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What Is A Historyscope?

Westerners are not only known as history ignoramuses, but double dumbass history ignoramuses when it comes to Soccer history. Since I'm the one-and-only Historyscoper (tm), let me quickly bring you up to speed before you dive into my Master Historyscope.

Nobody knows who invented soccer (football), because all that's required is a ball, a field to play in, and players who can run and kick. Too bad, the game brings out the most savage uncivilized mob instincts in players and fans alike, becoming tantamount to weaponless warfare, no wonder the use of the hands was prohibited. It took the Vetty Vetty British to turn it into a civilized regulated sport, no kicking the wrong balls, etc. Too bad, in the 1980s the Brits went retro and began turning soccer stadiums into riot scenes, after which anything goes around the world.

About 400 B.C.E. the Chinese play a Soccer-Like Game.

On June 12, 1365 Edward III bans soccer playing in London, ordering archery practice instead.

In 1457 Golf is banned in Scotland by King Jacob II and the Scottish Parliament because it interferes with archery, a vital sport for defense, not to mention sword practice; "futeball" is also banned.

In 1491 James IV of Scotland signs a law prohibiting the playing of Golf (along with soccer and other worthless amusements taking Scots away from military preparations), then repeals it after trying it himself?

In 1561 the Merchant Taylors' School in London is founded by headmaster ("Founder of English Lexicography") Richard Mulcaster (1531-1611), becoming the largest school in England and taking on pupils incl. Edmund Spenser, Thomas Kyd, and Thomas Lodge, teaching Latin, Greek, music, drama, phys-ed incl. soccer ("footeball"), and "good manners". In 1581 he pub. Positions Wherein Those Primitive Circumstances Be Examined, Which Are Necessarie for the Training Up of Children, which advocates "footeball" (soccer) for students, and calls for the introduction of referees, containing the first pub. reference to teams ("sides" and "parties"), positions ("standings"), and coach ("trayning maister") - he's the king of reinvention?

About 1800 Soccer (Football) ("footie") becomes popular in England, spreading throughout the British Empire by the end of the cent.

On Oct. 26, 1863 the Football Assoc. (FA)_ for soccer (association football) is founded at Freemasons' Tavern on Great Queen St. in London, England, becoming the governing body in England.

In 1871 the F.A. (Football Assoc.) Cup is established, becoming the first soccer trophy to be awarded.

In 1872 the Scottish Football Assoc. and Rangers Football Club are founded, and the first internat. soccer game is held between England and Scotland, becoming the beginning of modern Soccer (Football).

In the 1880s British factory workers begin to play soccer.

In May 1888 the Celtic Football Club, founded last year in Glasgow, Scotland plays its first match, defeating the Rangers by 5-2, becoming known as the Old Firm. In 1888 the (English) Football League (EFL) of prof. soccer clubs is founded in England; in 1922 the top 22 clubs split off to form the Premier League.

In the late 19th cent. English poet-novelist Ernest Christopher Dowson (1867-1900) coins the word "soccer", along with the phrases "gone with the wind" and "days of wine and roses".

On Sept. 1, 1904 the Federation Internationale de Football Assoc. (FIFA) is founded; soccer breaks from its British roots and goes internat.

On Apr. 24, 1923 Wembley Stadium in Wembley, NW London opens after 300 days of construction; on Apr. 28 the first English F.A. (Football Assoc. Challenge) Cup Final is played in the new Wembley Stadium in London, and is won by the Bolton Wanderers; the FA Cup becomes known as the chance for the "little minnows" to upset the big fish.

Chariots of Fire? On May 4-July 27, 1924 the VIII (8th) (Eighth) Summer Olympic Games are held in Paris, with 3,092 participants from 44 nations in 24 sports and 137 events; 60K watch Uruguay defeat Switzerland 3-0 for the gold medal in soccer, becoming the sport's first worldwide exposure.

On May 17-Aug. 12, 1928 the IX (9th) Summer Olympic Games are held in Amsterdam, with 3,015 participants in 120 events in 22 sports; the soccer tournament is so disappointing that FIFA decides to organize their own, the World Cup, and opens it to pros starting in 1930; Coca-Cola begins sponsoring the Olympics, becoming the longest-lasting sponsor (until ?).

In 1930 Scottish soccer player Alexander Wilson "Alex" James (1901-53) leads Arsenal to its first First Div. Championship, going on to become a top British star until his 1937 retirement.

In 1930 Uruguay wins the 1st FIFA World Cup of Soccer, held in Uruguay, defeating Argentina 4-2 in the final.

In 1934 the 2nd (1934) FIFA World Cup of Soccer is the first where teams have to qualify.

On Aug. 1-16, 1936 Nazi Germany, led by Adolf Hitler (1889-1945) hosts the XI (11th) Summer Olympic Games in Berlin, after the first-ever torch relay from Olympia, Greece, devised by Nazi filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl, who films the dramatic lighting of the flame in Olympic Stadium; 3,963 athletes (incl. 331 women) from 49 nations participate in 129 events in 19 sports; the first televised Olympics, beamed to TV sets in Berlin and Potsdam, and later used by aliens from outer space as a signal that earthlings are ready for Carl Sagan's Contact?; Italy wins the gold in soccer, which is touted as a big V by Benito Mussolini.

The 3rd FIFA World Cup of Soccer; on Apr. 3, 1938 the Austrian soccer team plays Germany in Prater Stadium in Vienna as its last match after the Anschluss, and Austrian star ("the Mozart of Soccer") Matthias "Paper-Man" Sindelar (1903-39) leads Austria to a 2-0 victory, pissing off the Nazis, who stage a rematch and win 9-1. On Jan. 23, 1939 Sindelar (b. 1903) dies in Vienna of carbon monoxide poisoning after refusing to play for the German team.

On July 16, 1950 the 4th FIFA World Cup of Soccer (first since 1938) in the new Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro, attended by a record 199,854 mainly Brazilian fans sees "the plucky country" Uruguay defeat Brazil 2-1, shocking Brazilian fans forever?; Maracana (Maracanã) Municipal Stadium in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil is built in time for the games, becoming the world's largest soccer stadium (until ?), with a cap. of 205K incl. 155K seated.

On May 2, 1953 super dribbler Stanley Matthews (1915-2000) finally wins the FA Cup of soccer on his 3rd attempt in the famous Matthews Final, inspiring his Blackpool team to come from 3-1 down to defeat the Bolton Wanderers 4-3 before a crowd of 100K in Wembley Stadium.

On Nov. 25, 1953 the Hungarian nat. soccer "Golden Team", led by center Nandor Hidegkuti (1922-2002) defeats England at Wembley Stadium 6-3 using a new style, with Hidegkuti scoring just minutes into the game and then twice more, becoming England's first-ever loss to a continental team at home, causing the British press to call them the "Magical Magyars", revolutionizing the English game.

On June 16-July 4, 1954 the 5th FIFA World Cup of Soccer, hosted by Switzerland is won by West Germany, who defeats Hungary by 3-2 in the final for their first title.

On Oct. 27, 1954 a soccer match in Florence, Italy is halted at halftime when UFOs are viewed by 10K fans.

In 1957 the first CAN (Total) Africa Cup of Nations (CON) is held by the confed. of African Football (CAF); only Egypt, Sudan, Ethiopia, and South Africa compete; starting in 1968 it is held every two years, switching to odd-numbered years in 2013.

On June 8-29, 1958 17-y.-o. Brazilian soccer player (inside forward) Pele (Pelé) (Edson Arantes do Nascimento) (1940-2022) (who scored his first goal on July 7, 1957 in his first internat. match against Argentina at age 16 years 9 mo., setting a record) rises to fame in the 6th FIFA World Cup of Soccer, scoring the goal that defeats Wales 1-0 in the quarterfinal, scoring 3x in defeating France 5-2 in the semifinal, then scoring 2x to defeat Sweden 5-2 in the final; he repeats in 1962 and 1970, becoming the first soccer player to be on three World Cup teams; he is christened "O Rei" (the King).

On Apr. 29, 1961 ABC's Wide World of Sports debuts (until Jan. 3, 1998), with the Drake Relays from Drake U. in Des Moines, Iowa, and the Penn Relays from Franklin Field in Philadelphia, Penn.; host Jim McKay (James Kenneth McManus) (1921-2008) voices the great intro bit "The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat", which features a video clip of Brazilian soccer star Pele scoring with a bicycle kick.

In 1962 the 7th FIFA World Cup of Soccer.

On May 24, 1964 a crowd at a soccer match in Lima, Peru riots over a referee's decision in a game against Argentina, killing 318 and injuring 500; on June 21 Spain defeats the Soviet Union 2-1 to win the 1964 Euro Nations Cup - low score on the board, high score on the bleachers?

On July 11-30, 1966 after 16 African nations boycott over a rules dispute, England defeats W Germany 4-2 in OT in Wembly Stadium to win the 8th FIFA World Cup of Soccer, becoming their first win (until ?), and the first host to win since World Cup play began in 1930; BBC commentator ? utters the immortal soundbyte as Geoff Hurst scores: "Some people are on the pitch. They think it's all over... It is now"; on Mar. 20 (Sun.) before the match, after being put on display in a shop window, the Jules Rimet World Cup Trophy was stolen, then recovered 1 mo. later in a garbage pile by a black-white mongrel dog named Pickles (-1967) and his owner David Corbett, who receives £1K for newsreel rights, while the dog receives a gourmet meal.

On July 14, 1969 the Soccer (Football) War between Honduras and El Savador, brought on by economic problems is triggered by a June soccer game in Honduras which Honduras loses, after which rioting breaks out directed against the 300K Salvadoran migrant workers, causing tens of thousands to be expelled and prompting a brief Salvadoran invasion of Honduras; the Org. of Am. States (OAS) meets in emergency session to form a 7-nation peace team, and on July 18 a ceasefire is negotiated, and a compromise agreement is reached on July 20 after tens of thousands of workers strike.

On May 31-June 21, 1970 Brazil defeats Italy 4-1 to win the 9th FIFA World Cup of Soccer in Mexico City.

On Jan. 2, 1971 the stairway collapses at the IBROX Soccer Stadium in Edinburgh, killing 66 spectators.

On Jan. 1, 1973 a bus carrying soccer players plunges into the Chimbarongo River outside San Fernando, Chile, killing 35.

On Nov. 11, 1973 the Soviet Union is kicked out of World Cup of soccer for refusing to play Chile.

On Feb. 17, 1974 soccer fans in Cairo, Egypt stampede while looking for seats, killing 49 and injuring 47.

On June 13-July 7, 1974 West Germany defeats the Netherlands 2-1 to win the 10th FIFA World Cup of Soccer.

In 1975 Brazilian soccer star Pele (Pelé) (1940-2022), who retired after the 1972 season returns to play for the New York Cosmos of the North Am. Soccer League as #10, leading them to the 1977 championship in his 3rd and last season on Oct. 1, 1977 at Giants Stadium, televised by ABC's Wide World of Sports, defeating the Santos by 2-1.

On June 25, 1978 Argentina defeats Netherlands 3-1 in OT in Buenos Aires to win the 11th FIFA World Cup of Soccer.

On Feb. 8, 1981 a stampede in the Karaiskaki Soccer Stadium in Pireus, Greece kills 21 and injures 54.

On Mar. 3, 1982 a man from a fascist group in Kosovo fires a submachine gun into a crowd of Yugoslav massoccer, er, soccer fans in Brussels, Belgium, killing two and injuring three.

In 1982 the 12th FIFA World Cup of Soccer.

On Oct. 20, 1982 the Luzhniki Disaster sees a riot by soccer fans at the UEFA Cup match between FC Spartak Moscow and HFC Haarlem in Moscow kill 340; the police try to cover it up, claiming only 63 killed.

On May 11, 1985 as millions watch on TV, a flash fire sweeps through the main grandstand of a packed soccer stadium in Bradford, England, killing 53 and injuring 200.

On May 31-June 29, 1986 the 13th FIFA World Cup of Soccer sees Argentina defeat West Germany 3-2 after Argentine team captain Diego Armando Maradona (1960-) scores the infamous Hand of God Goal, followed by the Goal of the Cent. against England in the same quarter-final, in which Maradona runs from midfield past five English defenders to score; in Aug. 2005 Maradona admits that he struck the ball with his hand in the Hand of God Goal.

In 1986 the 10-hour TV miniseries Shaka Zulu debuts, dir. by William C. Faure (1949-94), written by Joshua Sinclair (1953-) based on his 1985 novel, and starring frightening South African soccer star Henry Cele (1949-2007) as Shaka, king of the Zulus in 1816-28; too bad, Cele's career later takes a dive and he ends up dying chained to a hospital bed in 2007.

On Mar. 5, 1987 the Chelsea Soccer Riot in England is followed on Mar. 13 by the Kenilworth Road (Luton) Soccer Riot, causing the PM Margaret Thatcher to appoint a commission to address hooliganism, which issues a white paper on May 16; too bad, on May 29 the Heysel Stadium Disaster sees 39 killed and 600 injured in rioting at the European Soccer Cup final in Brussels, Belgium after fans of the British Liverpool team go on a rampage, causing a stadium wall to collapse in the 60K-seat stadium; most of the victims are fans of the Italian Juventus team; Belgium bans play by British teams until Britain has "put her house in order"; interior minister Charles Ferdinand Nothomb is later blamed for security lapses by a parliamentary inquiry, and when he refuses to resign, French-speaking Liberals withdraw from PM Wilfried Martens' coalition, causing the latter on July 16 to submit his resignation to Belgian king (1951-93) Baudouin I, but the king refuses, and in Sept. Martens' coalition majority is increased in early elections.

On Apr. 15, 1989 95 are killed in a crush of soccer fans against high fences at Hillsborough Stadium in Sheffield, England, becoming Britain's worst sporting accident (until ?).

On July 4, 1990 the 14th FIFA World Cup of Soccer sees West Germany defeat England ?-?; on July 4 rioting erupts in 30 English towns following England's defeat, killing 30; Andres Cantor first uses his signature call "Go-o-o-o-o-o-lll!" at the World Cup of Soccer.

In the 1990s the cheap irritating Vuvuzela plastic horn, modeled after an antelope horn becomes popular among soccer fans in South Africa.

On Jan. 13, 1991 42 are killed in a brawl and stampede during a soccer match in Orkney (near Johannesburg), South Africa.

On Nov. 16-30, 1991 the first 1991 FIFA Women's World Cup of Soccer in Guangdong, China, attended by 510K (19.6K per match) is won by the U.S., followed by Norway,

On June 17- July 17, 1994 after expansion from 24 to 32 teams incl. Bolivia, Greece, Nigeria, Norway, and Saudi Arabia, the 15th FIFA World Cup of Soccer, held in nine cities across the U.S. is attended by a a record avg. of 69k per game (3.6M total); Brazil defeats Italy 3-2 at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif. in a penalty shootout (a first), becoming Brazil's 4th title; on July 2 a gunman in Medellin, Colombia murders 27-y.-o. Andres Escobar Saldarriaga (b. 1967) after he inadvertently scores a goal against his own team in a 1st-round loss to the U.S.

On July 19-Aug. 9, 1994 the XXVI (26th) (Centennial) Summer Olympics are held in Atlanta, Ga., with 10,320 athletes (incl. 3,523 women) from 197 nations competing in 271 events in 26 sports; women's soccer debuts, and the U.S. wins gold.

On Apr. 6, 1996 Am. ML Soccer opens its inaugural season at San Jose's Spartan Stadium in front of an overflow crowd of 31,683; the San Jose Clash defeat D.C. United 1-0.

On June 10-July 12, 1998 France hosts the 16th FIFA World Cup of Soccer, scoring the biggest upset in half a cent. by defeating Brazil 3-0 in the final (greatest margin since 1970) to win for the 1st time, making a big star of Zinedine Yazid "Zizou" Zidane (1972-) (French-born son of Algerian immigrants), who scores two goals with his head; Brazil's star striker Ronaldo is not up to snuff, sparking rumors of illness.

On July 4, 1999 pop singer Victoria "Posh Spice" Adams (1974-) marries soccer star David Beckham (1975-) in Luttrellstown Castle, Ireland, and they later release photos showing them sitting on golden thrones; they later move into "Beckingham Palace".

On July 10, 1999 the U.S. wins the 1999 Women's World Cup of Soccer in extra time with a penalty shootout won by Brandi Denise Chastain (1968-), lifting the sport's popularity out of the mud in the U.S. for the first time; the failed penalty shot of Chinese player Liu Ying (1947-) and save by Brianna Colette Scurry (1971-) of the U.S. costs China the cup.

On May 31-June 30, 2002 the 2002 (17th) FIFA World Cup of Soccer is held in South Korea and Japan, with the final match held in Yokohama; the winner is Brazil, with Germany coming in 2nd, Turkey 3rd, and South Korea 4th.

On Mar. 30, 2006 Iraqi soccer star Manar Modhafar is gunned down in Baghdad.

On June 9-July 9, 2006 the men's 2006 (18th) FIFA World Cup is held in Germany, becoming the 2nd time (first time in 1974 in West Germany), becoming the 10th World Cup held in Europe; ; 715.1M watch the final match; Italy defeats France 5-3 in a penalty shoot-out to win, after Zinedine Zidane heat-butts Marco Materazzi near the end of extra time and is expelled; Germany comes in 3rd, and Portugal 4th; the song The Time of Our Lives by Il Divo and Toni Braxton is the anthem.

On June 12-July 13, 2010 the 2010 (19th) FIFA World Cup of Soccer is held in Brazil, hosted by the South African Bafana ("boys") Nat. Football Team, becoming the first African country to host it; the crowds blow noisy vuvuzelas, causing team confusion and ear damage, but are allowed by the officials, although the UAE issues a fatwa against their use; on June 18 the U.S. ties Slovenia 2-2 after U.S.-hating referee Koman Coulibaly (1970-) of Mali (known as Sleepy Eyes for his heavy eyelids) denies U.S. midfielder Maurice "Mo" Edu (1986-) a tie-breaking goal in the 84th min. with an unsupportable call that he never tries to explain, and FIFA later orders him not to explain, making him wildly unpopular in the U.S.; on June 22 South Africa becomes the first host team not to survive the initial round, although it knocks France out in its last match; on June 26 Ghana knocks the U.S out of the match for the 2nd straight time; on July 11 Spain defeats Netherlands 1-0 in OT to win; on July 11 Al-Shabaab sets off two bombs among fans watching the World Cup final in Kampala, Uganda, killing 64; Iranian pres. Imadinnajacket dumps on Paul the Octopus (2008-10) of the Sea Life Aquarium in Oberhausen, Germany (who predicted the outcome) as a symbol of "Western propaganda and superstition"; Paul dies on Oct. 26.

On June 12-July 13, 2014 the 2014 (20th) FIFA World Cup is held in Brazil for the 2nd time (first in 1950), becoming the 5th time in South America; it is won by Germany, with Argentina coming in 2nd, Netherlands 3rd, and Brazil 4th; the 2nd consecutive World Cup held outside Europe (2010 in South Africa).

On June 14-July 15, 2018 the 2018 (21st) FIFA World Cup is held Russia, becoming the first time in Eastern Europe; it is won by France, which defeats Croatia 4-2; Croatia comes in 2nd, Belgium 3rd, and England 4th; the most expensive World Cup ($14.2B) (until 2022).

On June 7-July 7, 2019 the 2019 (8th) FIFA Women's World Cup of Soccer is won 2-0 by the U.S. over Netherlands, with U.S. stars Megan Anna Rapinoe (1985-) and Alexandra Patricia "Alex" Morgan (1989-) each scoring a goal; anti-Trumper lesbian Rapinoe refuses to sing the U.S. nat. anthem before the final game in protest.

On Nov. 20-Dec. 18, 2022 the 2022 (22nd) FIFA World Cup is held in Qatar, becoming the first World Cup held in the Arab and Muslim worlds, and the 2nd held entirely in Asia after the 2002 tournament; 32 teams play 64 matches in eight venues across five cities; Qatar participates for the first time; the winner is Argentina (3rd time); France comes in 2nd, Croatia 3rd, and Morocco 4th; 5'7" Rosario, Santa Fe-born Lionel Andres (Andrés) Messi (1987-) wins MVP (Golden Ball), becoming Argentina's nat. hero.

On July 20-Aug. 20, 2023 the 2023 (9th) FIFA Women's World Cup is held in Australia and New Zealand (first with more than one host nation, first held across multiple confederations, the Asian and Oceanian confederations, and first held in the Southern Hemisphere) ; the winner is Spain (1st title); England comes in 2nd, Sweden 3rd, and Australia 4th: on Aug. 6 the U.S. loses to Sweden in the Round of 16 in Melbourne when overhyped 5'6" lesbian U.S. star winger Megan Anna Rapinoe (1985-) misses her penalty kick; on July 8 she already announced her retirement at the end of the year.