustapha) Kemal Ataturk (1881-1938) as speaker, who on May 3 becomes PM #1 of Turkey (until Jan. 24, 1921), attempting to institute secular pro-Western reforms despite fundamentalist Muslim opposition, with the motto "For the people, despite the people"; reforms incl. shutting down religious schools, purging Turkish of Arabic vocabulary, and banning the veil and fez.

Ottoman Sultan Abdul Mejid II (1868-1944)

On Aug. 18, 1922 the Turks begin a counteroffensive against the Greeks, and take Smyrna on Aug. 27-Sept. 9, followed by Edirne (Adrianople), causing the Greeks to evacuate Anatolia (Turkey) in a hurry, becoming known as the Asia Minor Catastrophe; the People's Party govt. of Demetrios Gounaris is on its last legs; meanwhile on Nov. 1 the grand assembly abolishes the sultanate, with the intention of introducing Ataboy's pro-Western modernization reforms, which the ignorant Muslim pop. mixes-up, thinking they're returning to the days of the first caliphs?; sultan (since 1918) Mehmed VI (b. 1861) flees to Malta, and on Nov. 19 is succeeded by Abdul Mejid (Mejid) II (1868-1944), who is demoted from sultan #37 to caliph (until Mar. 3, 1924). /p>

On Mar. 3, 1924 after experimenting with making sultan (since Nov. 19, 1922) Abdul Mejid II a caliph only, with pressure from Kemal Ataturk, who utters the soundbyte "The religion of Islam will be elevated if it will cease to be a political instrument", the horrible blood-soaked Muslim Caliphate (line of rulers tracing back to Muhammad in 632 C.E. who claim to head Sunni Islam) is abolished in Turkey in hopes that Islam might peacefully co-exist with the West; Abdul Mejid II flees to Paris and becomes a painter; the Ottoman Dynasty (founded 1299) ends; Ataturk tries to make Turkey a modern European state, giving up the Arabic alphabet and traditional costume; too bad, this only pisses-off hardcore violent fundamentalist Muslims, who began to regroup, taking decades to build up momentum; in his Oct. 7, 2001 video Osama bin Laden calls it a "humiliation and disgrace" - ever since, no Muslim is quite sure if they have the right to call for a jihad like he already did?





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